Author: Kimberly Novak

While driving home today I was inspired by song lyrics on a new CD I had gotten over the weekend.  I didn’t think I had heard the song before until I went on youtube and realized not only had I heard the song, I had tried to send the link to a friend a couple of months back but the link did not attach to the message.  This song obviously wants me to pay attention to it so I decided I’d make it the topic of my blog today.

The lyrics that call out to  me are:

These arms are holding you
This love will see you through
When you smile and you laugh but you’re fakin’
Cause you don’t know how you’re gonna make it
You feel so much pain
And you can’t see your way
You’re not alone

When you try not to cry but to take it
All the stress, and the hurt and the heartache
You may feel pain, You’re not alone.

While suffering through the divorce I did just what is spoken in the first verse.  Very often I wore that fake smile and there were many nights I would go to sleep not knowing how I was going to make it through the intense pain I was feeling.    I even closed myself off to people closest to me in my life out of fear of letting them see what I was truly feeling.  Anyone that has suffered a loss of a loved one knows that it is very important to talk through the grief, not to keep it all locked up inside of you.  I had suffered the loss of my marriage and I hadn’t taken the time to properly grieve.

I think a big part of it was I didn’t want to be a burden to my family and friends.  I felt like I had put them through enough over the past two years and they didn’t need to hear anymore of it.     About six months after the divorce I started a new friendship with someone who had gone through a similar experience at almost the same exact time I had.  I found myself being able to open up to this person. Not only because it was someone I hadn’t dumped on yet, but because my feelings were being understood by someone who had also lived through it.  I never thought I would be able to discuss what I was going through with someone who at the time I was not very close to.  That relationship has been a very important part in my healing process.  I have been able to walk through a lot of what I’ve been feeling, get it all out and discuss it.   Which has brought me to where I am today.  Now I can discuss openly why I’m feeling the way I do and I’m able to find ways to move past it and put it behind me.

When I heard this song today I realized that I am moving through this journey.  In the beginning I was hiding it like in the first verse but now I am at the point in the second verse.  I try not to cry but there are days when I will; I still feel stress and heartache; I know I still will feel pain; and most importantly I’m Not Alone!

I wanted to make sure I reminded you that You Are Not Alone either.    I encourage you to find someone you can confide in openly and honestly.  Someone you can trust with your true feelings, who won’t judge you for your decisions and who will help you on your journey to complete the process.

Tears are healing and with each one I feel like I am getting closer to being able to embrace my transformation and the new life ahead of me.

Courageous Butterfly

2/19/12

If you are interested in the entire song it’s Jamie Grace Not Alone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbRQvrBgCJA

We’ve all had that moment when we think something is totally off the wall silly.  What do you think would happen if what you thought was a silly instance actually turned out to be something life changing?

I actually experienced that today and let me tell you it’s the most amazing feeling I’ve had in a very long time!  I think most of us take for granted the silliness in our lives.  We look upon those moments as being insignificant moments of time.  If we continue to look past the silliness instead of looking into it we may miss out on something very important.

Because of privacy laws I cannot go into full detail about my experience in this blog, however I can share with you the impact it had on me.  In a 15 minute moment that I thought had started out to be just silly, I realized that I am exactly where I”m supposed to be at this point in my life.  Even though I had to go through something completely horrible the past two years, that experience has placed me where I am today and I can finally say I’m happy I’m here.

I have learned not to take for granted the silly moments we have in our lives.  Just like everything else, silly or not, they are there for a reason.  Take the “Pet Rock” for instance.  Silly?  Heck yes;  but the inventor is now a millionaire.   Another good example of silly instances is The Three Stooges.  That show provided laughter for millions of people but I can probably guarantee that one of the first people to view it said, “Oh how silly”.

I am thanking God today that I took 15 minutes out of my day to let the silliness show me that I am on the right path.  I am just where he wants me to be and it is so calming to be able to see that!

So do me a favor and the next time you find yourself in a situation that you are finding silly stop, take a breath, and really look into it a little further before you pass it off as silliness because it could change your life!

Courageous Butterfly

2/15/12

I have to be honest and let you know that I cannot take credit for the title of this post.  A very wise woman said it just the other day and I’ve heard her say it very often.  Today I found myself repeating it to someone else so I thought I should pass it along to you.

I’m sure we’ve all had an experience where someone was in our lives one minute and then gone the next.   Sometimes it can be a mutual decision but most times it is not and someone ends up hurting and wondering why?  I thought about that a lot during my divorce.  I wanted an answer to why my ex was in my life for so long and then one day just gone!

I never thought I’d get an answer to that question.  To quote the wise woman “People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime”.  At first I didn’t get it, but then I started to think back to some of the people I had met in my life and I could actually place them in one of those three categories.

A Reason would be someone who was in your life briefly with an outcome.  For example say you’re struggling with trying to find a new dentist and you’re in line at the bank and overhear the person in front of you saying they love their dentist.  You strike up a conversation and before you know it you have a business card in hand for your new dentist.  That person in line with you was placed in your life for a reason.  A reason could also be someone who you met and had a friendship with for a short period of time and then the friendship just fizzled out.  If you think back on it now you will discover what the reason was that you became friends in the first place.

A season would be someone who was in your life for a longer period of time but you do not have any ties to that person that would put them with you for a lifetime.  Maybe someone you dated for a few years or the good friend you had during college.   This person would be in your life for more than just a trip to the dentist but may only last for a minimal amount of time.

A lifetime is pretty self-explanatory right?  Nope! Not at all!  See when she first told me about this I immediately assumed that since I was divorced my ex would’ve been someone who was in my life for a season.   After all we would not be spending the rest of our lives together.  I took some time to reflect on what she said and I realized that my relationship with him will be a lifetime.  Even though we are not walking hand in hand we shared over 20 years together, those memories will last a lifetime.  More importantly though are the kids.  Our kids will keep us connected for the rest of our lives.  Whether I like it or not this man will be in my life for a lifetime.  I was actually comforted by this realization because I no longer have to wonder why.

If you’re wondering about some of your past relationships or friendships take a few minutes and try to apply this principle you may also have a moment of comfort as I did.

Hopefully I’ve explained that well, I’d love your comments.

Courageous Butterfly

2/8/12