Tag: divorce

Soul Mates?

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

caterpillarbutterlfy I want to start off with a question…why are so many of us consumed with finding our “soul mate”?

I have only been divorced for four years which to some may seem like a really long time but to those of us who have been living it, it seems like just yesterday we were in the court room making the final arrangements.  It is hard enough to deal with the reasons for why your marriage or relationship has ended but then pile on top of that looking for someone new, as far as I’m concerned that is a recipe for an atomic bomb!

If we ask Google what a soul mate is Wikipedia says this:  A soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity.    Simple enough, but psych central says:  “A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake,” author Elizabeth Gilbert said. “But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.”

Then there are the energy feeling resources that say : “Soul mate” is sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility. Soul mates can have various types of relationships, which do not always include romantic love. They can be close friends, co-workers, a teacher, anyone who influences your life one way or another. They play the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental, games of third dimension with you. They can affect relationships in a positive or negative way depending on the emotional issues of the people concerned.

And last but not least Google Images (image copyright of google images).  soul mates

So how do you know?  I was tucked snugly into bed when this post jumped out of my brain and started to take shape on this page.  There is something to this that I need to get to the bottom of and I need your help!

Here we are, all suffering from a loss and we are trying so hard to move on.  Whether it be divorce, death, or separation we are all in this together.  The definitions that I cited are confusing to me how can the most important person you will ever meet not be meant for forever?  Or how can your soul mate not include romantic love?  I always understood the definition of soul mates to mean life long partner, which you would think would mean in all aspects of your life and not in a negative way.

So does this mean when we meet our “soul mate” and choose to or are forced to let them go then we are moving on to our next dimension?    But the bigger question is can one person have more thane one soul mate?    So I googled it and there is a lot!  Here is just one quote: “The bond shared with each soul mate is truly exceptional. Humans are the most complex beings, and each soul mate complements a different aspect of us. We find comfort in having someone who can understand and relate to us. ”

I also found that a “soul mate” can be someone communicating to you from other life times, so maybe its the people in my dreams.

Here’s what I’m thinking…. there is no real answer until you know it when you have it.

For some of us grieving our loss we had it and it is now gone, according to google and other research options it is possible that you will find it again or maybe it’s been there all along and you just didn’t know it, in which case, just hang out, sit tight and let God or the Universe do it’s thing!  As far as I’m concerned, I”m pretty sure the caterpillar wasn’t concerned with finding a “soul mate” while making its transformation to a butterfly, because it was it’s own and to me that is a blessing!

I’d welcome your thoughts.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 1/27/15

The truth about soul mates

Definition of soul mate

 

Learning how to listen

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011
a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011

I can remember when I was little and my mom or dad would always ask in an angry tone “don’t you listen?” or “why aren’t you listening to me?” Well I’ve been asking myself that exact question for the last few years.  My divorce recovery has not always gone the best, there have been good and bad days but for the most part I can say I am proud of where I am right now.  Except for just one thing…I still do not know how to listen.

I am referring to listening to my inner self, thoughts, questions and fears.  During these last few years I have found much difficulty in trusting myself to make decisions even the simple ones.  I have sought out advice from everyone I am in contact with on pretty much all aspects of my life and I still find myself in limbo.  I have heard over and over again what a patient woman I am yet I cannot seem to find the patience within my own being.

When I counseled last she recommended to me that there really wasn’t a need for me to come back, that took me by surprise and kind of upset me.  Then she asked what I had hoped to gain from our sessions and I couldn’t answer.  Why was I really there?  She said that it looks to her like I am feeling stuck.  I quickly agreed.  At this point in my life I had hoped that I would be on a clear path yet I am still trudging through some mud and jumping over puddles.

Today, I watched Soul Surfer, it is a VERY inspirational movie about a young girl who loses her arm in a shark attack.  This young person overcame every obstacle set in her way and she realized her dream of becoming a professional surfer.  There was one scene in the movie that caught my attention along with my heart.  I think it fits almost every situation that deals with loss and the message I took from it is that you just have to be patient and listen.

