Remember that age-old question that we were all asked when upon high school graduation and even during some job interviews? “Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20, 25…years?” I totally answered mine wrong, if we were graded on that I would’ve flunked out! Thank goodness those hopes and aspirations are not written in stone, therefore we can change them any time we want! But when we are forced to change them, that’s when it get’s tricky.
At this point in my life I am supposed to be happily married enjoying the last of the teen years with my children, and getting ready to prepare for empty nest syndrome. I am clearly not where I planned to be! During my divorce I often found myself in the “crystal ball” moment. Saying things like ” if only I could see what was coming”. I think we all feel that sometimes, if we could see the path ahead we may make our decisions differently.
Those of us that are divorced, or have lost someone near to us never imagined we would be where we are today and coping with it takes patience, perseverance, hope, faith, strength, and most of all courage. There have been a lot of decisions I’ve had to make over the past two and a half years and not knowing if I was making them correctly was very stressful. I had no idea how one decision would lead to another, and so on.
In the heat of the moment right on divorce day, I made a decision that has caused, stress, financial strain and fear; surprisingly lately happiness. Had I been asked that same question again after the divorce I still would have gotten it wrong! Survivors of loss most often fear change for the rest of their lives because the change we faced was so painful for us; the change that came from my decision was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do since the divorce.
Tonight a little light was shined on my path and I am now finally starting to see that even though I would never have thought this is where I would be, things are actually starting to fall into place. Perhaps I am on the path that I am supposed to be on. Ironically, I had been 
working on a literal path just yesterday right in the place that I thought I’d never be. Here I am and I’m a survivor! I didn’t know it was happening but I have embraced this very difficult change, faced it head on and I am rocking it! It is becoming clear that just because I thought I made the wrong decision, doesn’t make it wrong. It may just mean that the purpose I thought it was supposed to fill in my life was not what I envisioned.
I am where I am today because that is right where I am meant to be, and I will have many more decisions in the future that are connected with this big one.
If there is one tip I can pass along on this subject, it is to trust yourself, even if you think you are making the wrong decision it may actually be the right one down the line. And also realize that you never know who you are going to need in your life or how you are going to need them. Keep those that love you close by you so that when you are in a low moment or are ready to celebrate the happy ones they will be there to share in them with you.
Tonight I can see that my initial decision was so hard for me to make because deep down I must have known that it would impact my life for a very long time.
Is there a decision you made during your struggle, that will be connected to the next? Please share.
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
Related links/Blogs
Did you know that a fish has no idea it is in water? That’s where it spends every moment of its life and it has no idea that it is moving in water. It cannot see it, smell it, taste it, all it knows is that is the environment in which it lives and if it is taken from that, the breathing stops. A setting that is sounding all too familiar for me.
Lately, my time is spent with a tool in my hand, sometimes it’s a hammer, other’s it’s a paint brush, today it was a two-wheeled dolly to haul damaged, rotted out wood from a front walk to a pile in the back yard. I have been working very hard to make my new home mine. Erasing memories that live within the walls, floors, and even the front walk. In the midst of all of the pounding, scraping, sweeping, sawing, and washing I have realized that moving on from divorce or loss requires more construction than I thought.
Out of the Chrysalis 