The….TICK…TICK…TICK……of the Clock.


timer-digital-clockNO! That is not my biological clock ticking, it is the constant pounding sound of the love clock which is buried deep within me somewhere.  Sometimes it is extremely loud and other times I can’t even hear it, but I know it is there, I’m just not so sure if I should be watching it or just let time run its course.

TICK….TICK….TICK…annoying isn’t it?

I am CERTAINLY not an expert on relationships and I hope that I never will be, life without that mystery would be really boring!  I watched a movie last night called the Timer, and it really got me thinking….sometimes good, sometimes not so good….but I decided to keep that thinking going and after a while it kind of made some sense.  My last post talked about finding our soul mate, is it possible?  Perhaps….Can we be patient?  Most of us would say no…we want to know right now if we have found that ONE.

The timer in the movie is a clock that was implanted in the arms of someone over the age of 14.  They all started with a zeroed out clock, at some point the clock starts working and gives you a count down of when you will meet your soul mate.  When two souls that are meant for each other meet, their clocks simultaneously zero out again,  Most people succumb to the pressure of needing that clock, constantly watching it to see when and where they will meet the love of their lives, while other’s protest it and only look for those who are timer-less. Some even go as far as having it removed because they can’t handle the fact it has been zero for so long and they are sure they don’t have a soul mate out there.

At first I found the movie a bit off the wall, but it started to feel so real to me after a while.  There was a period of time when the lead thought she had found her soul  mate in a timer-free man even though he had not started the count down on hers, but it didn’t stop her from just living in the moment all the while thinking she was falling in love with him.

She thought she was happy and went to have her timer removed believing she had met her soul mate and that the timers were a farce.  Just as they were reaching out for her arm to do the removal her clock started counting down.  Now she was faced with a choice…..ignore it and stay happy with whom she had found, or have faith in the clock and wait it out for her ONE to find her.  THAT was  the moment it all became real for me!

So many people go through there lives knowing that they have their one and only, I was pretty sure I had in my ex, but then there are those who continue to wander aimlessly looking, hoping, praying, and unfortunately settling.  Not to say that settling is all that bad, as I learned in the movie she was pretty darn happy with the timer-less love, but her soul wasn’t, and the sound of that inner clock beating on her heart was a constant reminder that she needed to wait out her clock.

Happy ending of course, as the two soul mates came together their eyes locked and both timer’s zeroed out, however it was a movie.  So can this really happen, not having timer’s shoved into our arms, but can we really meet the one whom we are destined to be with and when we do will we KNOW we have found them?  fuse

I am feeling mighty faithful this morning and I am more than ready to go ahead and keep listening to my inner timer even though at times that clicking sound may seem like nails on a chalkboard, it will stop someday and then I’LL know.  My fuse is lit and I will not douse it on my own, I will wait when the time is right it will put itself out.

Do not give up my fellow singles, that someone is out there listening to their clock and when the time is right you will both zero out together.

Can you hear your clock? Will you have the patience to wait for the real deal?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

2/15/15

Related links/posts

One, Ed Sheeran

True Love, My Thoughts, My World, My Blog

Settling, Life After HerAffairs

Proud Moments


proud_of_myself_by_edwmix-d2ymmn3Even though you are looking at the title of this post, I am sitting here tonight really unsure of what I want it to be.  That is very rare as my posts are created from the topic.  I’m trying to determine if I made a step forward tonight or if I merely  reminded myself of a past hurt.  Let me set the scene for you and then maybe a title will pop into my head.

 

After working a long day and feeling very tired I ventured out to a high school sporting event with my hair in a messy pony, wearing mom jeans, and tennis shoes.  I really didn’t feel I had anyone to impress so primping before an 8 pm game on a Wednesday night would’ve been just more work for me at this point.

We all know that every divorced relationship is different, some people come out of it still friends, others are OK with saying hello and goodbye and the rest have no communication at all.  Mine for the most part has been the latter.  Until tonight.  Shortly after arriving I found myself in a very civil conversation with he, she and my son.  I do believe that this is the very first time I have spoken to him with my kids around since the divorce happened.  At the time I was not really aware of my emotional state.  I can tell you that I was not shaking; my voice did not seem to be trembling; and I don’t think I broke out in hives, which is a normal stress response for me.   The conversation lasted about 15 minutes and actually it felt a lot shorter to me, but maybe that is because I was in such a shock that it was actually happening.

There was laughing; no dirty looks; and I even made eye contact.  When our little chat ended,  I headed off to my seat  in a daze.  It took me a minute to let it all soak in and that’s when the flood gates opened.  I sat there in awe that I was able to converse with him and really have a conversation.  At no time during the talking did I think in my head that I needed to get out of there, which is something I would’ve done in the past.

My initial reaction was that I had just climbed a very big mountain and I didn’t fall off.  After checking myself for hives I felt proud, but then I remembered  I looked like crap!  Had I known that was going to take place I may have brushed my hair or at least put on non-mom jeans.

Once I realized that I had survived that moment the tears were almost uncontrollable  and that’s when the hurt wanted to creep back in. My brain wanted to recall painful memories and it was all I could do to not let myself go there.  That’s when I started to become confused.  and had to ask myself was this was a good thing or a bad thing.  Yes I made a very good accomplishment tonight, but is it always going to bring up those memories?

I felt like a fool crying and I hoped that they did not see that happening.  I know circumstances like this will come up again and again, there is no avoiding them.  Learning how to cope and trying not to let those flashes of the past interfere with my proud moments will be the challenge.  blue butterfly

As of now I’m glad it happened, I know that I am getting stronger that is for sure!  And HEY!!! Look up one line there is my title!↑

Maybe, just maybe I took a step tonight towards my first flight from the chrysalis.

Do you have a similar story? Or comment?  Please share

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

12/3/14

 

 

Looking Ahead With Hope


Today summer ends and a new season begins to take shape, some of us are ready, some are not.  Looking up at the darker fall clouds I am reminded of how sometimes changing seasons in our lives can be just as cold and dark as changing weather.

There was a comment left on yesterday’s post Imagine Your Change that spurred the energy for this post.  It spoke about finding the joy in moving on and how sometimes that can be extremely difficult.  There were several times in the last four years that I tried to or thought I had actually moved on from what had happened to me and that I was going to be able to put it behind me and be happy.  I’m sure I even had a few posts that reflected those feelings at the time, but the reality is I may never actually totally put it behind me.   My marriage was half of my life, and it included many pivotal and defining moments that has helped to make me who I am.  I also know that in order to put some of that pain aside and heal from it there has to be forgiveness in your heart, not just on your lips.

Finding peace in your grief can be done but will actually be something that you have to practice, pray on, and really want.  I have found that all the negative thoughts and moments of heavy sadness and grief were not very productive, but the nights where I started to look ahead and focus on positive changes in my life brought some comfort.  So how do we forgive?  That’s a question only you can answer.  It will depend on how open your mind is and how ready you are to move forward and most important is to remember that forgiving doesn’t mean we forget, it means we simply acknowledge where we are in our life now and accept the challenge of this next life transition.  Not every transition in our lives will be what we want, all we can do is deal with it the best way we know how.hope

So find something that gives you joy, for me it’s Butterflies of course and hold it close to your heart.  When you find you are having a bad day or just need something to get you through a difficult moment cling to it, focus on it and let that person, object, scent, place, or insect guide you on your path for that day and your new tomorrow.

Can you welcome your season change and look ahead with hope?  Please comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

9/22/14

Related links/blogs

Hope In Front Of Me

Hurricane

I”m About To Rebuild You

Rest Stop….autumn is finally here