I am going to try my best to focus every day on just listening to my body, mind, and heart and then live my day accordingly.  At the same time making sure that what I am doing is guiding me towards my future, whatever that may be.  The lines below are from the scene I referenced.  You can also click here to view the clip.

If you can offer suggestions on learning to listen to your inner self please share!!! I would love to hear what you have to say!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

 

Bethany Hamilton:

Go ahead, tell me how everything’s going to be okay.

Tom Hamilton:

Yea that’s me Mr. jump-right-in-and-fix-it, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut for once.

Bethany Hamilton:

I’m done, aren’t I? I can’t even paddle out to the line up passed the big waves. I don’t understand, what happened to… I can do all things. Why? Why did this happen? Why did I have to lose everything?

Tom Hamilton:

You didn’t lose everything Bethany, not even close. That shark didn’t kill you, you’re here, you’re alive, you have your family.

Bethany Hamilton:

But what am I suppose to do now?

Tom Hamilton:

I don’t know…

Bethany Hamilton:

Then how am I suppose to know?

Tom Hamilton:

When the times right you’ll know. You just have to listen.

Bethany Hamilton:

Listen for what?

Tom Hamilton:

For whatever comes next.

 

Proud Moments

Published on by Kimberly Novak7 Comments

proud_of_myself_by_edwmix-d2ymmn3Even though you are looking at the title of this post, I am sitting here tonight really unsure of what I want it to be.  That is very rare as my posts are created from the topic.  I’m trying to determine if I made a step forward tonight or if I merely  reminded myself of a past hurt.  Let me set the scene for you and then maybe a title will pop into my head.

 

After working a long day and feeling very tired I ventured out to a high school sporting event with my hair in a messy pony, wearing mom jeans, and tennis shoes.  I really didn’t feel I had anyone to impress so primping before an 8 pm game on a Wednesday night would’ve been just more work for me at this point.

We all know that every divorced relationship is different, some people come out of it still friends, others are OK with saying hello and goodbye and the rest have no communication at all.  Mine for the most part has been the latter.  Until tonight.  Shortly after arriving I found myself in a very civil conversation with he, she and my son.  I do believe that this is the very first time I have spoken to him with my kids around since the divorce happened.  At the time I was not really aware of my emotional state.  I can tell you that I was not shaking; my voice did not seem to be trembling; and I don’t think I broke out in hives, which is a normal stress response for me.   The conversation lasted about 15 minutes and actually it felt a lot shorter to me, but maybe that is because I was in such a shock that it was actually happening.

There was laughing; no dirty looks; and I even made eye contact.  When our little chat ended,  I headed off to my seat  in a daze.  It took me a minute to let it all soak in and that’s when the flood gates opened.  I sat there in awe that I was able to converse with him and really have a conversation.  At no time during the talking did I think in my head that I needed to get out of there, which is something I would’ve done in the past.

My initial reaction was that I had just climbed a very big mountain and I didn’t fall off.  After checking myself for hives I felt proud, but then I remembered  I looked like crap!  Had I known that was going to take place I may have brushed my hair or at least put on non-mom jeans.

Once I realized that I had survived that moment the tears were almost uncontrollable  and that’s when the hurt wanted to creep back in. My brain wanted to recall painful memories and it was all I could do to not let myself go there.  That’s when I started to become confused.  and had to ask myself was this was a good thing or a bad thing.  Yes I made a very good accomplishment tonight, but is it always going to bring up those memories?

I felt like a fool crying and I hoped that they did not see that happening.  I know circumstances like this will come up again and again, there is no avoiding them.  Learning how to cope and trying not to let those flashes of the past interfere with my proud moments will be the challenge.  blue butterfly

As of now I’m glad it happened, I know that I am getting stronger that is for sure!  And HEY!!! Look up one line there is my title!↑

Maybe, just maybe I took a step tonight towards my first flight from the chrysalis.

Do you have a similar story? Or comment?  Please share

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

12/3/14