Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within

Falling Into Place

5 Comments


Tough Decisions Ahead Road SignRemember that age-old question that we were all asked when upon high school graduation and even during some job interviews?  “Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20, 25…years?”  I totally answered mine wrong, if we were graded on that I would’ve flunked out!  Thank goodness those hopes and aspirations are not written in stone, therefore we can change them any time we want!  But when we are forced to change them, that’s when it get’s tricky.

At this point in my life I am supposed to be happily married enjoying the last of the teen years with my children, and getting ready to prepare for empty nest syndrome. I am clearly not where I planned to be!  During my divorce I often found myself in the “crystal ball” moment.  Saying things like ” if only I could see what was coming”.  I think we all feel that sometimes, if we could see the path ahead we may make our decisions differently.

Those of us that are divorced, or have lost someone near to us never imagined we would be where we are today and coping with it takes patience, perseverance, hope, faith, strength, and most of all courage.  There have been a lot of decisions I’ve had to make over the past two and a half years and not knowing if I was making them correctly was very stressful.  I had no idea how one decision would lead to another, and so on.

In the heat of the moment right on divorce day, I made a decision that has caused, stress, financial strain and fear; surprisingly lately happiness.   Had I been asked that same question again after the divorce I still would have gotten it wrong!  Survivors of loss most often fear change for the rest of their lives because the change we faced was so painful for us; the change that came from my decision was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do since the divorce.

Tonight a little light was shined on my path and I am now finally starting to see that even though I would never have thought this is where I would be, things are actually starting to fall into place.  Perhaps I am on the path that I am supposed to be on.  Ironically, I had been pathlightworking on a literal path just yesterday right in the place that I thought I’d never be.  Here I am and I’m a survivor!  I didn’t know it was happening but I have embraced this very difficult change, faced it head on and I am rocking it!   It is becoming clear that just because I thought I made the wrong decision, doesn’t make it wrong.  It may just mean that the purpose I thought it was supposed to fill in my life was not what I envisioned.

I am where I am today because that is right where I am meant to be, and I will have many more decisions in the future that are connected with this big one.

If there is one tip I can pass along on this subject, it is to trust yourself, even if you think you are making the wrong decision it may actually be the right one down the line.  And also realize that you never know who you are going to need in your life or how you are going to need them.  Keep those that love you close by you so that when you are in a low moment or are ready to celebrate the happy ones they will be there to share in them with you.

Tonight I can see that my initial decision was so  hard  for me to make because deep down I must have known that it would impact my life for a very long time.

Is there a decision you made during your struggle, that will be connected to the next?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

Related links/Blogs

Overcomer, Mandisa

Be Willing to See, Kim Nicol

Celestial Messages, You’re On the right path

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5 thoughts on “Falling Into Place

  1. Just read this post.
    In talking to my friend this weekend – was recalling some of my really bad times – before the divorce.
    My ex was trying to convince me to “save money” by the two of us using the same lawyer (his!)
    We had made arrangements to have a conference call to discuss the settlement.
    This was to occur on a Thursday. On Tuesday – I had a complete meltdown – felt suicidal. Luckily – I had a wonderful physician that I immediately called and was told to get into the office immediately.
    She talked me down – would not let me leave the office until she was sure I was safe.
    Told me there was no way I should be participating in a conference call with his lawyer and him. Encouraged me to NOT use his lawyer – to get my own.
    I said I couldn’t call and cancel.
    She took my ex’s number – called him – told him I was not in any state of mind to participate in a conference call – and told him she was going to encourage me to get my own lawyer.
    She saved my life – physically and emotionally that day.
    Ultimately – I got my own lawyer – found the strength I had always had throughout our marriage and have been very satisfied with the settlement agreement that I ultimately wrote myself.
    There are times I think perhaps I should have taken more from the house – I really didn’t have room for any more things in my house anyway. I decided to let go of gifts that he had given me that only brought me pain. He kept all gifts I gave to him.
    I’m also very proud that I didn’t destroy any old photos. Instead – I put together a box with family photos and other parts of our past with my children’s names on the box. I know that some day they will be very glad to have these things from their past. AND – they will be happy that I didn’t destroy these memories of their past.
    Phyllis

  2. Thanks for the Ping Back!!! : )

  3. Pingback: A Beginning Thought. | keepcalmnwrite

  4. Thanks for sharing Elizabeth. It is very hard to make good decisions in the heat of the moment. Especially when you are not sure if that’s what you want in the first place! Kudos to you for thinking it through and going for it when the time was right!

    Many Blessings
    Kimberly

  5. I had an epiphany on the eve of signing my property settlement too, and didn’t sign it. It has been back to the table for further negotiations since then. The original settlement did not feel right. However, it had taken me 18 months to realise that it wasn’t right as I was too emotionally distraught up until then. The downside has been that it will still take some time for full progress to be made but I feel that the progress will be in the right direction.
    It is fantastic that your decision is working out well – even if not the way you originally intended.

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