Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within

Learning how to listen


a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011

a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011

I can remember when I was little and my mom or dad would always ask in an angry tone “don’t you listen?” or “why aren’t you listening to me?” Well I’ve been asking myself that exact question for the last few years.  My divorce recovery has not always gone the best, there have been good and bad days but for the most part I can say I am proud of where I am right now.  Except for just one thing…I still do not know how to listen.

I am referring to listening to my inner self, thoughts, questions and fears.  During these last few years I have found much difficulty in trusting myself to make decisions even the simple ones.  I have sought out advice from everyone I am in contact with on pretty much all aspects of my life and I still find myself in limbo.  I have heard over and over again what a patient woman I am yet I cannot seem to find the patience within my own being.

When I counseled last she recommended to me that there really wasn’t a need for me to come back, that took me by surprise and kind of upset me.  Then she asked what I had hoped to gain from our sessions and I couldn’t answer.  Why was I really there?  She said that it looks to her like I am feeling stuck.  I quickly agreed.  At this point in my life I had hoped that I would be on a clear path yet I am still trudging through some mud and jumping over puddles.

Today, I watched Soul Surfer, it is a VERY inspirational movie about a young girl who loses her arm in a shark attack.  This young person overcame every obstacle set in her way and she realized her dream of becoming a professional surfer.  There was one scene in the movie that caught my attention along with my heart.  I think it fits almost every situation that deals with loss and the message I took from it is that you just have to be patient and listen.

I am going to try my best to focus every day on just listening to my body, mind, and heart and then live my day accordingly.  At the same time making sure that what I am doing is guiding me towards my future, whatever that may be.  The lines below are from the scene I referenced.  You can also click here to view the clip.

If you can offer suggestions on learning to listen to your inner self please share!!! I would love to hear what you have to say!


Courageous Butterfly


Bethany Hamilton:

Go ahead, tell me how everything’s going to be okay.

Tom Hamilton:

Yea that’s me Mr. jump-right-in-and-fix-it, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut for once.

Bethany Hamilton:

I’m done, aren’t I? I can’t even paddle out to the line up passed the big waves. I don’t understand, what happened to… I can do all things. Why? Why did this happen? Why did I have to lose everything?

Tom Hamilton:

You didn’t lose everything Bethany, not even close. That shark didn’t kill you, you’re here, you’re alive, you have your family.

Bethany Hamilton:

But what am I suppose to do now?

Tom Hamilton:

I don’t know…

Bethany Hamilton:

Then how am I suppose to know?

Tom Hamilton:

When the times right you’ll know. You just have to listen.

Bethany Hamilton:

Listen for what?

Tom Hamilton:

For whatever comes next.



3 thoughts on “Learning how to listen

  1. Elizabeth that was beautiful and so well said. Thank you very much I will definitely check out the book. It does kind of make sense to be also that I am confused when taking this next step for this chapter because it is uncharted waters. I never wen to college or any of that I had skipped it all to be married. Now doing it all in my adult years us much scarier and a heck of a lot harder!

    Thanks again and many blessings,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. elizabeth – I will need to get this book. Sounds as though it is something that could aid me in my journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Have you ever read ‘The Adult Years’ by Frederick Hudson. It explains about ‘Life Chapters’, and how often (after a life change) we just need to revamp the old chapter, but sometimes we need to write a completely new one. If that is the case, it takes longer. There are two preparation phases, one is cocooning (which you describe you have done) and hibernating and letting go of the old chapter, the second preparation phase is renewal which is planning for the next chapter. But this phase can take some time, maybe years. When you think about it, that is equivalent to a young person moving away from home, doing a degree, starting out in initial jobs before settling down into their chosen career or relationship. Everyone understands that takes quite a few years for that young person to change and start their new ‘adult’ chapter and they often do not reach that place until their thirties, yet we are too hard on ourselves after divorce expecting that we should bounce into our new life within a few months or a year. Take your time to just ‘be’ and – as you say – listen to your inner wants and desires…. it will come.

    Liked by 1 person

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