Tag: feelings

Follow Me

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

2020 has been full of surprises and surrender! I’m learning things about myself, my time management skills and creativity for pandemic boredom.

I’m also learning how to use the opposite side of my body and that is amping up my need for slow controlled movements. Although frustrating, this exercises my virtue of patience.


I had surgery a little over a week ago on my shoulder so I am now only able to use my non-dominant left hand and arm for various tasks. The plan was to return to work next week and continue on the healing journey. Then yesterday happened, I blacked out at the doctors office and had to spend several hours there before being able to come home and salvage what was left of my wedding anniversary.


All of a sudden I find myself in a place of forced respite; the doctor has written me off work for another week. Having a lot of downtime would be awesome, but in this physical state I am limited as to what I can do. I love to journal when I pray and not being able to write with my dominant hand has been somewhat disheartening. Today God invited me to spend some time outside and journal using my left hand and a totally different side of my brain.


In July I attended an overnight retreat on praying through art and received an art prayer journal which I’ve only opened once since then, so today out came the oil based crayons and watercolors.


I began with the page in portrait orientation. While listening to prayerful music and closing my eyes I placed the brush in the center and just started with a gentle swirling motion. Feeling my hand moving upwards, I opened my eyes to extend outward. At first glance what I saw was a snail with googly eyes and I wondered where God could be leading me. Sitting quietly for just another moment I opened my eyes again and turned the page landscape and what I saw then was a unique looking fish! I then worked from the bottom of the sea adding plants and corals then the water. I wanted to put some sort of a light since at this point I knew Jesus was the big fish, and did my best to brighten a yellow spot in the water. As I continued coloring and drawing I did so with a smile knowing that God was bringing out in me one of my favorite scripture passages, Matthew 4:19: “And he said unto them, follow me and I will make you fishers of men”.

Once I realized this, I was a little bummed that I had not left more space behind the large fish for followers. Drawing and painting the little fish proved very difficult with my non-dominant hand some of them look like they can use a little help but then don’t we all!


At this point the yellow brightness was just a blob in the water so I gave it roots and soon it was more plant life. This would be the finishing point and I was excited to have completed it all with my left hand! Even though a 5th grader could do better, I felt accomplished and at ease in my mind.


Looking at the finished product again in portrait mode, I still see that silly looking snail-like creature but now it appears as if the little fish are being held or somewhat shepherded.


When I attended the art workshop I learned some unique things about what colors and lines mean for me. Based on the workshop insights in assigning a color and a brush stroke to an emotion, this painting reveals what I was experiencing during this prayerful moment. The colors of teal, blue, and green represent harmony peace and anticipation. The colors of yellow, orange and black represent hope, sadness and confusion. The purple color represents excitement.


Taking time to reflect on the insights revealed through color and line was amazing and warmed my heart. Jesus is providing harmony; the waters are peaceful and the little bit of green in the coral at the bottom is where the anticipation lies; hope is being revealed in the yellow sea plants that Jesus is swimming towards; confusion lies in the orange of the sea plants at the bottom of the sea; and sadness and frustration are revealed in the black color of the following fish. Then excitement is revealed in the purple branches that are holding up the hope-filled yellow sea plant!


The scripture passage this drawing revealed has always been near and dear to my heart especially when it comes to Spiritual Direction and my answering God’s call. God brought it into my heart today to uplift me and to remind me that He is the one who puts color on my canvas. God knows exactly how I am feeling on this bump in my journey. As long as I trust and follow him with courage, hope and strength in my heart I will be OK.

At this moment for whatever reason , God has asked me to take a step back. This prayerful experience and in this form of journaling has revealed for me that I still have hope in God even amidst the confusion sadness, and my frustration. I know that Jesus is still leading me towards my exciting and hope-filled life!


Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you get a chuckle at the masterpiece! 😊 Many blessings for a great evening to you all!

Courageous Butterfly

Faith is calling…will you answer?

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

I started a new job recently and in order to orgainze myself, I leave stickey notes in various places, so that at a glance I can see what is coming next. I got a good chuckle when I looked at my desk one morning and saw a note that read “Faith is calling today”. I was actually going to have a conversation with a person named Faith, but I grinned at the thought of how, in that moment, I would answer if my Faith was actually calling out to me.

