Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within


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The Divorce Life Event


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This was taken 6 years ago…pre-divorce I had just completed a transformation where I was forced to push myself in ways I never thought I could accomplish…but I did it!  And I will continue to grow transformed and renewed in my new life!

If you are a Facebook fan then you are aware of the section where you can choose to post your “life event”.  Most times we see those that are shared for engagements, weddings, and milestone birthdays.  I don’t recall seeing one for divorce, that may fall into the “it’s complicated” category of your status.  Although there is one that says create your own.  I ask you…have you ever seen anyone post their divorce as a life event?

The bigger question is, in today’s society with nearly 45% of marriages failing why isn’t divorce on that list?  Being one of the most difficult life events, to survive I feel it should be recognized.  One of the first three questions on every healthcare form, or job application asks for your marital status and divorce is an option on those forms.

My discussion today in regards to divorce being recognized as a  life event stems directly from this blog.  I took some time to think about why I started this site, what my initial purpose was and is it smart for me to keep it going?  I’ve often wondered if looking back on my past was hindering my healing or moving forward.   I started to reflect on the significance of certain events in life that truly change who you are and the path you were on and placed you somewhere you never thought you would be.  Then I thought about where I might be had that particular life event never happen and I couldn’t see that part of my life.  I closed my eyes and really tried to focus on my past, my marriage and tried to imagine what it would be like today…the mental page was blank.

I was upset at first, but then I sat down and started looking over the comments on this site.  I read so many that started out by saying “thank you for writing this”.  My first post on this site was not my hardest but it was the scariest.  Not knowing how it would be received, would it be helpful to other’s as well as aid in my healing?  Today I am proud to say it has been a very positive experience.  Some posts were very hard and took a lot out of me, but those also seem to be the ones that were most received and helpful to those suffering the same experiences.

I’m a big believer of things happen for a reason, some may not happen the way we want, or how we ever imagined, but there is always going to be a reason.

I will never regret sitting here and typing my thoughts, fears, feelings, and sharing my tears, knowing that I may be offering someone out there a virtual hug, a listening ear, or just a calmness in knowing they are not alone.

So why not celebrate the life event that got me where I am today?  I have a great job, family, a roof over my head and many new friends that were strategically placed on my path because of where my life took me.  I found my passion for writing, which I never would have had the confidence to do without going through that life trial.

Mr. Mark Zuckerberg I would like Divorce to be placed on the Life Event section of Face Book please. (end of relationship doesn’t count).

Do you believe, the greatest trials of this life can also be your mercies in disguise?  Please comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

Related links/posts

Blessings, Laura Story

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I’m Still Learning, Lessonsfromtheendofamarriage

 

 

 

 

 


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From The Bottom Of My Heart


thank you wordle

I want to take a moment to say thank you to my awesome readers for the kind words you have said in your comments on my posts.  Most recently there was a comment on how open and honest my articles are.   I have to admit it is very easy for me to be totally honest when I”m writing. It is almost the only time that my feelings are in a way completely naked. Something happens within me and the words just flow from my heart to the keys and before I know it I have put words to the way I am feeling.

I ended up going to a Christian concert last night last-minute and I am so glad I did. I was able to hear some of the artists speak and one in particular stood out. He spoke of writing the songs and said that their songs are words of experiences they all have gone through. In a sense their journal. He stated that if someone would critique their song, they were actually critiquing the personal journals of each band member.

That is exactly what I am trying to accomplish with my blog. I am putting all of myself out there because that is what I needed in the heat of my divorce, and still to this day. I find comfort in knowing that I may help someone else and at the same time I am cleansing and healing with each word that is written.

Reading your kind comments keeps me from worrying if I’m telling too much, sometimes I think maybe I’ve said more than I needed to in order to get the point across and other times I don’t think I’ve said enough.  You may be surprised to learn that usually the days when I”m struggling the most with my inner feelings, those are the posts that are the easiest to write.  When I stop and think about that now, it’s because in those moments my heart is at it’s most vulnerable.  heartjournal

I’ve been working hard on the eBook and it is just about ready for publication, and I cannot wait for you all to read it, I will welcome your comments with open ears, eyes, and of course my heart.  

