Tag: getting on with life

Be The CUP

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

Is your CUP 1/2 full or 1/2 empty?

We have all uttered that phrase on one or more occasion and I’m sure you have also been asked to answer it.  The rule is that if someone says their cup is half full they are a positive person and if someone says their cup is half empty they are a negative person.  Let’s think about the person who says ” I Am The Cup”.

I will be totally honest and tell you that during my time of trial I was the half empty girl.  I was constantly focused on the negative aspects of what I was going through never realizing that I am the cup and therefore I can control its contents.  In fact, I didn’t realize that until today.  The last few years have been full of negativity which I assumed was brought on by the situation when in fact I could have decided to handle that trial with a totally different outlook.

One of the reasons I developed this blog is because I don’t want others to be where I was when I went through my struggle.  I want to be able to reach out to others and tell them what I didn’t see until now.  I think being able to be in control of your feelings during your struggle and being the one to choose if your glass is half empty, half full or if in fact you can become the glass is HUGE!  I was so focused on the “bad” because I could not find good in my situation.  Had I taken a moment to realize that even though what I was going through was not what I wanted or chose, it was happening.  It was a fact of life I could not stop and I was the only one with the power to make the best of it.  

We all have the power to be the CUP.  We control the contents and we have the power to decide how we will react, how we will feel and how we will let it affect our lives.  When I realized this today I felt empowered!  I feel like I can make real changes in my life that will be beneficial to me and others around me.  I know things turned out the way they did for a reason, it was God’s plan, however I also know that had I used this knowledge two years ago my outlook on my new life would have been 100% better.  I would have been more confident in knowing that I made my choices because I was the one in control of what was in my CUP.

Take the time to reflect and ask yourself  “can you be the CUP”?  Once you decide you are the CUP, only you hold its contents.  Do not let what is going on in your life control what is in your cup.  Instead, control your reaction to what it is you are dealing with.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/17/12

X Marks The Spot

Published on by Kimberly Novak4 Comments

We’ve all heard the phrase “buyer’s remorse”.    It is described as a feeling one get’s shortly after a large purchase is made.  A feeling comes over you and you begin to second guess your decision.    I haven’t made a large purchase lately but I did make a big decision that gave me that same type of feeling.  I felt relieved, satisfied and  happy.  I had no regrets I knew I was doing what I needed to do for ME; which is something that I usually do not do.  Up until this point in my life  I’ve always considered other’s before considering what I need.  So for the first time in my life I made this decision based on what Kimberly needs.

When I divorced I moved from my family home into an adorable little condo.    I knew being in something smaller would be a perfect backdrop for getting used my new life.  It has proved to be true.  The surroundings are beautiful, the amenities are perfect for me and the location could not be better.   Recently it came time to decide where to “plant my feet”.  At this point  I don’t feel that I am ready to make a major life changing decision like that.  I am still growing into this newer version of myself as well as healing and I  do not know where it is going to lead me.  My mind and body need to take some time away from more stress and we all know how stressful moving can be.  So what’s the problem?  Well the only issue is the size of my cute little space.  This is where my decision got difficult and I had mixed emotions over choosing a bigger place for my family when they are with me, or making the decision based on only my needs.  My mom hormones were quickly out numbering Kimberly’s and for a while I was convinced I had to move.  If I were to describe how I was feeling when I realized that this decision needed to be made solely on what I needed  some of the words would be:  heartbroken, confused, nervous, sad, anxious.  It was painful for me to make a decision only for what I wanted, so I had to make the decision based on what I needed in order to continue healing, growing and making a positive transition in my life.

I know that if I am going to continue on a positive path  I cannot keep putting additional stress on top of what is already there.  I need to make sure that I am content, happy, and somewhat stress free in order to make a healthy progression in my healing.  Therefore  as hard as it was to do,  I made a decision for ME this time.

The weather was beautiful yesterday and I decided to take a walk around my complex and in doing so I was looking around and again second guessing my decision.  I was trying to put the negative thoughts about it out of my head when a song called Blue Sky came on my I pod.  Hearing those words immediately forced me to look up and to my surprise…in the big blue sky…. was an X!  I stopped in my tracks and just smiled and said “X marks the spot”.   This was my relief that I have made the right decision; and it was a wonderful sight to see.  I know that I am right where I am supposed to be in my journey and I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to remain in a place where I can be happy, confident and content.  I’m sure we will have a few adjustments to make but what is most important is that the surroundings and the situation make it possible for continued healing and positive transition for all of us.

