Tag: inspirational

All the kings horses…..

Published on by Kimberly Novak4 Comments

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put Humpty together again.”  But what would have happened if they could?

Did you know that Humpty Dumpty was a cannon that was destroyed in battle July 14th-15th in 1648.  (which happens to be one day after my birthday) The cannon fell and could not be placed back on the wall.  I know that doesn’t sound very interesting we would rather focus on the cute egg that we all know and love.  The history of the poem is not what I want to talk about anyway it is the fact that the poem is so short; I wonder what would have happened had he/it been placed back on the wall?

I often think about where I was when my divorce started.  I was pretty low but still seated upon the wall.  I was struggling with the fact that I didn’t know any other life than the one I had been living for the last 20 years and I was afraid to face learning how to adapt. When I married I had my “Happily Ever After”.  I was in my place, the fear of not knowing what the future holds has been very scary for me.   I’m assuming Humpty would have felt the same way. His place was on that wall and when he fell that was it, he was done.  Humpty wasn’t as lucky as I, his men could not put him back together again but with the love of my friends, family, peers, counselors, and my faith I have been re-assembled.

I had a casual conversation today at lunch with a friend (my mentor really) we were talking about the new relationships I have formed since my struggle first began.  I realized how lucky I am to have so many good people placed into my life right when I needed them the most.  I have strengthened relationships with family, I have made new friends and I have reunited again with some old ones as well.  At the end of our conversation I told her that I feel like I am being put back together again; and that’s when good old Humpty popped in to my mind.

I was focused on him all day and finally researched the meaning of the poem which is when I found out that he  was actually a cannon used during war.  Well you know that got my juices flowing.  I feel like I have been at war the last few years with everything I went through.  It wasn’t as ugly as some but it wasn’t a walk in the park either.  There was a moment though when I did feel like a prisoner of war and I was at my lowest.  I’m going to get brave and share that moment with you.  It was actually the day of the divorce.

The courtroom  held myself, my ex, our attorneys and the judge.  I felt very vulnerable and scared.  We had reached our agreements so I knew what the outcome would be but I still had fear coursing through my veins.  The doors closed and we listened as the judge spoke.  I cannot even remember what he said we were mostly answering yes or no questions.  After about three minutes (which felt like 30) what was happening sunk in.  I reached for my lawyers hand and held it tight.  This my friends is when I fell off the wall.  I hardly knew this person yet she knew everything about me and my marriage and I needed her to hold onto me as I fell.  My life as I knew it was about to end and I had no idea what the future would hold.  I crumbled, I cried, the judge asked if I needed a moment I signaled no, I wanted it to be over with.  Right now is the first time that I’ve recalled that moment since it happened. It brings tears to my eyes but it also shows me how much I have changed since that day.  I have re-invented myself and I have become a newer, stronger version of who I once was.  Even though I’m stronger, I will always need a hand to hold and I welcome that because I know it is through those hands, that I am being put back together.

Tonight I am standing as a victor in my war because I survived it.  I fell off that wall just as Humpty, yet here I am hoping to be able to inspire and motivate others to get back up when you fall.  Let your kings horses and kings men put YOU back together again!

So my friends I ask you, have you fallen?  and how did your support team put you back together again?

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/25/12

I’ve been VALIDATED!

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

It is a frustrating feeling when you are unsure about something that you think is truth but you  have not been able to achieve getting concrete proof.  I have had doubts about something that happened in the past.  The reason I doubted myself at all is because it was not something that was tangible.  I couldn’t see it therefore maybe it didn’t really happen. Well, I was not expecting to ever really learn if my truth was actual and I have finally been provided with the confirmation I was hoping for. I am happy to say that I can now let go of every bit of that doubt.

Here is where it get’s tricky.  The information I was hoping for is also something that was very upsetting to me and really hard to take.  Even though deep down I knew it was the truth, getting that confirmation was a scary feeling because of the pain it caused me for so many years as well as in that moment.  I am Excited to report that it was in fact only a “moment”.  As soon as I realized that I was heading towards those horrible feelings of pain and hurt is when I realized that it wasn’t pain I should be feeling, it was VALIDATION.  I had been suffering for so long with my own doubts wondering if what I thought was the truth really was and in this “moment” I was Blessed with the truth.  Therefore, I did not slide down the slope of pain and hurt instead I stood proud in knowing that I had been Validated. If this has taught me anything, it is that I will forever trust my instincts even if I do not have concrete proof.  The worst that can happen is that I may be wrong, it is nothing compared to having feelings of doubt.

Sometimes  it is hard for us to be tuned into seeing the signs of something that is happening directly in front of our faces.  There were a few signs that were thrown into my face for many years but for some reason I didn’t see them coming.  I was obviously looking in another direction, but if I had seen the signs would it really have mattered?  I believe the answer to that question is YES.  Allowing myself to see the signs may not have changed the outcome but instead may have made it easier to handle.  We know that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason that it took me so long to finally be able to know the whole truth.  
Maybe someday I”ll know what that reason is or maybe not.  For me today it does not matter what the reason is or was because along with the validation came acceptance.  Now that I have the truth I have something tangible and I can choose to accept what happened and move forward.

Recently, today actually, I was again Blessed by a HUGE sign about something else going on in my life that I had wondered about.  I know that the only reason I was able to see it is because of what I went through.  I am now able to see the signs whether they are big or small and I will always allow them to be present in my life.  I am grateful that I was able to accept what happened in the past and begin to move forward.

So my friends I’d like to ask you.  Have you ever had the privilege of seeing your signs or had the validation experience?  If so how has it changed you?

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/22/12

Be The CUP

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

Is your CUP 1/2 full or 1/2 empty?

We have all uttered that phrase on one or more occasion and I’m sure you have also been asked to answer it.  The rule is that if someone says their cup is half full they are a positive person and if someone says their cup is half empty they are a negative person.  Let’s think about the person who says ” I Am The Cup”.

I will be totally honest and tell you that during my time of trial I was the half empty girl.  I was constantly focused on the negative aspects of what I was going through never realizing that I am the cup and therefore I can control its contents.  In fact, I didn’t realize that until today.  The last few years have been full of negativity which I assumed was brought on by the situation when in fact I could have decided to handle that trial with a totally different outlook.

One of the reasons I developed this blog is because I don’t want others to be where I was when I went through my struggle.  I want to be able to reach out to others and tell them what I didn’t see until now.  I think being able to be in control of your feelings during your struggle and being the one to choose if your glass is half empty, half full or if in fact you can become the glass is HUGE!  I was so focused on the “bad” because I could not find good in my situation.  Had I taken a moment to realize that even though what I was going through was not what I wanted or chose, it was happening.  It was a fact of life I could not stop and I was the only one with the power to make the best of it.  

We all have the power to be the CUP.  We control the contents and we have the power to decide how we will react, how we will feel and how we will let it affect our lives.  When I realized this today I felt empowered!  I feel like I can make real changes in my life that will be beneficial to me and others around me.  I know things turned out the way they did for a reason, it was God’s plan, however I also know that had I used this knowledge two years ago my outlook on my new life would have been 100% better.  I would have been more confident in knowing that I made my choices because I was the one in control of what was in my CUP.

Take the time to reflect and ask yourself  “can you be the CUP”?  Once you decide you are the CUP, only you hold its contents.  Do not let what is going on in your life control what is in your cup.  Instead, control your reaction to what it is you are dealing with.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/17/12