Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within


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Flipping Time


IMG_0753 (2)I received  a gift this week, it was small but meaningful. Given to me by someone who knows nothing about me only the fact that I have an obsessive collection.   It could be annoying to others which makes me smile just a little.   It holds purpose and keeps me on track.  I felt special to have been the person to whom it was offered.  Have you guessed it yet?

I will end your suspense, it was a clock.  But not just an ordinary clock it is in the shape of a butterfly.  Made of plastic, the clock mechanism came out which left the butterfly totally empty.  An empty butterfly is not a pretty sight in my eyes.  In fact when I first realized the clock came out of the shell I thought I had broken it, but the clock kept ticking so I knew it was still working.  I was reminded of myself,  I was broken, but kept ticking long enough to keep myself working to prepare for my flip.

So here I am, having survived several what would be anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, and at the same time I have invited new friends, and relationships. I have met some very wonderful people who needed me just as much as I needed them.  I have held the hands of some who needed me and others have held mine.

Some can flip a house and others can flip a soul.  Both are flipping “time”.  I’ve been there and have witnessed lives being changed.  I have seen a crossover between faithless and the faithful when a man visits his mom for the first time at her grave in over ten years.  I have felt the love of a son to his parents when being introduced at their grave sight.

Both of those instances stopped time for me.  I found purpose and meaning  where my IMG_0754 (1)life was at that moment. I had flipped time and I was making a difference.  Everything happens for a reason, I will always believe that.

So let’s flip some time my way, I am about to embark on another journey.  Making a move back to the area where I grew up.  It will take some adjusting but I am confident that I will find myself pretty close to where I left off.

A young, vibrant woman holding on for love, true to herself, ready for adventure, and for the “one” to give her the ultimate flip!

Courageous Butterfly

6/1/16

Related topics/posts

Just be held

 

 

 

 

 


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Sometimes You Just Need A Little Outside Help


friends

I’m in control; I’ve got this; This is my problem; I will handle this on my own; It’s no body’s business; No one will understand; I can’t ask for help…

In a perfect world we can handle our lives on our own.  We can be in control and ready to face what lies ahead, but in reality we can all use an extra hand.  Can we ask for it? Can we admit when we need it and can we take it when it is given to us?

Lately, I’ve witnessed others in my life who need the help, but don’t necessarily want to ask for it, even being frustrated that they need it.  My feeling is, take it when it is given to you.  It may be hard and you may at times feel helpless but that is when you should let those who love you swoop in and take over.

Those three stages I mentioned, I’ve been in and I’m sure it won’t be the last time.  I asked for it, I’ve admitted when I needed help and I’ve taken it when it was graciously given to me.  Sometimes it was easy, other times extremely hard but knowing that someone out there is waiting an willing to offer you the hand I find very comforting.

In my trial (divorce) that comfort wasn’t always in the form I needed. My friends and family were very helpful but biased, I searched for an outlet where no one knew me nor I them and I couldn’t find it.  I needed an escape a safe place to share my feelings.  That is when this blog was born.

I wanted to connect with others who were feeling exactly what I was.  To share my grief and listen to those going through similar circumstances, all in the hope that we could support each other.

Today I am not only proud but extremely thankful to have shared with, talked with, and cried with those of you who have followed my posts.  And I am elated that in less than two weeks I will finally be meeting my girl!

The day I saw her comment I felt so many emotions, I knew I needed to do something, I needed to find her, talk to her, and do what I could to let her know I felt exactly as she did.  No one is ever alone, there is someone out there going through what you are and feeling the same.  God never meant for any of us to walk this world alone he has gently placed each of us in others lives.