Thank you for your continued support, prayers and blessings.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

3/21/14

 


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Surrender…And Seek The Blessings


UPDATE:  Two days after writing this post I was lucky enough to attend a Laura Story Concert.  I was a little apprehensive about going because after all it was Valentines Day!  But I sucked it up and went anyway.  I’d like to share the video I took of Laura performing the song Blessings, which I referenced in this blog post. (click link below)  Close your eyes, listen to the words then pay close attention around the 4:47 minute mark…..The song ends yet she still has a little more to say.  Listen to her words and then look at the title of this post again!  It’s truly AMAZING!  That was a very big God moment for me, it was in that moment that I knew he is aware of what is going on in my life!  Enjoy!

http://youtu.be/v7K3K97XEcM

 

“The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transformed into peace. Anything you accept fully will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.” – Eckhart Tolle

When I read that quote I could picture the caterpillar in the cocoon at her weakest moment, afraid, unsure and unaware of her potential if she would just take a deep breath and surrender.  Sounds easy right?  How many times have we told ourselves to stop and take a deep breath, then move forward.  Probably too many to count.  This week I had the chance to wave my flag and surrender.

flowers_surrender_124110I’ve noticed that while we see the beautiful butterfly, the product of all the hard work, we rarely see the caterpillar.  I visited a butterfly garden this summer and the focus was on the butterflies flying around the exhibit, but I was entranced with the caterpillars in their cocoons.  The time spent in the chrysalis is the toughest part of the transformation.  I would guess that there would be confusion, pain,  worry and fear.  Sounding familiar?  They are too me.  Those are exactly the feelings I dealt with while surviving my divorce, or as I like to think of it, the beginning of my time spent in the chrysalis.

I was forced to make many tough and painful decisions during that time and one of them is still with me today.  It is one that I had been regretting for the last year, that has caused not only emotional pain but some financial hardship as well.  I knew that I could not continue to beat myself up about it and I had resolved that it was the right thing to do at the time.  I had become satisfied with the fact that it was now in my past.  I was living with it and thought that I was at peace.  Due to some unforeseen circumstances in my near future,   I have come to a part on my journey where I need to make yet another important decision that will create change.  Initially all I could feel was anxiety, so much of my life the last few years has all been about unwelcome change. That terrified me and I know I did not take the time I should have to come to the decision I had, even though I know it is the right one.  I had been praying for guidance and for a specific resolution that did not come.   I questioned the reasons why I was still facing the outcome of my decision.  I often felt myself wanting to question my faith, unsure of the possible lesson God was trying to teach me.  Then with the help of a song that had gotten me through  many sleepless nights, I was reminded that my blessings may come from raindrops, my healing from tears, and if I stay strong, this too I will conquer, for this trial may be my mercy in disguise.  Laura Story, Blessings.   Listening to that song, and really thinking about its meaning, helped to ease my anxiety. It also gave me the chance to take a deep breath and surrender the situation to God.  I realized I could no longer control any outcome whether it be the one I wanted or not and lucky for me I was about to get many unplanned hours to really think about it.  Just like the caterpillar…

Just a few days after announcing my decision, I was struck down with the “nursing home flu”, which meant a 7 day quarantine.  The first few days I really didn’t spend much time in deep thought but as I began to feel better and wander around my place I had the opportunity to take some inventory.  I had found several files on my laptop that were left over from my divorce, notes I had written in times of sadness, and items from my marriage that I really didn’t  need to be holding onto.  I started to realize that I should use the downtime to fully surrender to the changes I had gone through, purge them and let myself go, in hopes that someday I can become the butterfly I am destined to be.

I spent many hours hitting the delete button, wiping the tears as I went along, feeling relief as the files were disappearing from my sight.  When I got too emotional and wanting to give up,  I tried to imagine myself as the caterpillar shedding a little bit of her fuzz as she transformed inside the chrysalis.   After a while I felt exhilarated.   I chose that moment to really sit and think about the decision I had made earlier in the week, making sure that it was truly something I could handle.  I came to the conclusion that YES I can handle it.  It may not be something that I hoped would happen or something that I planned for, in fact it’s quite the opposite.  Was my divorce something I planned or hoped for? No, but I have come out of it changed, transformed, re-born and strong!  This decision was no different and it will give me the same opportunities for growth.  I can see the progress I have made and I know I am stronger, because this change,  this place I will be going to, is the same spot where just a few years ago I became the strongest version of myself I had ever been.  you-are-free-to-fly_thumb

Today, after being locked up and alone for nearly a week I can say that I am strong enough to handle this new change and I can see good in it.  The positives far outweigh the negatives and with a little elbow grease, perseverance  love and determination, I will come out on top in the end.  Perhaps what is most important, is that with this surrender I no longer have the worry about making the initial decision in the first  place.  In surrendering, I have found peace.

If the caterpillar never surrendered and if there was no change, there would never be a butterfly.  Take the opportunity when it is thrown at you to wave your white flag, surrender to your feelings, doubts, fears and move forward on your journey with faith, hope and love.

Have you had your chance to surrender? Leave a comment.  (link is left of the post title)

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 2/11/13

Related Links/Blogs

I’ve Stood On The Edge Long Enough

Being Bel, The Art Of Surrender

Goddess In The Belly, Surrender