Dating Ugh’s!!


One day in 1984 I wrote this:

FullSizeRender (8)Dear Mom and Dad,

I have a very important question to ask you.  I”m not saying that I was, but if a guy asked me out to the show or to the mall or something like that on a weekend, would you let me go?  What I’m trying to say is I think I am old enough for you to be able to trust me with a guy.  It’s not like I’ll stay out all night.  I just think I am old enough to go out to a show or a dance with a guy, and I know I would probably have to meet him there or something cause I know you wouldn’t let him drive me.  Plus I only want to go out with a guy in the 9th or 10th grade and they can’t drive.  Do you understand what I’m trying to say?  I hope so.  Please think about it ok?

(and now here the truth comes out)

You see there is the kid he is in 10th grade and he is 15.  Well, he likes me and I like him and he asked me if I’d go out with him sometime.  I told him I didn’t know.  (I knew I would have to talk to you about it first before I gave him an answer)  He is real nice and is good in school and he is in choir too.

Well, just do me a favor and PLEASE think about it.  PLEASE!!!!!!

Gotta Go Love,

Kim

OK, so the reason I am sharing this comical note is because I kind of wish I could do that again now!  However, at the age of 45 I think my parent’s would finally commit me.  On the other hand, my mom may actually enjoy it!  LOL

Kidding aside, if you have ventured out into the dating world following divorce, then you know just how hard it can be.  I was very blessed to be in a relationship for 6 months with a wonderful man.  One day I was told by a friend that  I was being hypocritical of my post that said I would never settle. (click here to read)

I found myself being very comfortable in the relationship and no matter what, during those months I was genuinely happy.  What I wasn’t seeing was that my happiness was based on the fact that I had someone in my life, not necessarily that he was right for me.

Do I have regrets? No way!! I made a new friend and at the same time I learned a lot about myself.  I learned what I will accept in a relationship and what I absolutely will not!  I really got to know myself while I was busy trying to get to know him.  It really surprised me how much I grew while I was dating him.  I also see now what I lost, things I stopped doing that I never should have and I am very excited to do those things again

The lesson I learned, is no matter who I am dating, I should NEVER let go of who I am.  I should CONTINUE to do the things that I want to do!!  Hopefully someday I’ll find someone who also shares in those same things.

So back to the note written to mom and dad.  What can I take from that now reading it 31 years later?  Well, if I”m being honest the qualities of the guy that I pointed out to my parents were what I thought they would approve of.  So the real question here is: What do I approve of?

Have you had similar experiences in dating following a divorce?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

8/30/15

Related topics/posts

More Beautiful You

No man is an island, Tracie Louise Photography

Learning how to listen


a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011
a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011

I can remember when I was little and my mom or dad would always ask in an angry tone “don’t you listen?” or “why aren’t you listening to me?” Well I’ve been asking myself that exact question for the last few years.  My divorce recovery has not always gone the best, there have been good and bad days but for the most part I can say I am proud of where I am right now.  Except for just one thing…I still do not know how to listen.

I am referring to listening to my inner self, thoughts, questions and fears.  During these last few years I have found much difficulty in trusting myself to make decisions even the simple ones.  I have sought out advice from everyone I am in contact with on pretty much all aspects of my life and I still find myself in limbo.  I have heard over and over again what a patient woman I am yet I cannot seem to find the patience within my own being.

When I counseled last she recommended to me that there really wasn’t a need for me to come back, that took me by surprise and kind of upset me.  Then she asked what I had hoped to gain from our sessions and I couldn’t answer.  Why was I really there?  She said that it looks to her like I am feeling stuck.  I quickly agreed.  At this point in my life I had hoped that I would be on a clear path yet I am still trudging through some mud and jumping over puddles.

Today, I watched Soul Surfer, it is a VERY inspirational movie about a young girl who loses her arm in a shark attack.  This young person overcame every obstacle set in her way and she realized her dream of becoming a professional surfer.  There was one scene in the movie that caught my attention along with my heart.  I think it fits almost every situation that deals with loss and the message I took from it is that you just have to be patient and listen.

