Tag: butterfly

I found my Passion!

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

One year ago I sat in a conference room at a retreat and after listening to several people speak, and watching a few videos  I was asked the question “What is your passion?”  I had no answer and I was devastated.  For years my passion was wife and mother.  Don’t get me wrong that was very fulfilling for me and I would not trade it for the world.  But in that moment when I could not produce an answer it left me feeling anxious, sad, and sometimes hopeless, until today.

At approximately 7pm this evening  I was finally able to answer that question.  My passion is writing, sharing my story and helping other’s who have been through what I have.  It was the best feeling, and I haven’t felt that good in a very long time.  Even though I”ve had some accomplishments since the divorce, like getting an actual job, this was different.

In that moment of extreme clarity I felt like I had a purpose.  I know there are millions of people out there who are struggling with divorce and loss and I’m just another blip on that screen, but if I can help just one other blip my dreams will be realized. I did have family and friends to turn to during my time of loss but what I was missing was true life stories to compare to.  I was so busy with the act of getting a divorce that I didn’t look to see if there were other’s like me out there.

I want to be that “search result” when someone else does their Google search.  I would like my stories,  reflections and  words to calm the souls of those who are struggling.  I feel like I am on the right path to doing just that and with the continued love and support of my friends, family, and fellow bloggers I will be on my way to becoming who I want to be when I grow up!

 

So I need to ask  what is your passion?

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/5/12

I’m Gleaning

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

Definition of GLEAN:  intransitive verb

1: to gather grain or other produce left by reapers

2: to gather information or material bit by bit

1a: to pick up after a reaper.  b:  to strip(as a field) of the leavings of reapers

2a: to gather (as information) bit by bit. b: to pick over in search of relevant material/ gleaning old files for information.

      The other day I was approached  for some advice.  We spoke only briefly, but during that moment I found myself going back to a dark place that I had once been in and it scared the crap out of me!  I wondered, how can I continue to offer advice or help people if their issues bring up my old wounds?  However, the reason I was being asked for advice is because I had gone through it and I may have have information that could offer some help.  What I need to do is learn how to glean through my emotions.

      I was sharing this with a friend yesterday and was told that the best advice anyone can offer is based on real emotions, and because I had gone through what I did I can offer real advice not hypothetical.   I still had some concerns though; its only been a year and a half am I ready to be the person for other’s to turn to? After some reflection I realized that I have a passion within me to share my story in the hopes that I can help anyone even in the slightest.  So the answer to that is a heartwarming YES!   It may be the best time because the emotions are still so real in my mind.  I can still feel every ounce of what I went through.   Which brought up another concern; if I continue to re-live my trial every time I offer help to someone else will I ever be free of it?  The answer to that is NO.  However, no matter if I’m helping other’s or not I will never be free of any of those feelings because they are within me.  
   
      That’s where gleaning comes in.   When I am asked a question or asked for advice I am searching bit by bit through what I went through looking for relevant material or old information that may fit their current situation.  I need to be able to go back to those moments so that I can offer my best suggestions.  No situation will be exactly the same but if they are similar in nature I can share what I did or what I wish I had done.
      I’ll admit I was sad that day and fearful of the fact that if I am to continue on this journey of being a shoulder for other’s and sharing my experiences with them there will be times when I will have to recall some of those painful memories.  But I am determined to make myself available for anyone out there suffering a loss.  I am willing and ready to go back down any road I have to if it offers comfort or clarity for other’s in their struggle.
    I also know that in the process of gleaning I will learn how to recall those memories without them having a negative affect on the new person I have become.   Wow!  In typing that last sentence I can see that I am truly making progress on my transformation and I’m Blessed to be able to share with all of you.  I hope some of you are doing the same on your journey!  Together we will all transform into the beautiful butterflies we are meant to be.
Is anyone willing to share a moment when you saw progress in your transformation? GLEAN through your memory and leave a reply.
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
5/19/12

The calm before the storm

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

In nature we know that the calm before the storm is when the trees become still, the birds are quiet and the colors in the sky become ominous.   I have to say that the animals are very lucky that they know how to see that calm and can then prepare for the storm.  The bad news for us humans is that we don’t notice that calm until we are in the midst of our storm.

Not to long ago I wrote a post about how important it is to try to see the beauty that  is hidden within your storm and the fact that once you make it through you will be better for it; you will grow stronger through that trial.  So how can we sense that we are in a calm before the storm?  Some people may say “my life is going too well something bad is going to happen”.  Or the famous “it’s too good to be true, so something bad must come of it”.  The truth is we don’t see that we were in the calm until the storm happens.  Just tonight I had a close friend say “I hope this storm passes quick I have been pretty stress free for a few weeks”.  We don’t have a doppler system for the storms of life so how do we embrace our calm if we are seeing it only when the storm hits?

I’m sure you can think back to a really good day or a time when you thought to yourself “wow things are going really well for me”.  We need to pay attention to those moments and take inventory on how we are feeling.  Pay attention to your outlook on life, energy level and overall happiness.  Then, be in tune to the impact those feelings are having on you in that moment.  Maybe they are causing you to be successful in a project you are working on or maybe they just helped you brighten someone’s day.  No matter how large or small the success is make sure you note it!  Place these feelings and moments of happiness and success in your emergency storm bag because they will become your tools for survival.

I love this pic! She has her tool in hand!

You’ve taken inventory on your best day you have those feelings and moments in your mind and all of a sudden your sky opens and your storm hits.  Stress is being piled on you from every angle.  Be it work, a relationship, kids or anything that can cause you stress, it’s all hitting you at once.  What do you do?  You reach out for your tools.  You remember how you felt when things were going well in your life and you focus on those feelings and ask yourself  “what do I need to do in order to feel like that again?”  If you take just a moment to look back you will quickly realize you would much rather have the feelings of happiness and success rather than the feelings the stress is causing you to have.  Now I know you can’t just close your eyes and make your problems disappear.  It would be awesome but  it’s not going to happen.  You will still have to deal with whatever the issue is but use your tools while you are dealing with it. Remind yourself that you are strong enough to find a solution to your problem and release the stress.  Encourage yourself to work through whatever it is and get yourself back to the feelings you had when you were in your calm. We can’t know how long our storm will last but we can use our tools to help bring us out and back to our calm.

The last couple of years have been a pretty big storm but I did have some good days thrown in there.  I will now look back on those days and pull the tools out of my emergency bag whenever a storm hits.

Would anyone like to offer any suggestions to my blog reader’s on how you were successful in working through a stressful time, we could all use helpful tips!  (respond in the comments)

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

5/8/12