I’m so thankful and blessed for the life he has given me even with the bumps and valleys I had to walk through.  I know I am who he meant me to be and I wouldn’t be here without all the people in my life.  Without you…I would be nothing.  Thank You!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

3/27/16

Related topics

Without You, Clare Bowen, Sam Palladio

 

 


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Love It Anyway


6a0120a4cbac3d970b0120a5ea961e970b-800wiLife is full of moments…those of happiness, sadness, joy, excitement, fear, doubt, and pure satisfaction.  We cannot choose when and where these moments will happen, they just do and we have it in our power to take each as it comes and love it anyway.

The last few months I have felt kind of lost. I thought I was still looking for what I was supposed to be when I grow up but as it turns out I am passionately happy in my current career.  I love where I work even if it is not the best paying gig on the market, I mean something to those around me.  I am appreciated, accepted, and needed.  It’s not the top of the latter, but I love it anyway.

I have the cutest apartment ever.  I don’t have to landscape, I have met friends, I am comfortable.  Rent may be high, but I love it anyway.

Family is awesome! Loving, accepting, although sometimes overbearing, critical, self-serving, overpowering, but I love it anyway.

When I think about that phrase “love it anyway” It makes me relax.  That may sound strange but if you really think about it in any situation and just apply that principle it can make a whole lot of difference.  Take for instance, a little toddler throwing food around, you accept it and love it anyway.  When my dear princess dog runs off with the T.P.  I stop to take photos because I love it anyway.

How would relationships work if we applied the “love it anyway principle”? And does it mean the same thing in a romantic relationship?  When it comes to family or our children we are easy to let things slide; can that be done when we are dating?

free-falling1I am still trying to figure all this out.  From my recent studies (living life) what I can say is that no, we cannot apply the love it anyway principle.  It is not that easy just to go where the wind blows or to accept where the wind has taken you.

In a fairy tale world we all want to live by this rule, life would be perfect if we just loved it anyway.  We can do that with the little things in life. As was proven with the toddler and the puppy.  But I don’t think it can be applied to the every day adult life.  However, I am not one to let life kick me in the ass!  I’m gonna love it anyway!

I will continue to take what is given to me and just go with the flow! I may be knocked down here and there, I may come out with a few bruises.  It’s the gold medal that will count and I have to earn it.  I may only be at a silver or bronze, but the gold is just around the corner, I can feel it.

I may not be where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but I love it anyway!

Can you say the same? I’d love your comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 9/12/15

Related topics/links

Do It Anyway, Martina McBride

God’s Plan Is Greater

The Very Best Will Come To Be


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Learning how to listen


a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011

a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011

I can remember when I was little and my mom or dad would always ask in an angry tone “don’t you listen?” or “why aren’t you listening to me?” Well I’ve been asking myself that exact question for the last few years.  My divorce recovery has not always gone the best, there have been good and bad days but for the most part I can say I am proud of where I am right now.  Except for just one thing…I still do not know how to listen.

I am referring to listening to my inner self, thoughts, questions and fears.  During these last few years I have found much difficulty in trusting myself to make decisions even the simple ones.  I have sought out advice from everyone I am in contact with on pretty much all aspects of my life and I still find myself in limbo.  I have heard over and over again what a patient woman I am yet I cannot seem to find the patience within my own being.

When I counseled last she recommended to me that there really wasn’t a need for me to come back, that took me by surprise and kind of upset me.  Then she asked what I had hoped to gain from our sessions and I couldn’t answer.  Why was I really there?  She said that it looks to her like I am feeling stuck.  I quickly agreed.  At this point in my life I had hoped that I would be on a clear path yet I am still trudging through some mud and jumping over puddles.

Today, I watched Soul Surfer, it is a VERY inspirational movie about a young girl who loses her arm in a shark attack.  This young person overcame every obstacle set in her way and she realized her dream of becoming a professional surfer.  There was one scene in the movie that caught my attention along with my heart.  I think it fits almost every situation that deals with loss and the message I took from it is that you just have to be patient and listen.

I am going to try my best to focus every day on just listening to my body, mind, and heart and then live my day accordingly.  At the same time making sure that what I am doing is guiding me towards my future, whatever that may be.  The lines below are from the scene I referenced.  You can also click here to view the clip.

