While driving home today I was inspired by song lyrics on a new CD I had gotten over the weekend.  I didn’t think I had heard the song before until I went on youtube and realized not only had I heard the song, I had tried to send the link to a friend a couple of months back but the link did not attach to the message.  This song obviously wants me to pay attention to it so I decided I’d make it the topic of my blog today.

The lyrics that call out to  me are:

These arms are holding you
This love will see you through
When you smile and you laugh but you’re fakin’
Cause you don’t know how you’re gonna make it
You feel so much pain
And you can’t see your way
You’re not alone

When you try not to cry but to take it
All the stress, and the hurt and the heartache
You may feel pain, You’re not alone.

While suffering through the divorce I did just what is spoken in the first verse.  Very often I wore that fake smile and there were many nights I would go to sleep not knowing how I was going to make it through the intense pain I was feeling.    I even closed myself off to people closest to me in my life out of fear of letting them see what I was truly feeling.  Anyone that has suffered a loss of a loved one knows that it is very important to talk through the grief, not to keep it all locked up inside of you.  I had suffered the loss of my marriage and I hadn’t taken the time to properly grieve.

I think a big part of it was I didn’t want to be a burden to my family and friends.  I felt like I had put them through enough over the past two years and they didn’t need to hear anymore of it.     About six months after the divorce I started a new friendship with someone who had gone through a similar experience at almost the same exact time I had.  I found myself being able to open up to this person. Not only because it was someone I hadn’t dumped on yet, but because my feelings were being understood by someone who had also lived through it.  I never thought I would be able to discuss what I was going through with someone who at the time I was not very close to.  That relationship has been a very important part in my healing process.  I have been able to walk through a lot of what I’ve been feeling, get it all out and discuss it.   Which has brought me to where I am today.  Now I can discuss openly why I’m feeling the way I do and I’m able to find ways to move past it and put it behind me.

When I heard this song today I realized that I am moving through this journey.  In the beginning I was hiding it like in the first verse but now I am at the point in the second verse.  I try not to cry but there are days when I will; I still feel stress and heartache; I know I still will feel pain; and most importantly I’m Not Alone!

I wanted to make sure I reminded you that You Are Not Alone either.    I encourage you to find someone you can confide in openly and honestly.  Someone you can trust with your true feelings, who won’t judge you for your decisions and who will help you on your journey to complete the process.

Tears are healing and with each one I feel like I am getting closer to being able to embrace my transformation and the new life ahead of me.

Courageous Butterfly

2/19/12

If you are interested in the entire song it’s Jamie Grace Not Alone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbRQvrBgCJA