Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within


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Dating Ugh’s!!


One day in 1984 I wrote this:

FullSizeRender (8)Dear Mom and Dad,

I have a very important question to ask you.  I”m not saying that I was, but if a guy asked me out to the show or to the mall or something like that on a weekend, would you let me go?  What I’m trying to say is I think I am old enough for you to be able to trust me with a guy.  It’s not like I’ll stay out all night.  I just think I am old enough to go out to a show or a dance with a guy, and I know I would probably have to meet him there or something cause I know you wouldn’t let him drive me.  Plus I only want to go out with a guy in the 9th or 10th grade and they can’t drive.  Do you understand what I’m trying to say?  I hope so.  Please think about it ok?

(and now here the truth comes out)

You see there is the kid he is in 10th grade and he is 15.  Well, he likes me and I like him and he asked me if I’d go out with him sometime.  I told him I didn’t know.  (I knew I would have to talk to you about it first before I gave him an answer)  He is real nice and is good in school and he is in choir too.

Well, just do me a favor and PLEASE think about it.  PLEASE!!!!!!

Gotta Go Love,

Kim

OK, so the reason I am sharing this comical note is because I kind of wish I could do that again now!  However, at the age of 45 I think my parent’s would finally commit me.  On the other hand, my mom may actually enjoy it!  LOL

Kidding aside, if you have ventured out into the dating world following divorce, then you know just how hard it can be.  I was very blessed to be in a relationship for 6 months with a wonderful man.  One day I was told by a friend that  I was being hypocritical of my post that said I would never settle. (click here to read)

I found myself being very comfortable in the relationship and no matter what, during those months I was genuinely happy.  What I wasn’t seeing was that my happiness was based on the fact that I had someone in my life, not necessarily that he was right for me.

Do I have regrets? No way!! I made a new friend and at the same time I learned a lot about myself.  I learned what I will accept in a relationship and what I absolutely will not!  I really got to know myself while I was busy trying to get to know him.  It really surprised me how much I grew while I was dating him.  I also see now what I lost, things I stopped doing that I never should have and I am very excited to do those things again

The lesson I learned, is no matter who I am dating, I should NEVER let go of who I am.  I should CONTINUE to do the things that I want to do!!  Hopefully someday I’ll find someone who also shares in those same things.

So back to the note written to mom and dad.  What can I take from that now reading it 31 years later?  Well, if I”m being honest the qualities of the guy that I pointed out to my parents were what I thought they would approve of.  So the real question here is: What do I approve of?

Have you had similar experiences in dating following a divorce?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

8/30/15

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