What would my faith look like, sound like or feel like? These were just a few of the fleeting thoughts going through my mind as I continued to sit and stare at that post-it note. Such a simple little thing turned on so many questions and wonderment, that it spurred me to get to the heart of it all. After much prayer, reflection, and journaling, it’s apparent to me, that when faith calls, I don’t hesistate to answer. Don’t get me wrong, there have been instances where I wasn’t sure of something or lacked the confidence to follow the call, but I always answered. Even if it was a “you want me to do what?” type of response.

Let’s forget for a moment that we live in the age of cell phones. Remember when our phones were attached to walls and we would run through the house to answser before the person on the other end hung up? How exciting it was to hear who it might be! I know there were instances of thinking things like “oh boy I hope it’s not her again”, or “I wonder if it’s him!”. Try to remember those feelings for a moment and imagine answering the call of your faith with those same emotions. What does that look like for you? Are you staying on the call and listenting to what is being asked of you; or have you hung up before giving the request a chance?

Faith is individual and takes root in our hearts, thoughts, and life circumstances.  It is nurtured and strengthened through prayer and our relationship with God.  It has taken time and emotions of all kinds to be in the place I am today with respect to my faith.  I would not trade in any of those moments for anything else in the world.  I was blessed recently to put a call of faith in to action and it was a gift unlike anything I’ve ever received.  I remember thinking to myself, “I wish everyone could feel what this feels like”.  

God calls us in many ways and plants the seeds along the way, we just need to be open and willing to know it’s Him.  I love the post-it note visual and I keep it now at my desk as a reminder of what it means to me when I do answer that call.  As well as how important it is to continue with prayer and reflection in discernment of my response when that call comes in.  

I hope that if you can imagine that your faith is calling, you are able to get a chuckle as you see yourself racing through the house to answer the call!

I’d love to hear your story of what it was like to answer God’s call through faith.  Share in the comments.

Many Blessings,

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

Tears as Fuel

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

I’m going to begin this post by quoting song lyrics from the very popular movie Frozen.  From the song titled Let it Go:

“The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I’ve tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know”

Only five lines but boy do they pack in meaning!  If I were to reflect back on some of the worst times of my trial, I would see many days of tears, but more so holding them back.  Most of us know as that song plays out, she let’s go and stops hiding who she really is.  But is she really being true to herself and her emotions?  If you saw the movie, then you know when this song happens, she is angry and secluded herself from family, friends and the town.  What exactly did she let go of? I think she actually let go of the very things she secluded herself from, and in that respect, she has lost people who love her.

Grieving a loss can be so complex, and it is natural for us to want to be alone, and not let anyone see how we are being affected.  Doing so, can result in much anxiety, stress, and may eventually lead to mental and physical breakdowns.  So, what are we supposed to do with our tears…I say give them to God, and allow him to use as fuel for your healing.

God is the one who holds every tear you cry in his hands.  We can “Let it go” as the song encourages, but first, we must give everything over to God and then let Him dispose of it.

silhouette and grayscale photography of man standing under the rain
Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric on Pexels.com

All of the hurt, frustration, anger, and other countless emotions that you are feeling during your loss or even healing period, let God have it all.  God’s hands will become a place of respite, which you can cry into.  Every tear that falls is blessed, kissed and held ever so tightly in His hands.

I can share with you my own experience when one day I allowed myself to cry in God’s precious hands.  I had made the decision to let my tears become my strength, and no longer allow them to bring me down.  In prayer, I laid it all in His hands and it proved to be a very freeing experience.  It won’t always be easy, some things we go through are so hard that it almost seems like the acknowledgment of them to God, is accepting the situation as something you are ok with.  That does not have to be the case!  In surrendering the circumstance, you are merely letting God know that you need his healing upon you and the issue.  It can be very helpful for your emotional well being, to place your feelings into blessed hands.

So give yourself a cry fest! Let it all go! Allowing God’s hands to hold every tear for you, and replenish you with a loving grace that will ultimately result in a happy heart.   If you have difficulty with the thought of this type of prayer, then go to a trusted friend or advisor, share your feelings, and ask them to hold your tears, while you walk in your path to healing.

I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences!

Psalm 107:19  “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress”

Courageous Butterfly

2/17/19