It is a frustrating feeling when you are unsure about something that you think is truth but you have not been able to achieve getting concrete proof. I have had doubts about something that happened in the past. The reason I doubted myself at all is because it was not something that was tangible. I couldn’t see it therefore maybe it didn’t really happen. Well, I was not expecting to ever really learn if my truth was actual and I have finally been provided with the confirmation I was hoping for. I am happy to say that I can now let go of every bit of that doubt.
Here is where it get’s tricky. The information I was hoping for is also something that was very upsetting to me and really hard to take. Even though deep down I knew it was the truth, getting that confirmation was a scary feeling because of the pain it caused me for so many years as well as in that moment. I am Excited to report that it was in fact only a “moment”. As soon as I realized that I was heading towards those horrible feelings of pain and hurt is when I realized that it wasn’t pain I should be feeling, it was VALIDATION. I had been suffering for so long with my own doubts wondering if what I thought was the truth really was and in this “moment” I was Blessed with the truth. Therefore, I did not slide down the slope of pain and hurt instead I stood proud in knowing that I had been Validated. If this has taught me anything, it is that I will forever trust my instincts even if I do not have concrete proof. The worst that can happen is that I may be wrong, it is nothing compared to having feelings of doubt.
Sometimes it is hard for us to be tuned into seeing the signs of something that is happening directly in front of our faces. There were a few signs that were thrown into my face for many years but for some reason I didn’t see them coming. I was obviously looking in another direction, but if I had seen the signs would it really have mattered? I believe the answer to that question is YES. Allowing myself to see the signs may not have changed the outcome but instead may have made it easier to handle. We know that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason that it took me so long to finally be able to know the whole truth.
Maybe someday I”ll know what that reason is or maybe not. For me today it does not matter what the reason is or was because along with the validation came acceptance. Now that I have the truth I have something tangible and I can choose to accept what happened and move forward.
Recently, today actually, I was again Blessed by a HUGE sign about something else going on in my life that I had wondered about. I know that the only reason I was able to see it is because of what I went through. I am now able to see the signs whether they are big or small and I will always allow them to be present in my life. I am grateful that I was able to accept what happened in the past and begin to move forward.
So my friends I’d like to ask you. Have you ever had the privilege of seeing your signs or had the validation experience? If so how has it changed you?
The past few weeks for me have been a roller coaster ride. I’ve had days when I’ve felt fantastic but then I also had a few days that were quite the opposite. Yesterday I had about three different things that I wanted to blog about but I was not able to find a way to get out what it was I needed to say, so I decided not to write. Then today happened.
I heard the word “gumption” at least four times. That is not a word that is used frequently and I honestly had no idea what it meant but for some reason it stayed with me all day. I ended up writing it down on a sticky note which is normally what I do when I want to write about something. I finished my day and headed home to add the sticky note to my collection and I was very surprised to see there was one already there. Apparently that word has struck me before I just never took the time to write about it.
The first thing I did was look up the meaning, Gumption: initiative, courage, spunk. I was disappointed once I knew what the word meant because at that moment there was no reason for me to blog about it. My emotions had been so scattered lately, I didn’t feel I possessed any of these qualities.
Of the three descriptive words that define gumption, tonight I need to focus on courage. Now that my ex has officially moved on I knew at some point there would come a time when I would be required to be at the same place at the same time with everyone. It would not have mattered if it was two weeks or two years later; I knew I needed to handle it with courage. I took the initiative and made sure I had supportive people with me during the evening and that helped a great deal. I will admit I was very nervous even sick to my stomach once I arrived so I immediately began to focus on why I was there, not on who was there. It was not easy to do so but I gave 100% of my attention to the reason for being there and did not allow my thoughts to move in a negative direction. No matter how hard I tried not to be upset there was a point when I really wanted to click my heels and say “there’s no place like home” then I remembered about the cowardly lion. I kept thinking about that all night, I sat and repeated the word Courage, Courage, Courage. I knew if I was going to survive the night it would be courage that got me through.
I am very proud to say that because of my courage I did get through and I was able to enjoy the night, but it was after I left when I needed courage the most. I did not realize at the time that all that focusing and being courageous was also suppressing what I was feeling. Once I left and was alone I crumbled. I sat quietly for a little bit and let it all out. I was so fearful that I will feel like this each time I am put in this situation and I know that it will be happening often. As of tonight, I’m not quite sure how I will be the next time around. I know that this too shall pass and eventually being in the same room with everyone will become easier. I decided that tonight was not the night to sit and worry about the next time, so I reminded myself that the tears I have are healing and that what I did took a ton of courage. That’s when I remembered about the word “gumption”. I had been thinking about that word all day and wondering how I could relate to it and then boom! Tonight happened; I endured it and I survived it! The next time you hear a “silly” word take a second to look up the meaning and you may be surprised how it will fit into your life when you least expect it.
courageous butterfly 3/31/12
Today’s post is courtesy of none other than the famous Kermit The Frog! I had the wonderful opportunity tonight to watch the new Muppet Movie with my teenage kids. Out of nowhere during the movie I heard this profound line coming from Kermit. He said ” Just because you haven’t found your talent doesn’t mean you don’t have one. Look inside yourself and see what you can find”.
I immediately thought “WOW”. Through most of my adult life I have been trying to find what it is I’m supposed to be doing. Outside of being a Mom, which is one thing I absolutely know I was meant to do, I also wore many other hats over the years trying to find my “talent”. Some of the hat’s I wore were medical secretary, administrative assistant, personal trainer, Santa Claus letter writer, parrot breeder and cardio kickboxing instructor. Out of all of those I have to say the craziest was the parrot breeder. I actually spent two years of my adult life cleaning up bird poop, delivering chicks from eggs, hand feeding baby birds, weaning them and then cried my eyes out when it was time for them to move on to their new families. I was obviously never really happy wearing these hats because I had failed most of them. I never could really stick to something , I just kept moving from one thing to the next trying to find happiness.
When I heard the line from Kermit tonight I realized that a long time ago I did find happiness, because it’s come back full circle. Some of those “hats” that I wore have returned. To me that means that it is definitely something I am supposed to be doing and it is something that truly makes me happy. After all those years I am again an administrative assistant and a personal trainer, and though I”m not writing letters from Santa, I am however writing again. These hats that I’m wearing are in a new territory and very different from before and they have brought me so much happiness and meaning to my life than they did the first time I tried them on. I know now that when I wore those hat’s previously they just were not the right fit but now that they have taken on a new form in my life I can wear them proudly.
Do me a favor and don’t be afraid to look inside yourself and find your hidden talent, you may be surprised by what you find! There’s a line in Kermit’s Rainbow Connection song that speaks to me ” I’ve heard it to many times to ignore it, there’s something that I’m supposed to be” and there is also something that you are supposed to be, don’t be afraid to find it!