New page created!! From Caterpillar to Butterfly



The cover image

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Beech Creek Nature Preserve

I chose this photograph to represent the blog because of it’s imperfection as well as it’s beauty. As you will learn from my stories, the caterpillar’s struggle is real just as real as our own and scars are in inevitable. If you look closely at the tip of the butterflies right wing in this photo, you will notice a piece of it missing. Of course it’s hard to say when and how this happened, but that really doesn’t matter anyway. What matters is that the butterfly is still vibrant and able to fly. More importantly, that imperfection which we see is a reflection of a triumph through pain whether it occurred before, during or after total transformation.

You can call this the Calm After the Storm; Broken is Beautiful; From Ashes to Light; and so many other things…I see wonder! Amazement! Transformation! Inspiration! and God’s Beauty.

The grief of loss may have you broken, but those virtues are still inside. All it takes is a little elbow grease, hugs from friends, a few positive words of encouragement and you will emerge just as beautiful as you can be!

I hope you find healing in your own metamorphosis and enjoy being a member of the Out of The Chrysalis community.
~Kimberly

Tears as Fuel


I’m going to begin this post by quoting song lyrics from the very popular movie Frozen.  From the song titled Let it Go:

“The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I’ve tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know”

Only five lines but boy do they pack in meaning!  If I were to reflect back on some of the worst times of my trial, I would see many days of tears, but more so holding them back.  Most of us know as that song plays out, she let’s go and stops hiding who she really is.  But is she really being true to herself and her emotions?  If you saw the movie, then you know when this song happens, she is angry and secluded herself from family, friends and the town.  What exactly did she let go of? I think she actually let go of the very things she secluded herself from, and in that respect, she has lost people who love her.

Grieving a loss can be so complex, and it is natural for us to want to be alone, and not let anyone see how we are being affected.  Doing so, can result in much anxiety, stress, and may eventually lead to mental and physical breakdowns.  So, what are we supposed to do with our tears…I say give them to God, and allow him to use as fuel for your healing.

God is the one who holds every tear you cry in his hands.  We can “Let it go” as the song encourages, but first, we must give everything over to God and then let Him dispose of it.

silhouette and grayscale photography of man standing under the rain
Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric on Pexels.com

All of the hurt, frustration, anger, and other countless emotions that you are feeling during your loss or even healing period, let God have it all.  God’s hands will become a place of respite, which you can cry into.  Every tear that falls is blessed, kissed and held ever so tightly in His hands.

I can share with you my own experience when one day I allowed myself to cry in God’s precious hands.  I had made the decision to let my tears become my strength, and no longer allow them to bring me down.  In prayer, I laid it all in His hands and it proved to be a very freeing experience.  It won’t always be easy, some things we go through are so hard that it almost seems like the acknowledgment of them to God, is accepting the situation as something you are ok with.  That does not have to be the case!  In surrendering the circumstance, you are merely letting God know that you need his healing upon you and the issue.  It can be very helpful for your emotional well being, to place your feelings into blessed hands.

So give yourself a cry fest! Let it all go! Allowing God’s hands to hold every tear for you, and replenish you with a loving grace that will ultimately result in a happy heart.   If you have difficulty with the thought of this type of prayer, then go to a trusted friend or advisor, share your feelings, and ask them to hold your tears, while you walk in your path to healing.

I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences!

Psalm 107:19  “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress”

Courageous Butterfly

2/17/19

Memories Triggered


chrysalisSpring is upon us and that means caterpillars everywhere are on the verge of becoming a newer version of themselves. With much time spent in the chrysalis, letting go of the past and preparing for a great adventure.  Over the past 7 years, I have been doing the same thing and life has led me to many wonderful adventures of late.  Recently however, I had a “moment” that I would like to share with you! It came suddenly and completely took me by surprise!

In January of 2013, I wrote a post on PTSD and Divorce. Over the past few years, I have not suffered any of those mentioned PTSD experiences, and have felt pretty well renewed.  I have some wounds that will always be present in my mind, but for the most part, I am a new and improved person who just happened to have survived a divorce.  Towards the end of that post, I mentioned that as part of my healing journey, I was at war with my memories.  Through the restorative process, I have surrendered my memories and processed much of what I needed too, or so I thought. Apparently, my mind had other plans and decided to wage war once again.

The trigger was a song that happened to come on while I was watching television. The song immediately infuriated me.  I began yelling out and having an argument with the person singing.  I wanted to know what gave the artist the right to create such a song and sing it as if it were the best thing ever written.  I found myself having a very one-sided conversation and becoming angrier at every word.

The next day I was speaking to a friend about my “moment”. All of a sudden, I heard words coming out of my mouth that were not there the night before.  I was actually explaining why that song was such a trigger.  I quickly realized that what was happening in the lyrics was something that I wished I had done during my period of doubts.  That piece was a rendition of my life but with scenes that never played out due to my fears and uncertainty.  Situations that I did not allow myself to be a part of because I did not want to believe they were true.  These impetuous feelings were hurtful to me, but this time I was the one causing the pain.

I know we cannot go back and say “what if”, but I really wanted to ask myself that question. The more I thought about it; my answer was that the outcome would probably not have been any different.  In fact, it may have been worse.  I trusted in my perception during those times, and I chose a way to react that was secure for me.

This unexpected moment was a very valuable lesson. It has showed me that deep down this was an unresolved issue, having nothing to do with my ex, it was all me!  Will there be more? I have no clue, but at least now, I know how to identify it and process it.  I do know that when it happens again, I will let the music play, soak in the lyrics and glide with the rhythm.

butterfly musicWhat I think is important to pass along here, is do not shut yourself out! These “moments” will appear without warning and can be frightening to face head on.  I faced mine by accident the following day and I am grateful for the experience and now the knowledge.  When you get to this point in your journey, remember this as an important step in the healing process.  Trust in God, and listen to what you have to say.  Do not be afraid to be angry with yourself but also remember to be just as forgiving!

Do you have an experience of a “moment” you would like to share? Please comment.

Blessings, Kimberly / Courageous Butterfly

Related Topics/Posts

Does PTSD after divorce exist? You better believe it!

Letting Go of Regret