Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within


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Live in the Present Moment


Life is defined by a series of “moments” and we experience them in three different stages past, present and future.  Sometimes we get caught up in the day-to-day activities and stress of life and we are not living like we should be.  Especially in times of a struggle we tend to focus on what we did wrong in our past or try to focus on how our future is going to be changed.  I for one have been there and it is now that I”m realizing I should have taken more time in the present moment when I was going through that difficult time.  The brunt of my struggle took almost two years and during that long period of time I was focused on the past and the future and ignoring the present.

Past:  There are obviously some good times to re-live the past like when looking through photographs or going over memories with loved ones.  You need to be able to know the difference between re-living the past and living in the past.  If you are living in the past it can cause negative effects.  For example at one point I found myself going over things in my head wondering how had I missed the signs?  I spent countless hours over the past few years trying to figure out where things had gone wrong.  Guess what?  It didn’t change the outcome, it didn’t change the fact that I was going through what I was going through.  All it did was cause me more stress and grief.  I should have been paying more attention to the way I was feeling in the present moment and just maybe my healing would have been a little bit easier had I chose to face it as it was happening instead of dwelling on the past.

Future:  We all have plans for our future and looking forward to and planning for them is very healthy and will be very beneficial.  However, being in a present moment of struggle and focusing on the unknowing of the future is a totally different scenario.  Toward the end of my divorce is when I was stuck in this mode.  As the final date drew closer it became very scary and upsetting for me.  For starter’s I had never lived alone my entire life and living away from my family was something I truly did not think I would be able to handle.    As I look back tonight I wish I had chosen not to worry about the future so much, it is a work in progress but is turning out to be ok.

Present:  The little bit of research I did on this subject says that people who live in the present are the happiest and extremely successful people live in the present moment.    My opinion is that it is hard to live in the present moment, however it is worth it! It is something I constantly have to remind myself to do, but when I do I am very happy and I am finding myself to be successful in my new job and my new surroundings.  I am living each day when I wake up not at 8pm the night before  or worrying about what the next day will hold.   When I am truly living in the present I feel like the little green guy in this picture.  Imagine how happy you would feel if you lived like that every day!

I cannot get back the time I spent dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, but I can spend my time day-to-day living in the present moment and experiencing life as it should be experienced.   Treasure every moment, feel the pain even when it is hard to do, feel the joy, share tears and all of the wonderful experiences that life has to offer.

Here are just a few tips on how I take the time to live in the present moment.  If I find I am slipping back to my painful past or worrying on what tomorrow holds I find a quiet place to sit and just do some breathing exercises.  Even if it’s just five minutes it brings me back to the present and the now.  There are several websites that offer lists and tips on being in the present moment I recommend any of those that speak of mindfulness.  Being mindful is something that if we practice daily becomes very easy and it’s just a matter of stopping to remind yourself that you are living for today not for yesterday or tomorrow.

Have you ever looked back on a time in your life when you wished you had lived in the present moment?  Please respond with your experience.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/30/12


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All the kings horses…..


“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put Humpty together again.”  But what would have happened if they could?

Did you know that Humpty Dumpty was a cannon that was destroyed in battle July 14th-15th in 1648.  (which happens to be one day after my birthday) The cannon fell and could not be placed back on the wall.  I know that doesn’t sound very interesting we would rather focus on the cute egg that we all know and love.  The history of the poem is not what I want to talk about anyway it is the fact that the poem is so short; I wonder what would have happened had he/it been placed back on the wall?

I often think about where I was when my divorce started.  I was pretty low but still seated upon the wall.  I was struggling with the fact that I didn’t know any other life than the one I had been living for the last 20 years and I was afraid to face learning how to adapt. When I married I had my “Happily Ever After”.  I was in my place, the fear of not knowing what the future holds has been very scary for me.   I’m assuming Humpty would have felt the same way. His place was on that wall and when he fell that was it, he was done.  Humpty wasn’t as lucky as I, his men could not put him back together again but with the love of my friends, family, peers, counselors, and my faith I have been re-assembled.

I had a casual conversation today at lunch with a friend (my mentor really) we were talking about the new relationships I have formed since my struggle first began.  I realized how lucky I am to have so many good people placed into my life right when I needed them the most.  I have strengthened relationships with family, I have made new friends and I have reunited again with some old ones as well.  At the end of our conversation I told her that I feel like I am being put back together again; and that’s when good old Humpty popped in to my mind.

I was focused on him all day and finally researched the meaning of the poem which is when I found out that he  was actually a cannon used during war.  Well you know that got my juices flowing.  I feel like I have been at war the last few years with everything I went through.  It wasn’t as ugly as some but it wasn’t a walk in the park either.  There was a moment though when I did feel like a prisoner of war and I was at my lowest.  I’m going to get brave and share that moment with you.  It was actually the day of the divorce.

The courtroom  held myself, my ex, our attorneys and the judge.  I felt very vulnerable and scared.  We had reached our agreements so I knew what the outcome would be but I still had fear coursing through my veins.  The doors closed and we listened as the judge spoke.  I cannot even remember what he said we were mostly answering yes or no questions.  After about three minutes (which felt like 30) what was happening sunk in.  I reached for my lawyers hand and held it tight.  This my friends is when I fell off the wall.  I hardly knew this person yet she knew everything about me and my marriage and I needed her to hold onto me as I fell.  My life as I knew it was about to end and I had no idea what the future would hold.  I crumbled, I cried, the judge asked if I needed a moment I signaled no, I wanted it to be over with.  Right now is the first time that I’ve recalled that moment since it happened. It brings tears to my eyes but it also shows me how much I have changed since that day.  I have re-invented myself and I have become a newer, stronger version of who I once was.  Even though I’m stronger, I will always need a hand to hold and I welcome that because I know it is through those hands, that I am being put back together.

Tonight I am standing as a victor in my war because I survived it.  I fell off that wall just as Humpty, yet here I am hoping to be able to inspire and motivate others to get back up when you fall.  Let your kings horses and kings men put YOU back together again!

So my friends I ask you, have you fallen?  and how did your support team put you back together again?

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/25/12