Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within


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A Path To Contentment


waterfallcrisp A place you thought was your ending; your landing strip could possibly be your starting point; your ready–set–go!  How do you find contentment when your mind is full of doubt, fear, and concern that you are making the right choices.  I’ve been on a few bumpy and frightening paths but this one could be the most frustrating of them all.

With the last few years behind me I have a craving for contentment.  I long to have a day where I am completely relaxed and at ease with where I am, what I”m doing and where my future is heading.  I’ve been wondering lately if that is a possibility at this stage in the game.  Here I am in my 40’s trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, getting settled in yet another new residence, and looking  for my soul mate, the person I am meant to walk the earth with.

There will always be little  reminders of what I had that will pop up and  never go away,  as each day passes they will be distant memories that will always be with me; they are  part of my soul and I would not trade them for the world.  They remind me of an early time when my life was being fulfilled with being a wife and mother, and it is that feeling that I am hoping I am on a path to find.  We don’t know what lies ahead and that keeps life awfully exciting.  As I sit here tonight I never dreamed this is where I would find myself, so full of doubt and fear and a need to feel fulfilled again.  Just when I think I may be on the correct path, a wind comes and tries to carry me in another direction.  Not knowing if I am supposed to follow it or if it is meant to carry me another way is terrifying.  I tend to immediately go the direction the wind is blowing me, but then I am hit with an uneasy feeling that I was not supposed to do that.

“Being content with your own decision-making is by far one of the most complicated virtues one can possess.”

The feeling of being at ease and genuine feelings of gladness seem like dimmed stars that I am trying to reach and make bright again.  I am walking a path toward them in hopes I will be able to reach up and illuminate them by filling my heart, mind and soul with peace.  It would be really nice if God gave us path markers so we knew that we were going the right way.  I guess when the feelings of fear and sadness creep in, it may be time to change directions.  However, what if we are supposed to conquer those feelings in order to be made stronger for the path that lies ahead?

I certainly can attest to the fact that going through trials makes you stronger and sometimes we are supposed to go through them.  I just hoped that my quest for contentment would be a little easier.    Some days are great and I’m excited to be able to start again, make new dreams, and go where the wind blows.  Other days there are only one set of footprints in the sand, because God is carrying me.  I know he is with me tonight as I write this in hopes of helping others, only a moment ago my son handed me a treasure he found in the attic of my new home….a pin of Our Mother Mary, with the words,  Child of Mary.  We are not alone!  We have our angels right along with us if not to guide us then to provide comfort along the way.

footprints

Somewhere on my path is a beautiful day with the stars as bright as can be, butterflies surrounding a crisp blue waterfall and I will take a moment to be still and know.  There will come a day when I am content with who I am and where I am,  until then I will be content in knowing that God has me right where he wants me and that Serenity awaits……..

 

How do you know when your content?  Please share in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

Related blogs/links

Be Still, The Fray

It is Well Within My Soul

Living in the Tension of Uncertainty, Pay Attention

Just Give Me a Sec, Ramblings of Samantha

 


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CROSSROADS


Has anyone ever said to you that you are standing at a crossroads?  Lately I’ve been hearing this word as a lyric in songs, a line in a poem, and it’s even the professional name of some companies.  I understand the meaning as an intersection of two or more roads, and  the more popular definition, a point in which a crucial decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences.  It was just recently that I realized I have been at a crossroads on several occasions  I just didn’t know it.

Decisions are hard enough to make when we do not sit and analyze them but they become more complicated the more we look into the consequences.  We make decisions all of our lives some become good and other’s bad leaving us regretting that we had not chosen the other road.  Just like anything else in life we cannot change the past or the outcome of what that decision has created in our lives, we can only adjust to the situation and figure out a way to make it work out or move forward with whatever the consequence is.

I’ve had a couple of those regretful moments and lately I am terrified that I may be on my way towards another.  It’s extremely hard not knowing what the right thing to do is especially when the consequences can either be really good or really bad depending on the road you choose; without knowing the outcome until you have traveled the road.

So how do we choose?  I”m still trying to figure that out.  I’ve been praying on it, seeking advice of a close friend and I have talked to one family member.   I think it is important not to ask for advice from too many people at once it will only lead to mass confusion, been there done that!  Seek out someone you can trust, someone who is not biased on the situation, and obviously a counselor or your church will also be beneficial.

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  Wouldn’t it be awesome if the reason was spelled out in front of us?  A perfect world would show us signs along the way:  proceed with caution, danger ahead, yield, or slippery slope ahead.  Personally, I prefer a flashing neon sign that says Here it is; the right one!   Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.  So, here I am again at a crossroads. My job now is to figure out which road is the right road for me.  A decision that leaves you at a crossroad is usually not an easy one to make.  I will take my time, look at all of my options and see which road my gut is telling me to head down.

I’ve done a lot of changing over the last few years and one of the most important things that I’ve changed is learning to listen to my instincts.  I will no longer argue with myself that’s just silliness.  Internal instincts can be what your subconscious is feeling and deep down is what you want even if you dont’ think it is.

If you find yourself at a crossroads please don’t rush to a decision.  Take time, sleep on it, pray on it, and talk about it with someone.  Most importantly when you have reached your decision if it turns out to be the wrong path don’t beat yourself up about it.  I’ve done that and all it does is create more stress that is not needed.  If this road that I am choosing now turns out to be the wrong one I will just have to live with it and like I said before learn how to deal with the consequences.  If it turns out to be the right road then I’m that much closer to really knowing myself and trusting my instincts.

Would you like to share a time when you were at a crossroads?  Leave a reply

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

5/28/12