If you can offer suggestions on learning to listen to your inner self please share!!! I would love to hear what you have to say!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

 

Bethany Hamilton:

Go ahead, tell me how everything’s going to be okay.

Tom Hamilton:

Yea that’s me Mr. jump-right-in-and-fix-it, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut for once.

Bethany Hamilton:

I’m done, aren’t I? I can’t even paddle out to the line up passed the big waves. I don’t understand, what happened to… I can do all things. Why? Why did this happen? Why did I have to lose everything?

Tom Hamilton:

You didn’t lose everything Bethany, not even close. That shark didn’t kill you, you’re here, you’re alive, you have your family.

Bethany Hamilton:

But what am I suppose to do now?

Tom Hamilton:

I don’t know…

Bethany Hamilton:

Then how am I suppose to know?

Tom Hamilton:

When the times right you’ll know. You just have to listen.

Bethany Hamilton:

Listen for what?

Tom Hamilton:

For whatever comes next.

 


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Looking Ahead With Hope


Today summer ends and a new season begins to take shape, some of us are ready, some are not.  Looking up at the darker fall clouds I am reminded of how sometimes changing seasons in our lives can be just as cold and dark as changing weather.

There was a comment left on yesterday’s post Imagine Your Change that spurred the energy for this post.  It spoke about finding the joy in moving on and how sometimes that can be extremely difficult.  There were several times in the last four years that I tried to or thought I had actually moved on from what had happened to me and that I was going to be able to put it behind me and be happy.  I’m sure I even had a few posts that reflected those feelings at the time, but the reality is I may never actually totally put it behind me.   My marriage was half of my life, and it included many pivotal and defining moments that has helped to make me who I am.  I also know that in order to put some of that pain aside and heal from it there has to be forgiveness in your heart, not just on your lips.

Finding peace in your grief can be done but will actually be something that you have to practice, pray on, and really want.  I have found that all the negative thoughts and moments of heavy sadness and grief were not very productive, but the nights where I started to look ahead and focus on positive changes in my life brought some comfort.  So how do we forgive?  That’s a question only you can answer.  It will depend on how open your mind is and how ready you are to move forward and most important is to remember that forgiving doesn’t mean we forget, it means we simply acknowledge where we are in our life now and accept the challenge of this next life transition.  Not every transition in our lives will be what we want, all we can do is deal with it the best way we know how.hope

So find something that gives you joy, for me it’s Butterflies of course and hold it close to your heart.  When you find you are having a bad day or just need something to get you through a difficult moment cling to it, focus on it and let that person, object, scent, place, or insect guide you on your path for that day and your new tomorrow.

Can you welcome your season change and look ahead with hope?  Please comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

9/22/14

Related links/blogs

Hope In Front Of Me

Hurricane

I”m About To Rebuild You

Rest Stop….autumn is finally here


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She’s Back!


2009 After an opportunity to change was given to me

2009 After an opportunity to change was given to me

Ok, before you get too excited, the pic is old, it was taken in 2009 after I had been given a wonderful gift to complete a transformation.  The reason I am using it today is because it exudes how I am feeling.  It’s been said that one can lose themselves during a marriage, a bad relationship or a highly demanding job, did you know you can also lose yourself during a loss?  I never knew what an amazing gift a change in surroundings could be.  The term being freed from a prison is a definite understatement for me, not only was I shackled to my environment but my soul was lost within those walls.

I’ve been out of there for about two weeks and it’s been amazing!  I am no longer dreading coming home and I smile each time I pull into the drive.  It is such a beautiful feeling to know that I have been given a second chance at becoming renewed.  I feel lighter just knowing that I am no longer carrying the stress of the house around with me and sometimes I find myself grateful that I did have to spend some time there because  had I not, I would not be seeing the gift I have today.

