Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within


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The Fire Inside Me


runningTomorrow I run!  My first 5K of the season and third all time.  I’m no Forrest Gump but I will do my best.  The path is unknown I will have to look for the route markers and stay the course.  I will need to delve deep into my energy reserves, focus on my breathing, concentrate on my surroundings, and eventually cross the finish line.   If you close your  eyes and repeat the italicized text,  I promise you can apply that to any life experience.

Being emotional in public can be awkward but when I run no one really notices.  Could be the wind or the sun in my eyes.  So why do I cry when I run?  I asked myself that same question the first time my purple shoes hit the pavement.  I answered the question as I crossed the finish line.

   Accomplishment

Reaching a goal no matter how small can be food enough to fill your soul for a lifetime.  Nearly 8 years go I had a fire lit inside me and at the time I had no idea where it was going to take me.  I did not know that it was meant to prepare me for the struggle ahead.  I didn’t have a plotted route, or even a clue of what I was about to face.  Reflecting on it now, I am certain the opportunity that was placed in my hands and lit the fire, was the gift of strength.   Something I had not yet possessed.

I have two caterpillars in little cups beginning to shed into the chrysalis.  Every day I watch their activity and I don’t have to wonder what that struggle feels like, because the human struggle is the same.  The caterpillar does not know that The path is unknown and will have to look for the route markers and stay the course;  will need to delve deep into energy reserves, focus on breathing, concentrate on surroundings, and eventually cross the finish line into complete transformation.chrysalis-wide

After the struggle, accomplishment will become its focus.  The beauty it represents will be appreciated by many and its inner light will shine bright!

I won’t be completely transformed when I cross the finish line tomorrow.  I still have many more runs to complete, each one adding fuel to my fire.

Can you compare a struggle to that of a caterpillar?  Please share in comments.

Shine your light bright!

Courageous Butterfly

Kimberly

4/8/17

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Have a Good Everything


inner_beauty-465605b712594973d3f6403d22684f66We’ve had our Happy New Year, and have embarked on the journey of 2017.  I had an email conversation today with someone who was thankful they had not yet made any mistakes in the new year, and I responded with the cover up for my last mistake of 2016.

In January we all strive to be our best, make an attempt to meet our goals and focus on the resolutions we’ve made.  We make this a very important start to our year, but what if what we need is just a simple phrase?  We spend all our efforts planning what we want to happen in the upcoming year and hopeful we will reach our goals and be happy.  Is it possible that just a few words can accomplish this task?

I’ve been inspired by a phrase whispered to me and I think her words will forever be with me, as simple as it was.  While walking down a hall, I said good night to someone and her response was ” have a good everything” .  It literally stopped me in my tracks.

You can’t get any better than that phrase.  There is no room for negativity, it is weeping positive.  I decided to try it out today and the response was ” thank you for putting a smile on my face”.  It actually worked!

2017 is a really big year for me.  Last year of my spousal support which leads to the first year of taking care of myself financially.   I will be joyful in knowing that it has finally come to a close, at times it was a thorn in my side.

I began 2017 with a spiritual retreat  as I have the past couple of years and this time felt different.  I wasn’t as upset and I could focus on why I was there.  I felt strength, comfort, and pride.  Pride was a word I never thought I could even speak since it all unfolded.  But I have it.  I have pride in the fact that I was not bitter, I never bashed or spoke ill of my life events.  Instead I harnessed the power of prayer, love and spirituality to become who I am today.

Part of my 2017 is to glean.  Last night I went through a box  and inside I found a letter which I wrote to myself 1/23/2011 as part of a renewal.  It’s not the first time I’ve read it but it was different. The bulk of the letter was no longer significant, then I got to the last sentence and it really hit me “take the tools that God has given you, stay on this path and you will find peace”.

How did the ME in 2011 know that the ME in 2017 was going to need to read that? And how did the lady know that her words “have a good everything” would touch me as they did?

It really doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I am almost done! It may sound silly but my alimony has put a strain on me, I want to be free of that relationship and I’m almost there.  I have just enough time to pay debt, save for a condo and take my mom on a once of a lifetime vacation.  I think I have planned the year out pretty well!

While I’m doing it I will be counting my blessings walking in God’s grace and focusing on having a good everything.

Did you feel harnessed by your divorce? please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

1/12/17

 


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I found my Passion!


One year ago I sat in a conference room at a retreat and after listening to several people speak, and watching a few videos  I was asked the question “What is your passion?”  I had no answer and I was devastated.  For years my passion was wife and mother.  Don’t get me wrong that was very fulfilling for me and I would not trade it for the world.  But in that moment when I could not produce an answer it left me feeling anxious, sad, and sometimes hopeless, until today.

At approximately 7pm this evening  I was finally able to answer that question.  My passion is writing, sharing my story and helping other’s who have been through what I have.  It was the best feeling, and I haven’t felt that good in a very long time.  Even though I”ve had some accomplishments since the divorce, like getting an actual job, this was different.

In that moment of extreme clarity I felt like I had a purpose.  I know there are millions of people out there who are struggling with divorce and loss and I’m just another blip on that screen, but if I can help just one other blip my dreams will be realized. I did have family and friends to turn to during my time of loss but what I was missing was true life stories to compare to.  I was so busy with the act of getting a divorce that I didn’t look to see if there were other’s like me out there.

I want to be that “search result” when someone else does their Google search.  I would like my stories,  reflections and  words to calm the souls of those who are struggling.  I feel like I am on the right path to doing just that and with the continued love and support of my friends, family, and fellow bloggers I will be on my way to becoming who I want to be when I grow up!

 

So I need to ask  what is your passion?

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/5/12