I can remember when I was little and my mom or dad would always ask in an angry tone “don’t you listen?” or “why aren’t you listening to me?” Well I’ve been asking myself that exact question for the last few years. My divorce recovery has not always gone the best, there have been good and bad days but for the most part I can say I am proud of where I am right now. Except for just one thing…I still do not know how to listen.
I am referring to listening to my inner self, thoughts, questions and fears. During these last few years I have found much difficulty in trusting myself to make decisions even the simple ones. I have sought out advice from everyone I am in contact with on pretty much all aspects of my life and I still find myself in limbo. I have heard over and over again what a patient woman I am yet I cannot seem to find the patience within my own being.
When I counseled last she recommended to me that there really wasn’t a need for me to come back, that took me by surprise and kind of upset me. Then she asked what I had hoped to gain from our sessions and I couldn’t answer. Why was I really there? She said that it looks to her like I am feeling stuck. I quickly agreed. At this point in my life I had hoped that I would be on a clear path yet I am still trudging through some mud and jumping over puddles.
Today, I watched Soul Surfer, it is a VERY inspirational movie about a young girl who loses her arm in a shark attack. This young person overcame every obstacle set in her way and she realized her dream of becoming a professional surfer. There was one scene in the movie that caught my attention along with my heart. I think it fits almost every situation that deals with loss and the message I took from it is that you just have to be patient and listen.
I am going to try my best to focus every day on just listening to my body, mind, and heart and then live my day accordingly. At the same time making sure that what I am doing is guiding me towards my future, whatever that may be. The lines below are from the scene I referenced. You can also click here to view the clip.
If you can offer suggestions on learning to listen to your inner self please share!!! I would love to hear what you have to say!
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
Bethany Hamilton:
Go ahead, tell me how everything’s going to be okay.
Tom Hamilton:
Yea that’s me Mr. jump-right-in-and-fix-it, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut for once.
Bethany Hamilton:
I’m done, aren’t I? I can’t even paddle out to the line up passed the big waves. I don’t understand, what happened to… I can do all things. Why? Why did this happen? Why did I have to lose everything?
Tom Hamilton:
You didn’t lose everything Bethany, not even close. That shark didn’t kill you, you’re here, you’re alive, you have your family.
Bethany Hamilton:
But what am I suppose to do now?
Tom Hamilton:
I don’t know…
Bethany Hamilton:
Then how am I suppose to know?
Tom Hamilton:
When the times right you’ll know. You just have to listen.
Bethany Hamilton:
Listen for what?
Tom Hamilton:
For whatever comes next.
Just when you think things are getting better, it happens AGAIN! Of course, we know that is what life is all about. The ups, the downs, the happy as well as sad. I had spent an entire year preparing for something that was to have taken place last weekend, but I was struck down with the flu virus. And not just the 24 hour or even 4 day flu, it was the 7 day tied to the couch illness. One week from receiving my flu shot of course. But the flu is not the purpose for this post today, it is learning that when we are fighting a foe, patience isn’t always the easiest.
Many of the outcomes of my divorce were surprises to me and not what I had expected or anticipated, just at this past weekend. However, the divorce produced new life, new change and a chance to grow and strengthen, as well as this past weekend. I’m seeing a pattern here. Both of these instances were successes in my life and should not be seen as anything less. This time I could see it quicker and more clearly because I knew what to look for.
Today summer ends and a new season begins to take shape, some of us are ready, some are not. Looking up at the darker fall clouds I am reminded of how sometimes changing seasons in our lives can be just as cold and dark as changing weather.
