Tag: getting on with life

When Life Weighs You Down…

Published on by Kimberly Novak12 Comments

A friend of mine sent me this picture saying it could be the beginning of a great blog post. I was not only honored that she was thinking I could write a great post, the timing of it was perfect. This week I have had something very heavy that I’ve been carrying around with me since the divorce.  I’ve been patiently waiting for the matter to be resolved and it’s just not happening. This message from my friend came at a time when I really needed it.

When I first looked at the picture I was surprised because I was not focused on the butterfly, I only saw the rock.  I could relate more with it than I could the butterfly.  I have to admit that freaked me out! When I look at the rock I see the pressures that have been building up.  I see my worry attached to the rope.  I wondered, what will it take to clip that rope and set the butterfly free?  Then I thought, what will it take to set me free?

Long story short there have been circumstances out of my control that are causing this matter not to be resolved, yet I am the one carrying the weight.  I have tried countless times to let it go.  I even have placed it in my worry box; when I have something I need to let go and let God, I write it on a slip of paper and lock it up inside.  I’ve had this matter in the box since December 2010.  Even when the circumstances were good for this particular matter, I still had some distress.

As I was dealing with the events of the week I kept thinking back to the picture.  I wondered, what do I need to do in order to cut my rope on this particular circumstance?  What do I need to do to release myself from this strain so that I am free to move forward?  I also questioned, is it time to sever the tie, or do I still have things to take care of before I can do that?

The only reasonable answer to those questions is that I will control what I can, and try to better the situation.  With the hope, that once I do, my bond will be broken and I will be set free.  I decided since it’s been over a year I better write it down again, as a reminder that some things I cannot control.    After doing so, it is a little easier to see the butterfly.  I can also see where the string is tied.  It looks like all it needs is a little tug and the burden will be released.

So my friends I ask you, what is weighing you down and what will it take before you can tug?  I’d love for you to share, leave a comment and begin to set yourself free.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly,

6/13/12

On a side note, I’d like to dedicate this post to my Women’s Renewal Team.  Joy & New Hope 2012.

 

Final…such a scary word

Published on by Kimberly Novak1 Comment

The word final can mean so many different things depending on the situation.  Many times it comes about in a positive situation like taking your final exam’s, which signifies the completion of a long-term school goal, or finally achieving something you’ve been working a long time on.  Then there are other times when final can be negative as in a relationship coming to an end or the end of something you’ve been enjoying like a television series.  No matter if it’s a positive or a negative the word still has the same meaning…to come to an end.

Today, I’m taking a very big step and it has me scared to death.  I have made it a point to be open and honest since I started this blog and today is no different. I don’t want to only focus on the loss of a marriage so I will remind others that this post as well as my other’s are meant for those dealing with any type of loss. Loss of anything is hard just think back to when we were kids and how we responded when we lost something.  Even as simple as losing our homework or the dollar we had in our pocket, it freaked us out!  It doesn’t matter what it is that we are losing the act of losing anything can be devastating.

I’ve been dealing with the loss of my marriage, my home and living with my kids, along with the identity I had while in my marriage.  I’ve had to make a lot of changes and I’ve lost some friends we shared along the way, but none of that compares to how I am feeling as I make my final step to moving forward. Some may see it as a silly formality given the circumstances, but it is freaking me out.

I’ll just go ahead and say it… I’m beginning my annulment process tomorrow.  Well, hopefully it will be granted to me to proceed with the process.  I”ve been putting it off for some time now; I needed to make sure I was ready to deal with the fact that once this happen’s  that chapter of my life will truly be closed.  Again, I know how silly that sounds, as my ex has officially moved on, I on the other hand need this to continue my journey towards being fully healed.

So what freaks me out? The word final.  Once the annulment is complete that will be it, my marriage will be null and void.   Silly, I know since the divorce pretty much does the same thing, just not in the eyes of the church; for me that’s a big thing.  Aside from that it is still the last and final procedure I will go through with my marriage and it leaves me feeling somewhat sad. I”ve come to terms with the fact that I need to make friends with this very scary word and tomorrow I will be doing just that.

I hope that I can inspire anyone else who may be dealing with making any type of final decision.  If I can offer anything it would be to say that you need to make your decisions in your own time and on your terms.
  You will know when you are ready to move forward and if you look deep within yourself you will find the courage that you need to keep moving forward.

I”d love to hear stories from my you, please feel free to share how you worked out something final in your life.  Respond below in the comments section.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 6/1/12

Temporarily Crippled

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

In a sense for the moment I’m temporarily crippled with my low back being out of whack.   I am limited to what I can do without pain, however part of my treatment plan is to continue with as much activity as I can tolerate.  I am finding it very unpleasant to move around and do my daily activities  and in doing so it has reminded me of how hard it was for me to deal with day-to-day life when I was going through my divorce.    Can our hearts be temporarily crippled as well as our bodies?

After suffering loss of a relationship, marriage or the person we love it is very hard to be open to letting ourselves ever feel that way again.  I belive that just like our bodies, our hearts can also become temporarily crippled. Just like with my back I have good days and bad days when it comes to matter’s of the heart.   I like to think that I am making progress.  I am learning how to develop new relationships and I am enjoying maintaining the treatment plan that will eventually lead to a fully mended heart.  It was not easy to let someone into that fragile space but I know that it is important to allow activity to continue if I am going to continue to heal.

I”m not alone when I say that my number one fear is becoming completely healed only to be knocked down again.  It’s no different with my back.  I need to do my daily activities in order for the spasms to subside but doing the activities sometimes aggravate the spasms.  This situation forces me to make a choice.  If I want to begin to feel better I have to follow this treatment plan and hope that I have more good days than bad.  It’s the same for our hearts.  We need to choose to allow the healing to begin.  Yes we will still have days of sadness or fear but  getting through those days is where the healing is taking place.

Our hearts are the center of our happiness and in order to be truly happy in all that we do, not just our relationships but in our daily lives as well,  healing needs to begin.  If you are having difficulty with matter’s of the heart since your struggle, take some time to reflect on what you think your treatment plan should be.  It could be as simple as keeping a journal, quiet time for yourself, praying, or even talking with someone.

It’s important to know that where you are now is temporary and when you are willing, ready, and able you will begin to heal and you will find happiness in all aspects of your life.   Love is a gift, and when we can accept it and let it back into our lives we are truly Blessed.

Do you have a treatment plan that has  worked for you in matter’s of the heart?  Please share in the comments section.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

5/14/12