Final…such a scary word

The word final can mean so many different things depending on the situation.  Many times it comes about in a positive situation like taking your final exam’s, which signifies the completion of a long-term school goal, or finally achieving something you’ve been working a long time on.  Then there are other times when final can be negative as in a relationship coming to an end or the end of something you’ve been enjoying like a television series.  No matter if it’s a positive or a negative the word still has the same meaning…to come to an end.

Today, I’m taking a very big step and it has me scared to death.  I have made it a point to be open and honest since I started this blog and today is no different. I don’t want to only focus on the loss of a marriage so I will remind others that this post as well as my other’s are meant for those dealing with any type of loss. Loss of anything is hard just think back to when we were kids and how we responded when we lost something.  Even as simple as losing our homework or the dollar we had in our pocket, it freaked us out!  It doesn’t matter what it is that we are losing the act of losing anything can be devastating.

I’ve been dealing with the loss of my marriage, my home and living with my kids, along with the identity I had while in my marriage.  I’ve had to make a lot of changes and I’ve lost some friends we shared along the way, but none of that compares to how I am feeling as I make my final step to moving forward. Some may see it as a silly formality given the circumstances, but it is freaking me out.

I’ll just go ahead and say it… I’m beginning my annulment process tomorrow.  Well, hopefully it will be granted to me to proceed with the process.  I”ve been putting it off for some time now; I needed to make sure I was ready to deal with the fact that once this happen’s  that chapter of my life will truly be closed.  Again, I know how silly that sounds, as my ex has officially moved on, I on the other hand need this to continue my journey towards being fully healed.

So what freaks me out? The word final.  Once the annulment is complete that will be it, my marriage will be null and void.   Silly, I know since the divorce pretty much does the same thing, just not in the eyes of the church; for me that’s a big thing.  Aside from that it is still the last and final procedure I will go through with my marriage and it leaves me feeling somewhat sad. I”ve come to terms with the fact that I need to make friends with this very scary word and tomorrow I will be doing just that.

I hope that I can inspire anyone else who may be dealing with making any type of final decision.  If I can offer anything it would be to say that you need to make your decisions in your own time and on your terms.
  You will know when you are ready to move forward and if you look deep within yourself you will find the courage that you need to keep moving forward.

I”d love to hear stories from my you, please feel free to share how you worked out something final in your life.  Respond below in the comments section.


Courageous Butterfly 6/1/12

One thought on “Final…such a scary word

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