I am going to try my best to focus every day on just listening to my body, mind, and heart and then live my day accordingly.  At the same time making sure that what I am doing is guiding me towards my future, whatever that may be.  The lines below are from the scene I referenced.  You can also click here to view the clip.

If you can offer suggestions on learning to listen to your inner self please share!!! I would love to hear what you have to say!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

 

Bethany Hamilton:

Go ahead, tell me how everything’s going to be okay.

Tom Hamilton:

Yea that’s me Mr. jump-right-in-and-fix-it, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut for once.

Bethany Hamilton:

I’m done, aren’t I? I can’t even paddle out to the line up passed the big waves. I don’t understand, what happened to… I can do all things. Why? Why did this happen? Why did I have to lose everything?

Tom Hamilton:

You didn’t lose everything Bethany, not even close. That shark didn’t kill you, you’re here, you’re alive, you have your family.

Bethany Hamilton:

But what am I suppose to do now?

Tom Hamilton:

I don’t know…

Bethany Hamilton:

Then how am I suppose to know?

Tom Hamilton:

When the times right you’ll know. You just have to listen.

Bethany Hamilton:

Listen for what?

Tom Hamilton:

For whatever comes next.

 

Falling Into Place


Tough Decisions Ahead Road SignRemember that age-old question that we were all asked when upon high school graduation and even during some job interviews?  “Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20, 25…years?”  I totally answered mine wrong, if we were graded on that I would’ve flunked out!  Thank goodness those hopes and aspirations are not written in stone, therefore we can change them any time we want!  But when we are forced to change them, that’s when it get’s tricky.

At this point in my life I am supposed to be happily married enjoying the last of the teen years with my children, and getting ready to prepare for empty nest syndrome. I am clearly not where I planned to be!  During my divorce I often found myself in the “crystal ball” moment.  Saying things like ” if only I could see what was coming”.  I think we all feel that sometimes, if we could see the path ahead we may make our decisions differently.

Those of us that are divorced, or have lost someone near to us never imagined we would be where we are today and coping with it takes patience, perseverance, hope, faith, strength, and most of all courage.  There have been a lot of decisions I’ve had to make over the past two and a half years and not knowing if I was making them correctly was very stressful.  I had no idea how one decision would lead to another, and so on.

In the heat of the moment right on divorce day, I made a decision that has caused, stress, financial strain and fear; surprisingly lately happiness.   Had I been asked that same question again after the divorce I still would have gotten it wrong!  Survivors of loss most often fear change for the rest of their lives because the change we faced was so painful for us; the change that came from my decision was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do since the divorce.

Tonight a little light was shined on my path and I am now finally starting to see that even though I would never have thought this is where I would be, things are actually starting to fall into place.  Perhaps I am on the path that I am supposed to be on.  Ironically, I had been pathlightworking on a literal path just yesterday right in the place that I thought I’d never be.  Here I am and I’m a survivor!  I didn’t know it was happening but I have embraced this very difficult change, faced it head on and I am rocking it!   It is becoming clear that just because I thought I made the wrong decision, doesn’t make it wrong.  It may just mean that the purpose I thought it was supposed to fill in my life was not what I envisioned.

I am where I am today because that is right where I am meant to be, and I will have many more decisions in the future that are connected with this big one.

If there is one tip I can pass along on this subject, it is to trust yourself, even if you think you are making the wrong decision it may actually be the right one down the line.  And also realize that you never know who you are going to need in your life or how you are going to need them.  Keep those that love you close by you so that when you are in a low moment or are ready to celebrate the happy ones they will be there to share in them with you.

Tonight I can see that my initial decision was so  hard  for me to make because deep down I must have known that it would impact my life for a very long time.

Is there a decision you made during your struggle, that will be connected to the next?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

Related links/Blogs

Overcomer, Mandisa

Be Willing to See, Kim Nicol

Celestial Messages, You’re On the right path