Tag: strength

Free to Love

Published on by Kimberly Novak1 Comment

I’m going to go out of the box on this one. I need you to use your imagination and have an open mind.

“Take a moment and think about what happens if you take a broken heart and mend it with a caterpillar in the center.

Now I want you to add gentle swirls coming off the caterpillar and filing the heart. These will represent your struggles, losses and fears.

Take a moment and really look at the image, notice the strength of your swirls, and focus on the center of your heart. Those hurts and broken dreams are what has made you whole again. By allowing yourself to feel the pain and bring it to the surface, you have begun to heal your heart.”

I’ve attended a women’s retreat this weekend most of which was silent. The past 30 hours or so have been filled with many soul searching moments but most of all I have figured out that I have come full circle since beginning my journey four years ago.

The pivotal moment came for me today while prayer walking outdoors on a beautiful sacred campus. After walking I took a pen to paper and began to draw what I was feeling. Not in words but in an image. Before I knew it I had filled my heart with the love and passion of the butterfly. It was at this moment that I was ready to fully give it all up, let it go and make my heart free to love again.

Saying it felt amazing is an understatement!! Especially when I got a good look at my drawing, it really made sense to me.

My heart now has wings and is free to fly. I trust there are bigger and better things ahead and I am now fully open to experience them.

If you can I highly recommend a short quiet time, actual silence and just be with your thoughts. Then when you ready, take a pencil to paper and let it go. You may be amazed by what you have created!!!

I welcome your thoughts. Have you doodled your feelings?

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

3/7/15

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The….TICK…TICK…TICK……of the Clock.

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

timer-digital-clockNO! That is not my biological clock ticking, it is the constant pounding sound of the love clock which is buried deep within me somewhere.  Sometimes it is extremely loud and other times I can’t even hear it, but I know it is there, I’m just not so sure if I should be watching it or just let time run its course.

TICK….TICK….TICK…annoying isn’t it?

I am CERTAINLY not an expert on relationships and I hope that I never will be, life without that mystery would be really boring!  I watched a movie last night called the Timer, and it really got me thinking….sometimes good, sometimes not so good….but I decided to keep that thinking going and after a while it kind of made some sense.  My last post talked about finding our soul mate, is it possible?  Perhaps….Can we be patient?  Most of us would say no…we want to know right now if we have found that ONE.

The timer in the movie is a clock that was implanted in the arms of someone over the age of 14.  They all started with a zeroed out clock, at some point the clock starts working and gives you a count down of when you will meet your soul mate.  When two souls that are meant for each other meet, their clocks simultaneously zero out again,  Most people succumb to the pressure of needing that clock, constantly watching it to see when and where they will meet the love of their lives, while other’s protest it and only look for those who are timer-less. Some even go as far as having it removed because they can’t handle the fact it has been zero for so long and they are sure they don’t have a soul mate out there.

At first I found the movie a bit off the wall, but it started to feel so real to me after a while.  There was a period of time when the lead thought she had found her soul  mate in a timer-free man even though he had not started the count down on hers, but it didn’t stop her from just living in the moment all the while thinking she was falling in love with him.

She thought she was happy and went to have her timer removed believing she had met her soul mate and that the timers were a farce.  Just as they were reaching out for her arm to do the removal her clock started counting down.  Now she was faced with a choice…..ignore it and stay happy with whom she had found, or have faith in the clock and wait it out for her ONE to find her.  THAT was  the moment it all became real for me!

So many people go through there lives knowing that they have their one and only, I was pretty sure I had in my ex, but then there are those who continue to wander aimlessly looking, hoping, praying, and unfortunately settling.  Not to say that settling is all that bad, as I learned in the movie she was pretty darn happy with the timer-less love, but her soul wasn’t, and the sound of that inner clock beating on her heart was a constant reminder that she needed to wait out her clock.

Happy ending of course, as the two soul mates came together their eyes locked and both timer’s zeroed out, however it was a movie.  So can this really happen, not having timer’s shoved into our arms, but can we really meet the one whom we are destined to be with and when we do will we KNOW we have found them?  fuse

I am feeling mighty faithful this morning and I am more than ready to go ahead and keep listening to my inner timer even though at times that clicking sound may seem like nails on a chalkboard, it will stop someday and then I’LL know.  My fuse is lit and I will not douse it on my own, I will wait when the time is right it will put itself out.

Do not give up my fellow singles, that someone is out there listening to their clock and when the time is right you will both zero out together.

Can you hear your clock? Will you have the patience to wait for the real deal?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

2/15/15

Related links/posts

One, Ed Sheeran

True Love, My Thoughts, My World, My Blog

Settling, Life After HerAffairs

Learning how to listen

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011
a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011

I can remember when I was little and my mom or dad would always ask in an angry tone “don’t you listen?” or “why aren’t you listening to me?” Well I’ve been asking myself that exact question for the last few years.  My divorce recovery has not always gone the best, there have been good and bad days but for the most part I can say I am proud of where I am right now.  Except for just one thing…I still do not know how to listen.

I am referring to listening to my inner self, thoughts, questions and fears.  During these last few years I have found much difficulty in trusting myself to make decisions even the simple ones.  I have sought out advice from everyone I am in contact with on pretty much all aspects of my life and I still find myself in limbo.  I have heard over and over again what a patient woman I am yet I cannot seem to find the patience within my own being.

When I counseled last she recommended to me that there really wasn’t a need for me to come back, that took me by surprise and kind of upset me.  Then she asked what I had hoped to gain from our sessions and I couldn’t answer.  Why was I really there?  She said that it looks to her like I am feeling stuck.  I quickly agreed.  At this point in my life I had hoped that I would be on a clear path yet I am still trudging through some mud and jumping over puddles.

Today, I watched Soul Surfer, it is a VERY inspirational movie about a young girl who loses her arm in a shark attack.  This young person overcame every obstacle set in her way and she realized her dream of becoming a professional surfer.  There was one scene in the movie that caught my attention along with my heart.  I think it fits almost every situation that deals with loss and the message I took from it is that you just have to be patient and listen.

I am going to try my best to focus every day on just listening to my body, mind, and heart and then live my day accordingly.  At the same time making sure that what I am doing is guiding me towards my future, whatever that may be.  The lines below are from the scene I referenced.  You can also click here to view the clip.

If you can offer suggestions on learning to listen to your inner self please share!!! I would love to hear what you have to say!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

 

Bethany Hamilton:

Go ahead, tell me how everything’s going to be okay.

Tom Hamilton:

Yea that’s me Mr. jump-right-in-and-fix-it, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut for once.

Bethany Hamilton:

I’m done, aren’t I? I can’t even paddle out to the line up passed the big waves. I don’t understand, what happened to… I can do all things. Why? Why did this happen? Why did I have to lose everything?

Tom Hamilton:

You didn’t lose everything Bethany, not even close. That shark didn’t kill you, you’re here, you’re alive, you have your family.

Bethany Hamilton:

But what am I suppose to do now?

Tom Hamilton:

I don’t know…

Bethany Hamilton:

Then how am I suppose to know?

Tom Hamilton:

When the times right you’ll know. You just have to listen.

Bethany Hamilton:

Listen for what?

Tom Hamilton:

For whatever comes next.