Ok, here goes nothing! Those were my thoughts this afternoon as she headed to my way. At first I thought I was dreaming.
Sitting in my car in the driveway of what was once my marital home to pick up the kids and I saw her through the window. I froze at first not sure how to handle this. The last time we said one word to each other it was….well, actually it was very civilized. But that’s a story for my next book. Anyway, there I was not knowing what I should do and the little voice inside me said, “Kimberly, open the window and keep your hands safely on the wheel, make sure your foot is off the gas and the car is in park”. Any unintentional accident needed to be avoided.
She had a reasonable question concerning one of my kids . I knew I had to answer, I took in a breath and answered as cool and calmly as I could making sure I had a nice friendly smile on my face. I was having an exceptionally good hair day, was dressed for a family party so I think I was looking pretty darn good. With a small but noticeable flip of my freshly styled summer blonde hair I gave her the answer she was looking for. We continued to chat as if we were the best of friends, (not really but a stranger would not have known any different) and I’m sure her stomach was churning just as much as mine was.
While departing the driveway I had a feeling of liberation. It was like in that short maybe three-minute conversation something in me changed. I had survived that meeting and very glad that I had been seated safely in my car, because if I had been standing and actually felt my quivering legs it would have been a totally different experience.
What I have learned from today is that maybe I am actually healing as far as my feelings for her are concerned. Three years ago I would not have been able to look her in the eyes and carry on a polite conversation. Today I over came that! I faced my fear took off the gloves that were holding on to the uncertainty, pain, and bitterness and in that moment I set them aside. Will they always be off? Well only time will tell I suppose.
I drove off with all my kids in tow with a feeling of happiness that has been a long time coming. I felt as if I had just climbed the highest mountain, stuck my flag in the ground, held my arms up to the sky and smiled in the sunlight.
What I want to share with you through all of this is that healing can occur when you LEAST expect it. And my friends, for me that experience was amazing! Keep your eyes and ears open for your moment, don’t worry about when it will happen or if it will happen, like I said this one came out of nowhere for me. Just try not to run from it. Suppress the initial flight reaction. (I wont’ lie it was there for me but I’m no race car driver, so burning rubber out of the driveway would have been way too obvious.) Take control of the moment when you are facing it and enjoy its reward!
Has anyone else experienced a liberating healing moment? Please share.
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
7/6/14
Since my last post dealt with realizing the amount of physical pain that can come along with stress, I had better follow-up with talking about the stillness that can come following acceptance.
“You can’t fast forward something that hasn’t happened yet, pause press and enjoy the moment”. I wrote that quote at the beginning of this week and have been staring at it since then. Some days it made me feel stuck, other’s it helped me to just enjoy the day without worrying about the next. Tonight it finds me sad and excited at the same time.
Out of the Chrysalis 