Tag: strength

Love Is…….

Published on by Kimberly Novak4 Comments

There are so many different ways to finish the thought Love Is…. and today I heard a song that really filled in those blanks for me.  This is probably one of the topics where I could sit and blog for hours on so many different points.  Tonight I just want to focus on how I felt when I heard some of the lyrics.   (You will find a link to the song at the bottom of this post.)

Sometimes love will make you cry.   Recently, my journey has brought on an unpleasant challenge.  Surprisingly  the first thing I struggled with was the fact that I still wanted to go to my ex for comfort.  Here I am after all of the time, heartache, disappointment, resentment, and pain still wanting to share important life changing moments with him.  I have had to share some instances with him that concerned the kids, but this time was different, because it concerned only me.  To tell you the truth I really didn’t know what I wanted or needed from him, it was just the fact that I was so used to sharing important things with him for so long. I was not ready to break that cycle; until now.  When I heard the lyrics “Sometimes love will make you cry” I knew that it is time to move past that urge of calling on him in a crisis.  This is something that I didn’t know still needed work and realizing it was step one. I will always carry some kind of love in my heart for the person I spent half of my life with.  Learning how to put that love behind me is step two.

Love will change your life.  This spoke to me on so many different levels.  There are so many forms of love that can change your life.  For instance the fact that I love my job!  I never thought I would end up where I am.  I am so grateful and blessed to have all of the people who were brought into my life because of it. Love won’t leave you empty.  The love from my church and Sister’s In Christ.  I cannot even begin to describe how my faith has blossomed because of the love I receive from all of those special people.  These instances all involved Love and they in fact have changed my life.

Love can heal you if you let it inside.  My absolute favorite lyric!   So many people are afraid to let love back in once they have gone through a heart-break.  I did not think it would be something that I would willingly do.  I say willing because it is definitely something that I wanted; but would I be able to let it happen?  Even letting in strong friendships was a scary thought for me because I also lost my best friend in the divorce.  Luckily, I did not struggle with my decision for very long.  I have begun to allow some of those feelings happen for me again.  It has been extremely healing for me.  Scary – yes!  but the amount of happiness that feeling like that again has brought into my life, far outweighs anything that is scary about it.

Remember, love’s not easy….but it’s worth it.  Worth it, as are most things in life that are not easy.  As survivors we have to love ourselves enough to allow those feelings back into our lives.  It will take confidence to be willing to allow it to happen.  Imagine the caterpillar in the chrysalis finally realizing that she/he is worth it; the chrysalis breaks and she/he is free to fly.  We can have that same experience and how beautiful it is!

Love can hear you, I know love will heal you….. Are you allowing Love back into your life?  Please share.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO65vqbkG_0

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

7/10/12

I found my Passion!

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

One year ago I sat in a conference room at a retreat and after listening to several people speak, and watching a few videos  I was asked the question “What is your passion?”  I had no answer and I was devastated.  For years my passion was wife and mother.  Don’t get me wrong that was very fulfilling for me and I would not trade it for the world.  But in that moment when I could not produce an answer it left me feeling anxious, sad, and sometimes hopeless, until today.

At approximately 7pm this evening  I was finally able to answer that question.  My passion is writing, sharing my story and helping other’s who have been through what I have.  It was the best feeling, and I haven’t felt that good in a very long time.  Even though I”ve had some accomplishments since the divorce, like getting an actual job, this was different.

In that moment of extreme clarity I felt like I had a purpose.  I know there are millions of people out there who are struggling with divorce and loss and I’m just another blip on that screen, but if I can help just one other blip my dreams will be realized. I did have family and friends to turn to during my time of loss but what I was missing was true life stories to compare to.  I was so busy with the act of getting a divorce that I didn’t look to see if there were other’s like me out there.

I want to be that “search result” when someone else does their Google search.  I would like my stories,  reflections and  words to calm the souls of those who are struggling.  I feel like I am on the right path to doing just that and with the continued love and support of my friends, family, and fellow bloggers I will be on my way to becoming who I want to be when I grow up!

 

So I need to ask  what is your passion?

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/5/12

Final…such a scary word

Published on by Kimberly Novak1 Comment

The word final can mean so many different things depending on the situation.  Many times it comes about in a positive situation like taking your final exam’s, which signifies the completion of a long-term school goal, or finally achieving something you’ve been working a long time on.  Then there are other times when final can be negative as in a relationship coming to an end or the end of something you’ve been enjoying like a television series.  No matter if it’s a positive or a negative the word still has the same meaning…to come to an end.

Today, I’m taking a very big step and it has me scared to death.  I have made it a point to be open and honest since I started this blog and today is no different. I don’t want to only focus on the loss of a marriage so I will remind others that this post as well as my other’s are meant for those dealing with any type of loss. Loss of anything is hard just think back to when we were kids and how we responded when we lost something.  Even as simple as losing our homework or the dollar we had in our pocket, it freaked us out!  It doesn’t matter what it is that we are losing the act of losing anything can be devastating.

I’ve been dealing with the loss of my marriage, my home and living with my kids, along with the identity I had while in my marriage.  I’ve had to make a lot of changes and I’ve lost some friends we shared along the way, but none of that compares to how I am feeling as I make my final step to moving forward. Some may see it as a silly formality given the circumstances, but it is freaking me out.

I’ll just go ahead and say it… I’m beginning my annulment process tomorrow.  Well, hopefully it will be granted to me to proceed with the process.  I”ve been putting it off for some time now; I needed to make sure I was ready to deal with the fact that once this happen’s  that chapter of my life will truly be closed.  Again, I know how silly that sounds, as my ex has officially moved on, I on the other hand need this to continue my journey towards being fully healed.

So what freaks me out? The word final.  Once the annulment is complete that will be it, my marriage will be null and void.   Silly, I know since the divorce pretty much does the same thing, just not in the eyes of the church; for me that’s a big thing.  Aside from that it is still the last and final procedure I will go through with my marriage and it leaves me feeling somewhat sad. I”ve come to terms with the fact that I need to make friends with this very scary word and tomorrow I will be doing just that.

I hope that I can inspire anyone else who may be dealing with making any type of final decision.  If I can offer anything it would be to say that you need to make your decisions in your own time and on your terms.
  You will know when you are ready to move forward and if you look deep within yourself you will find the courage that you need to keep moving forward.

I”d love to hear stories from my you, please feel free to share how you worked out something final in your life.  Respond below in the comments section.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 6/1/12