Wherever you are in your journey do not second guess your decisions.  I am learning that the ones that are the hardest to make usually are the ones that will make a positive effect on your life.

here is a link to the song Blue Sky http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUUTDcIvC9o&feature=fvst

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/14/12

Unguarded Heart

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

Protecting  someone or something is a natural instinct.  We’ve all been in a situation where we needed to protect a friend, child, or family member and we’ve even seen footage of wild animals protecting their young.  So if we have this natural instinct to protect then why is it so hard to know whether or not we should be protecting or guarding our hearts?

What is the heart? If you look it up in Google, it is referred to as the following:

1.  A hollow pump-like organ

2. The center of the total personality

3. The center of emotion

4.  Capacity for feeling.

I’m sure I”m not the only one to notice that the very first definition that comes up on any search engine is “a hollow pump-like organ”.  Most of us believe that this is the place where we store emotion, joy, sadness, any feeling we can possibly feel.  When in reality those feelings technically come from our brains.  If  you stop to think about it though something has to send the signal to our brain in order for us to have those feelings.  I like to think the heart is the culprit.    I had a hard time accepting that the heart started out as a hollow organ.  There had to be some sort of emotion or feeling stored in there at the moment of birth.  Then I looked at the other definitions and they made more sense to me.   I would much rather believe that when we are born our heart is filled with the capacity to feel and as we grow we use that capacity and center to develop our personalities.

If you look into the eyes of a newborn baby you can see the love in their hearts and as they grow their personality develops.  Based on this principle I disagree with the first definition of the hollow organ.  Yes I know medically speaking the organ is described that way because it does not contain anything, it is just a vessel.  Well, non-medically speaking it contains a hell of a lot!

We hold everything in our hearts and what is in our heart determines how we live our lives.  It doesn’t matter what we are suffering from if we hold that  in  it will continue to have a negative effect on our lives.  It’s not easy to let things go and move on but it is so important for our well-being not to hold onto the pain.  I”m not healed 100% just yet but, I have noticed that the days I can say I’m ok with everything are so much more productive in my life.  I’ve had to do a “clean sweep” of my heart on many occasions over the past couple of years but it was always necessary.  By “clean sweep” I mean taking the time to think and focus on how that pain was affecting my daily life.  I found that by keeping the painful feelings so close it was only going to bring me down and I would never move forward.  I still have some days where it tries to creep back in and those are the days I stand up and fight!
Our hearts will also hold happiness and there is a lot of room in there for that!  We start out in life full of happiness and somewhere along the road things happen and  that space can be taken up by grief, sadness and sorrow.  Any type of  loss can destroy the heart no matter what the circumstances are and having the courage to put yourself out there again is terrifying.  No one who has been through those feelings want to go through them again and many of us decide to close off the heart and not take the risk.  I wonder though, are we doing more damage by being so guarded?  Some of you know that I made the choice recently to go in unguarded and no matter how it ends up, I will never regret letting my heart feel again.   Each day that I spend with an unguarded heart I am the happiest.  The days that I choose to be protective of it is was when the fear and uncertainty creep back in.  I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m not a fan of feeling fearful or uncertain.  I spent too many years that way and it’s time now to choose not to let my heart fill up with those feelings.


We all have heard the phrase “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”.  I truly believe that;  no matter how much pain or suffering I went through with my divorce.   The beauty behind that phrase is that  it applies to anyone you have loved.  Be it a friendship that didn’t last, a romantic relationship or the passing of a loved one it is all the same.I will continue to be somewhat protective of my “feelings” which are controlled by my brain, rather than being over protective of what I am allowing to pass through my heart.  I know that it has a lot of room, I”m hoping most of that will be for happiness but I also know that there will also be some pain that has to pass through it again as well.  The good thing is I’m ok with that because I have already proven to myself that I can survive the pain that passes through my heart what’s important is that I allow that to happen.  In order to survive it you have to let it pass through, do not choose to hold it in.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/9/12