Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within

The Blog

Out of the Chrysalis

At some point in our lives we all endure a time or trial of pain and suffering which is usually brought on by something that was either out of our control or not something that we desired.  We have a choice to be defeated by whatever it was we went through or embrace the transformation into becoming a new and improved version of our old self.

Choosing to embrace this transformation is not an easy thing to do.  In fact when I first began this blog it was dedicated to patient women who had suffered a divorce.  While working on that blog I had to stop, it was proving to be too devastating for me to write about how painful my life was at the time.  I found myself becoming a bitter person.  It’s now been just over a year since my trial ended and my transformation is just now beginning.  I finally see the positive changes that have and are being made because I endured that great loss in my life; I can now begin to transform into the new person I will be.

If we think about the caterpillar’s trial of being in the chrysalis not knowing why he/she is there or how long he/she will suffer before transforming into the beautiful butterfly we can relate that to what it is that we are going through.  For me my chrysalis was the 2 year long divorce.  I was stuck in there grieving my marriage and holding onto the pain fearing I was not strong enough to handle what was on the outside.   The fear of not knowing had me staying in that chrysalis longer than I needed to be there.

We all grieve and get past things on our own time and a lot of times it is important not to rush through the process.  However it’s also important to realize when you have been stuck in a stage for too long.  We have to keep in mind that the caterpillar goes through a lot of hard work to get out of the cocoon safely.  This needs to be the main focus when we are preparing to emerge from the painful life event that we have been going through.  We will never forget what happened to us that’s a given so the trick is to find a way to use it positively in our new lives so that when we emerge from the chrysalis we have that trial, that pain, that suffering as a tool in our transformation.

My divorce put me through the ringer and during those 2 years I had to work really hard to keep myself from slipping down the wrong path.  Because of what I was going through I was forced  to become a stronger person.  For the first time in my life I had to find the strength and courage to take care of myself, make decisions for myself and it scared the crap out of me!  But just like the caterpillar I didn’t have a choice, at some point I would break out of the chrysalis.  So,  once it opened I would have to choose to either be a broken butterfly or use the tools I gained and begin my transformation.

Recently when I decided to begin work again on my blog and had read some of the stories that I had posted I realized that I am a very different person.  I have finally come out of my chrysalis and have begun my transformation.  This realization was something very important to me because I know that I am truly healing, I am moving forward.  I will always have that horrible event that happened in my life it will never go away but I have begun using the tools that I gained from that pain for a positive transformation of my life.

If you have been through a difficult time in your life either recently or even along time ago I encourage you to take a moment and check to see if  you are stuck in your chrysalis and reply with your story so that you to can begin to emerge transformed like the beautiful butterfly.



3 thoughts on “The Blog

  1. Phyllis this is beautiful!!! Thank you so much for sharing!!!

    Hugs, Kimberly


  2. I thought I’d share something with you that I wrote about after I had experienced it – about 6 months after my ex told me of his months of infidelity when he traveled to another state for business each month and wanting a divorce. At that time – we had been married for over 39 years.
    Sorry for the length.

    I want to remember this turning point for me in my recovery.

    I went to the UCC Womens retreat in October. It was based on women of the Bible, but also on works by Judy Chicago. For our craft project we were instructed to make a plate for a dinner party that represented a woman who had inspired us, or been important in our lives.

    I stood at the table of craft items, unable to think of anyone to base my plate on. It was a beautiful fall day outside. So I decided to take a walk and to walk the outdoor labyrinth.

    In the past, I have been unable to find any true connection to the inner me, or God, when walking a labyrinth. This time was very different. As I walked and prayed, a peace came over me. I noticed a rock that caught my eye. It looked like a piece of granite, with little parts of it sparkling. I picked it up. I continued to the center of the labyrinth where others had left rocks and other items. Some had writing on them. I said a few prayers. Then I began my journey out of the labyrinth.

    About halfway out I came across another rock that I felt compelled to pick up. As I turned the rock over I saw it had writing on it. Written on it was the word “Health”. I began to put the rock down, knowing someone had left it as their prayer, but as I began to put it down, this voice inside my head said; “No, you need this.”

    After leaving the labyrinth, I walked along the path heading back to the camp. I noticed a piece of wood with a dark round dip in it. Again, I felt compelled to pick it up. It was at this point that I realized what each piece was that I had picked up so far.

    Next I was drawn to a rough piece that I thought was a stone. When I picked it up I realized it was a piece of bark. I threw it down and started to walk again. After a few steps, a thought came into my mind, no, you need that piece of bark. So I returned to the area where I had thrown it and retrieved it.

    Things like this continued throughout my walk. At one point I thought I was finished, but felt the urge to continue.

    When I told the ladies that evening about my plate I began by telling the other ladies that I hadn’t really followed directions. My plate wasn’t about a particular woman but about women in general. I told them that I was going through a divorce after 39+ years of marriage. That my husband had been unfaithful and he was the one who wanted the divorce.

    I then began to explain my plate. I told them of my journey on the labyrinth and how I found each piece. Then I told them how I made my plate.

    The center of my plate has a large Maple leaf with the words Love, Peace and Hope written on it. This leaf represents God and what he brings into our lives.

    On top of the leaf I have glued two feathers. They stand for the lightness and flight God brings to our lives when we seek him.

    Starting at the 1 position on a clock is a piece of broken glass I found. This represents the brokenness I felt when my husband told me of his unfaithfulness and lying for months.

    Next at the 3 o’clock position is the piece of wood with the dark indentation. This represents the hole that is in my heart, but the hole doesn’t go all the way through, so it will heal.

    Next, at the 6 o’clock position, is the piece of bark that I had at first thrown away. This represents the rough times we all experience in life, but we somehow managed to make it through. Made easier with the help of Friends, family and God.

    You will notice that this side of my plate with the difficulties has fewer items than the side with the positives.

    Next is the stone with the word Health written on it that I at first started to return to the labyrinth. This represents my journey back to mental and physical health.

    Next is the first rock I found. As I said, it reminded me of granite with the tiny sparkles in it. I’ve written the word strength, as granite is strong and I know I too have an inner strength that will help me through this terrible time.

    Next are the red berries that were surviving even though most of the leaves and other life in nature seemed to be dying. They of course represent survival.

    At the top is a small mum flower, representing new life.

    Surrounding my plate I placed lace to represent my openness to the love, comfort and support of my family and friends throughout this difficult time in my life.

    I’ve placed a small star at the top to represent my light again shinning through. The two butterflies represent rebirth. My old life is no more, so I am being reborn.

    As I said at the beginning, this plate represents women in general – even though it is meant for me in particular. I pray that even though it is not as beautiful as some of the other plates – what it represents – the rebirth of me – and all women who must deal with difficulties in their lives – will touch you as I was touched to make it.


  3. I’m going to link to this article on my blog I found very much the same thing. With my first, I raelly didn’t want to give up my evening hours. Mind you, for the first few months, she didn’t go to sleep until nearly midnight and screamed for hours beforehand, so I didn’t have much choice, but when she began to fall asleep earlier in the evening, I would let her sleep on my chest or in my arms and watch movies with my husband, blog, check my email, read, knit, etc.With my second child, I’m going to bed! He normally falls asleep for the night between 7 & 8, and as soon as our daughter is in bed (around 8:30), I head to bed. Sometimes I read for a half hour, sometimes my hubby and I watch a tv show for a half hour, but mostly? I need that sleep especially because you can’t nap when the baby sleeps with the second!


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