Dating After Divorce…….I know its been a while!


Young couple holding hands with sun-flare.

I almost forgot the feeling of the keys under my fingertips.  It has been too long since I posted on this site and to my readers I apologize. My respite was due to trying to live in the moment without looking in my rear view mirror and so far so good!

What I want to talk about in this post is kind of scary, and I’ll admit it has had my blood pressure up just a little bit.  Dating after divorce!!!  Let me start by saying I highly recommend it, however it is not as easy as I thought it would be.

We have our scars and it doesn’t matter how deep they are, they can and will at some point bring up memories or feelings of past relationships.  After my divorce I was told not to date for at least five years and I thought that idea was completely crazy! Now I kind of agree.  It’s been four years since my divorce and I’m truly very happy in this new relationship, but I”m also dealing with some divorce demons.

Wondering and hoping that  the rug will not be pulled out from under me as I am in this happy state, I decided the best way to overcome this is to kick it’s ass!  I wake up every day and only focus on the day, not my past, not my future but to live in the moments as they happen, and so far it is working, and when it’s not I text my sister!

Sometimes I find myself caught in a PTSD moment and it is all I can do to bring myself out of it, but I do.  I think that the fact I survived a divorce means I will always have some sort of PTSD event pop up, but I also know I will get through it when it happens.

My goals right now are to continue to kick the rear end of divorce; step up to the new relationship plate, and knock one out of the park!

It feels so good to be back!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/30/15

Related links/posts

Thinking Out Loud

Dating After Divorce

Soul Mates?


caterpillarbutterlfy I want to start off with a question…why are so many of us consumed with finding our “soul mate”?

I have only been divorced for four years which to some may seem like a really long time but to those of us who have been living it, it seems like just yesterday we were in the court room making the final arrangements.  It is hard enough to deal with the reasons for why your marriage or relationship has ended but then pile on top of that looking for someone new, as far as I’m concerned that is a recipe for an atomic bomb!

If we ask Google what a soul mate is Wikipedia says this:  A soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity.    Simple enough, but psych central says:  “A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake,” author Elizabeth Gilbert said. “But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.”

Then there are the energy feeling resources that say : “Soul mate” is sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility. Soul mates can have various types of relationships, which do not always include romantic love. They can be close friends, co-workers, a teacher, anyone who influences your life one way or another. They play the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental, games of third dimension with you. They can affect relationships in a positive or negative way depending on the emotional issues of the people concerned.

And last but not least Google Images (image copyright of google images).  soul mates

So how do you know?  I was tucked snugly into bed when this post jumped out of my brain and started to take shape on this page.  There is something to this that I need to get to the bottom of and I need your help!

Here we are, all suffering from a loss and we are trying so hard to move on.  Whether it be divorce, death, or separation we are all in this together.  The definitions that I cited are confusing to me how can the most important person you will ever meet not be meant for forever?  Or how can your soul mate not include romantic love?  I always understood the definition of soul mates to mean life long partner, which you would think would mean in all aspects of your life and not in a negative way.

So does this mean when we meet our “soul mate” and choose to or are forced to let them go then we are moving on to our next dimension?    But the bigger question is can one person have more thane one soul mate?    So I googled it and there is a lot!  Here is just one quote: “The bond shared with each soul mate is truly exceptional. Humans are the most complex beings, and each soul mate complements a different aspect of us. We find comfort in having someone who can understand and relate to us. ”

I also found that a “soul mate” can be someone communicating to you from other life times, so maybe its the people in my dreams.

Here’s what I’m thinking…. there is no real answer until you know it when you have it.

For some of us grieving our loss we had it and it is now gone, according to google and other research options it is possible that you will find it again or maybe it’s been there all along and you just didn’t know it, in which case, just hang out, sit tight and let God or the Universe do it’s thing!  As far as I’m concerned, I”m pretty sure the caterpillar wasn’t concerned with finding a “soul mate” while making its transformation to a butterfly, because it was it’s own and to me that is a blessing!

I’d welcome your thoughts.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 1/27/15

The truth about soul mates

Definition of soul mate

 

Turn Signal… It’s time For A New Journey


195362657 (2)“Say goodbye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again” are the lyrics that have been burning through me over the last few weeks.  I’ve been grappling with decisions on where to plant my feet and start my new beginning and making those choices has been crazy. I’ve had to think through so much  in the last few years that I just could not do this last one, even though it was possibly the most important.  I couldn’t do it.  Each time I thought I knew what I wanted I would change my mind again.  I was going in complete circles and not ending up where I knew I needed to be, but did I really know where that was?

This is another situation where I may have looked to be strong and handling everything ok, but inside it wasn’t happening.  There was a time in my marriage when I had my doubts and suspicions and I chose not to act on them and when I did, those concerns were belittled and brushed aside.  The past four years I have been reliving that memory on a daily basis, it is my route home, and each time I take it I see it clear as day.

We had left the same time that fall day, the kids and I headed out and he to work.  His car moved ahead of mine and got a couple of car lengths ahead but I could still see it.  I looked up and saw I was being stopped by the red light and followed his car with my eyes as he ventured forward.  Just as the light turned green I saw it….the turn signal, he was making a left even though he should have been going straight.  I had driven that path before certain that I would see what I thought in my heart was happening, but never did.  I had a choice to make and having my children in the car I chose to go on with our day and question it later.  

I’ve never forgotten that moment, each day when I hit that left signal to return home I see it happening again, only this time I am the one going to that destination and I have no idea how or why I chose to end up here.  For some reason since I got the news the house has sold and I”ll soon be free to make my new beginning that flashback is even more clear to me.  I don’t know if that memory was holding me back from making the decision on where I want to start over but I know my heart needs to make a clean break.

Over the past two days I have finally made my choice and it is to take that leap.  I can’t stay a prisoner in this town and relive all those moments over and over again.  I have found  a place that makes me smile, it’s pretty and shiny and happy!!  A little pricey but hey, it’s well worth it.  The emotions I have right now are unremarkable, just knowing that I will not have to drive that path again and see that left turn signal, instead I will be going straight on my new path, not looking back and free.  dreamer

I have no idea what is in store for me but I know I will be comfortable and happy, and maybe will even be able to find out who I am.  I know it’s a cliché to say you have to find yourself, but it’s true.  When you have been through a loss and a trauma that turns your world inside out, it transforms you into someone you never thought you would be.  I need to find Kimberly, get to know her and together she and I will embark on this new journey.

Is there a memory that is holding you back?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

8/10/14

Related topics/blogs

Tell Your Heart To Beat Again, Danny Goke

52 Opportunities For A New Beginning, Insight From A Woman’s Heart

Scars, kellymcmurray