Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within


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Have a Good Everything


inner_beauty-465605b712594973d3f6403d22684f66We’ve had our Happy New Year, and have embarked on the journey of 2017.  I had an email conversation today with someone who was thankful they had not yet made any mistakes in the new year, and I responded with the cover up for my last mistake of 2016.

In January we all strive to be our best, make an attempt to meet our goals and focus on the resolutions we’ve made.  We make this a very important start to our year, but what if what we need is just a simple phrase?  We spend all our efforts planning what we want to happen in the upcoming year and hopeful we will reach our goals and be happy.  Is it possible that just a few words can accomplish this task?

I’ve been inspired by a phrase whispered to me and I think her words will forever be with me, as simple as it was.  While walking down a hall, I said good night to someone and her response was ” have a good everything” .  It literally stopped me in my tracks.

You can’t get any better than that phrase.  There is no room for negativity, it is weeping positive.  I decided to try it out today and the response was ” thank you for putting a smile on my face”.  It actually worked!

2017 is a really big year for me.  Last year of my spousal support which leads to the first year of taking care of myself financially.   I will be joyful in knowing that it has finally come to a close, at times it was a thorn in my side.

I began 2017 with a spiritual retreat  as I have the past couple of years and this time felt different.  I wasn’t as upset and I could focus on why I was there.  I felt strength, comfort, and pride.  Pride was a word I never thought I could even speak since it all unfolded.  But I have it.  I have pride in the fact that I was not bitter, I never bashed or spoke ill of my life events.  Instead I harnessed the power of prayer, love and spirituality to become who I am today.

Part of my 2017 is to glean.  Last night I went through a box  and inside I found a letter which I wrote to myself 1/23/2011 as part of a renewal.  It’s not the first time I’ve read it but it was different. The bulk of the letter was no longer significant, then I got to the last sentence and it really hit me “take the tools that God has given you, stay on this path and you will find peace”.

How did the ME in 2011 know that the ME in 2017 was going to need to read that? And how did the lady know that her words “have a good everything” would touch me as they did?

It really doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I am almost done! It may sound silly but my alimony has put a strain on me, I want to be free of that relationship and I’m almost there.  I have just enough time to pay debt, save for a condo and take my mom on a once of a lifetime vacation.  I think I have planned the year out pretty well!

While I’m doing it I will be counting my blessings walking in God’s grace and focusing on having a good everything.

Did you feel harnessed by your divorce? please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

1/12/17

 


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Normal, except for:


test resultsResults are good, everything checks out except for the following:  There are trivial amounts of an abnormality and the source is unknown. You may go about your normal daily activities.

Would you find this helpful on your healing journey or do you see it as a way to hide an underlying reason for what you are suffering with?

When I was in the midst of my divorce I tried very hard to make sure my life looked normal.  I did a lot of pretending, some saw through it but other’s did not.  As I look back now, I think if I had just let things ride out naturally without hiding my actual feelings I may have made my healing process a lot easier.

Instead I chose to make it look like my life was normal knowing inside that there was an “except for” clause attached to it.  Unfortunately, I let that feeling of normalcy be a guide to making some poor decisions.  I was living as if the results were 100% what I wanted them to be, when in reality that was far from the truth.

So, am I behind in my healing journey because of that,  or am I that much further ahead for recognizing it?  When I think back to what I can apply it to I am reminded of a series of questions and answers.

Q:  How are you holding up?        A:  I’m great, thank you for being concerned.

Q:  You look like your handling things very well are you ok?  A:  Ya, it get’s better every day.

Q:  Your so strong, how do you do it?         A:  I have God at my side.

I could go on but will stop at those that were asked the most.  The important thing is what all of these have in common.  Every question resulted in a normal answer, one that seemed like everything was in control.  However, each answer neglected to give the details about the “except for” that I felt with every part of my being.  Same questions but honest answers: results

A:  I’m great except that I feel like my life is a mess, and I’m not sure how I will come out of all of this.

A:  Every day is a constant struggle I need all the help I can get to make it through my day.

A:  I need the prayers of everyone I know to make sure I survive this.

The first set of answers were all warm and fuzzy right?  Sugar coating makes us feel better and we appear to be strong to those who are watching us survive our tragedy.  But are we just hampering our healing and the ability to move on if we are not being honest with how we are actually feeling?  Healing from anything can be a very long process and we all do it in our own time.  Nothing is cut and dry especially when it comes to getting “normal” results.

My advice to you is, if you want a 100% normal result, put in the effort to achieve it. Be honest not only with yourself but with those around you and let them carry you on whatever part of your journey they are meant to be on.  It will be worth it.

If you can relate to acting normal but living with the “except for’s” please share your stories.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 6/13/16

 

 

 

 


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A Path To Contentment


waterfallcrisp A place you thought was your ending; your landing strip could possibly be your starting point; your ready–set–go!  How do you find contentment when your mind is full of doubt, fear, and concern that you are making the right choices.  I’ve been on a few bumpy and frightening paths but this one could be the most frustrating of them all.

With the last few years behind me I have a craving for contentment.  I long to have a day where I am completely relaxed and at ease with where I am, what I”m doing and where my future is heading.  I’ve been wondering lately if that is a possibility at this stage in the game.  Here I am in my 40’s trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, getting settled in yet another new residence, and looking  for my soul mate, the person I am meant to walk the earth with.

There will always be little  reminders of what I had that will pop up and  never go away,  as each day passes they will be distant memories that will always be with me; they are  part of my soul and I would not trade them for the world.  They remind me of an early time when my life was being fulfilled with being a wife and mother, and it is that feeling that I am hoping I am on a path to find.  We don’t know what lies ahead and that keeps life awfully exciting.  As I sit here tonight I never dreamed this is where I would find myself, so full of doubt and fear and a need to feel fulfilled again.  Just when I think I may be on the correct path, a wind comes and tries to carry me in another direction.  Not knowing if I am supposed to follow it or if it is meant to carry me another way is terrifying.  I tend to immediately go the direction the wind is blowing me, but then I am hit with an uneasy feeling that I was not supposed to do that.

“Being content with your own decision-making is by far one of the most complicated virtues one can possess.”

The feeling of being at ease and genuine feelings of gladness seem like dimmed stars that I am trying to reach and make bright again.  I am walking a path toward them in hopes I will be able to reach up and illuminate them by filling my heart, mind and soul with peace.  It would be really nice if God gave us path markers so we knew that we were going the right way.  I guess when the feelings of fear and sadness creep in, it may be time to change directions.  However, what if we are supposed to conquer those feelings in order to be made stronger for the path that lies ahead?

I certainly can attest to the fact that going through trials makes you stronger and sometimes we are supposed to go through them.  I just hoped that my quest for contentment would be a little easier.    Some days are great and I’m excited to be able to start again, make new dreams, and go where the wind blows.  Other days there are only one set of footprints in the sand, because God is carrying me.  I know he is with me tonight as I write this in hopes of helping others, only a moment ago my son handed me a treasure he found in the attic of my new home….a pin of Our Mother Mary, with the words,  Child of Mary.  We are not alone!  We have our angels right along with us if not to guide us then to provide comfort along the way.

footprints

Somewhere on my path is a beautiful day with the stars as bright as can be, butterflies surrounding a crisp blue waterfall and I will take a moment to be still and know.  There will come a day when I am content with who I am and where I am,  until then I will be content in knowing that God has me right where he wants me and that Serenity awaits……..

 

How do you know when your content?  Please share in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

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Be Still, The Fray

It is Well Within My Soul

Living in the Tension of Uncertainty, Pay Attention

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