I’m Gleaning

Definition of GLEAN:  intransitive verb

1: to gather grain or other produce left by reapers

2: to gather information or material bit by bit

1a: to pick up after a reaper.  b:  to strip(as a field) of the leavings of reapers

2a: to gather (as information) bit by bit. b: to pick over in search of relevant material/ gleaning old files for information.

      The other day I was approached  for some advice.  We spoke only briefly, but during that moment I found myself going back to a dark place that I had once been in and it scared the crap out of me!  I wondered, how can I continue to offer advice or help people if their issues bring up my old wounds?  However, the reason I was being asked for advice is because I had gone through it and I may have have information that could offer some help.  What I need to do is learn how to glean through my emotions.

      I was sharing this with a friend yesterday and was told that the best advice anyone can offer is based on real emotions, and because I had gone through what I did I can offer real advice not hypothetical.   I still had some concerns though; its only been a year and a half am I ready to be the person for other’s to turn to? After some reflection I realized that I have a passion within me to share my story in the hopes that I can help anyone even in the slightest.  So the answer to that is a heartwarming YES!   It may be the best time because the emotions are still so real in my mind.  I can still feel every ounce of what I went through.   Which brought up another concern; if I continue to re-live my trial every time I offer help to someone else will I ever be free of it?  The answer to that is NO.  However, no matter if I’m helping other’s or not I will never be free of any of those feelings because they are within me.  
      That’s where gleaning comes in.   When I am asked a question or asked for advice I am searching bit by bit through what I went through looking for relevant material or old information that may fit their current situation.  I need to be able to go back to those moments so that I can offer my best suggestions.  No situation will be exactly the same but if they are similar in nature I can share what I did or what I wish I had done.
      I’ll admit I was sad that day and fearful of the fact that if I am to continue on this journey of being a shoulder for other’s and sharing my experiences with them there will be times when I will have to recall some of those painful memories.  But I am determined to make myself available for anyone out there suffering a loss.  I am willing and ready to go back down any road I have to if it offers comfort or clarity for other’s in their struggle.
    I also know that in the process of gleaning I will learn how to recall those memories without them having a negative affect on the new person I have become.   Wow!  In typing that last sentence I can see that I am truly making progress on my transformation and I’m Blessed to be able to share with all of you.  I hope some of you are doing the same on your journey!  Together we will all transform into the beautiful butterflies we are meant to be.
Is anyone willing to share a moment when you saw progress in your transformation? GLEAN through your memory and leave a reply.
Courageous Butterfly

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