This morning I woke up feeling like Kimberly.  That may seem strange but I haven’t felt her around me for a very long time.  Many years ago I would spend my Sunday’s making homemade sauce and meatballs, well I cannot tell you the last time that actually happened.  Guess what…today was the day!  I went to the store this morning and totally veered from my list and found myself tossing cans in the cart, almost running to each and every ingredient that I was going to need.  After arriving HOME, I turned up the music put on my dancing shoes (bare feet) and dug in.  I found myself taking time, savouring every stir of the spoon as I watched the sauce and herbs blending with each other.  The familiar smells, brought a peace to my heart and I became lost in the moment.  After a quick taste I felt safe, secure, and happy.  This was something that had gotten lost and tossed aside with my grief. Even though it is something simple, it brought an enormous amount of joy to my soul.inner_beauty-465605b712594973d3f6403d22684f66

I am content in knowing that things may not be perfect nothing ever is, but I have been given a great blessing, a chance to change.  Many of us do not see the chance to change as an opportunity, it is often seen as something bad and we go running in fear.  I wonder if the caterpillar sees her time in the cocoon as a gift of change and does not see it as just a circumstance beyond her control.  I’m going to guess that the beauty within her is a sign that she appreciated her chance, clung to it and emerges as the most beautiful version of her new self.

Have you been given a second chance at becoming you again?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

9/7/14

Related blogs/topics

Blessings, Laura Story

Seeking The Real You Within

Wherever

Paramount Reflection

Thats Where You Need To Go

 


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The Gloves Are Off….Healing In The Moment


glvoesOk, here goes nothing!  Those were my thoughts this afternoon as she headed to my way.  At first I thought I was dreaming.
Sitting in my car in the driveway of what was once my marital home to pick up the kids and I saw her through the window.  I froze at first not sure how to handle this.  The last time we said one word to each other it was….well, actually it was very civilized.  But that’s a story for my next book.  Anyway, there I was not knowing what I should do and the little voice inside me said, “Kimberly, open the window and keep your hands safely on the wheel, make sure your foot is off the gas and the car is in park”.  Any unintentional accident needed to be avoided.

She had a reasonable question concerning one of my kids .  I knew I had to answer, I took in a breath and answered as cool and calmly as I could making sure I had a nice friendly smile on my face.   I was having an exceptionally good hair day, was dressed for a family party so I think I was looking pretty darn good.  With a small but noticeable flip of my freshly styled summer blonde hair I gave her the answer she was looking for.  We continued to chat as if we were the best of friends, (not really but a stranger would not have known any different) and I’m sure her stomach was churning just as much as mine was.

While departing the driveway I had a feeling of liberation.  It was like in that short maybe three-minute conversation something in me changed.  I had survived that meeting and very glad that I had been seated safely in my car, because if I had been standing and actually felt my quivering legs it would have been a totally different experience.

What I have learned from today is that maybe I am actually healing as far as my feelings for her are concerned.  Three years ago I would not have been able to look her in the eyes and carry on a polite conversation.  Today I over came that!  I faced my fear took off the gloves that were holding on to the uncertainty, pain, and bitterness and in that moment I set them aside.  Will they always be off?  Well only time will tell I suppose.growth

I drove off with all my kids in tow with a feeling of happiness that has been a long time coming.  I felt as if I had just climbed the highest mountain, stuck my flag in the ground, held my arms up to the sky and smiled in the sunlight.

What I want to share with you through all of this is that healing can occur when you LEAST expect it.  And my friends, for me that experience was amazing!  Keep your eyes and ears open for your moment, don’t worry about when it will happen or if it will happen, like I said this one came out of nowhere for me.  Just try not to run from it.  Suppress the initial flight reaction. (I wont’ lie it was there for me but I’m no race car driver, so burning rubber out of the driveway would have been way too obvious.)  Take control of the moment when you are facing it and enjoy its reward!

Has anyone else experienced a liberating healing moment?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

7/6/14