Ready to F.L.Y.


 

party hornsA new year is on the horizon and during this time many of us take a moment or two to look back on the past year and ask ourselves questions like “Did I set out to do what I had planned?”  ” Did I make the most of the past year?”  ” Was I true to myself?”  The list can go on and on.  I know I’ve written about looking ahead to the future and not dwelling on the past, but in this instance it is acceptable to reflect on what 2012 has meant to you.

I recently received a comment on an older blog post and when I re-read what I had written some months ago it brought tears to my eyes, just as the day I wrote it.  During this moment I decided to read a few more of the older posts to see what kind of reaction I would have.  In reading I was reminded of  what I was carrying with me at the time I wrote each individual article.  Some gave me an initial reaction of thank God I survived that!  Other’s had me holding back tears.  Then there were a few that gave me a “OMG I shared that” moment. The upside is I didn’t realize how much I have changed, grown and strengthened until I started reading.

Ironically, the post that was the hardest for me to write and still the hardest for me to read today is “All The King’s Horses”.  In that post I comment on how much I have grown, strengthened and transformed!  Yet, as I look back on it now I see myself even stronger.  Other’s that stand out are “Broken Can Be Beautiful”, and “Be The Cup”.  If you haven’t had a chance to read those I highly recommend it!

So, if I were to take a look back on 2012 what would I find?  Well, for starter’s when I began my blogging journey my children told me that blogging is the adult version of whining about it!  Interesting take on the world of blogging I suppose, however I made it a point to show them some of my first several comments from subscriber’s telling me how much my post had strengthened or meant something to them.  Score one for Mom.

In my writing world:  I am a little disappointed that I am not further along on the eBook that I had promised last August.  But like I said in an update, I cannot finish a book if I am still in the process of living through what I want to pass along to other’s.  The eBook is half done and when the time is right I will complete it. I have secured a photograph for the cover of the eBook courtesy of  Tracie Louise Photography.  I was thrilled to have the chance to submit an unpublished article to the New York Times!!  I was very close to having it published when we hit a snag, I am not an expert in my field, meaning I do not hold a degree in divorce.  That was a little upsetting, but the fact that I made it that far in the process was very rewarding!

The stress of 2012:  We are getting closer to an answer with my health issues and that is a very big relief!  That is something that has been weighing me down for a very long time.  Which reminds me, check out the post “When Life Weighs You Down”.  I survived two unexpected losses but going through them has added more energy to becoming stronger.

Emotions:  I am becoming more in tune with my intuition, which is something that is very important to me.  I spent a lot of years ignoring that little voice inside of me.  I am more at ease with what I survived.  I have learned how to channel my feelings into positive energy in the hopes of helping other’s going through a similar struggle.

Highlights:  I was very pleased this year to receive the Very Inspiring Blogger Award, courtesy of Elizabeth at Almost Spring.  During 2012 my insane obsession for butterflies really took on a new meaning!  I am surrounded by photos, coffee mugs, jewelry, wall hangings, and the best is the personalized license plate!  The moment I am most proud of is when I discovered or realized my passion for writing.  It is something I never studied and never really considered would be a part of my life.  When I sit down to write I am at peace.  Even if the topic is upsetting to me, writing puts me in a place within my spirit.  It is the one time when I am truly alone with my thoughts, emotions, and feelings.  I am grateful for this gift or talent, though I’m not sure just how good I am at it yet.  I can say that I enjoy writing very much and could make a career out of it if I was given the opportunity.  It warms my heart when I receive comments from reader’s saying how I have helped them on their journey, or just the fact that I shared something with them that they can relate to.  That is what it is all about!

Looking back now with a few obstacles set aside, I’d have to say that 2012 wasn’t all that bad.  I have made positive changes in my life butterflyflythat will carry me into the future.  I still have some work to do in some areas but hey no one is perfect.  I am excited to see what the coming year brings into my life.  I know that I am strong enough to handle any obstacle be it good or bad.  This butterfly is ready to fly into 2013.

Are you ready to fly?  Leave a comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

12/30/12

RELATED LINKS/BLOGS

Ready to Fly, Richard Marx

If this were your last day

Self-Reflection

It’s A New Season

 

 

 

Road Trip!


road_tripsIt’s time for a road trip! I am now ready to look at life through the windshield, no longer looking in the rear view mirror, and this time I am traveling light!

No more carrying around unnecessary suitcases that were once filled with doubt, regret, failure, defeat, and pain.   I have one bag that will hold, love, laughter, joy, faith, hope, confidence, strength and determination.  Now, I know life is not going to be perfect and I will hit a few speed bumps along the way, and there is room in my bag for those events; however, they will only be passing by and not invited to stay.

Two years ago today I reluctantly began a new journey.  I was sad, confused, hurt, and defeated.  Anticipating how I may be feeling about it all, I did not sleep well last night.  I was afraid of waking up today and having those feelings back just because it was an anniversary.  I am PROUD to say that I survived and kept it a completely tear free day.  Instead of focusing on what I went through and why today was going to be so hard, I focused on what is ahead; yet to come; surprises that await me; new beginnings; fun; excitement; love; hope; and dreams.

I spent the day being thankful that I am where I am after the struggle I endured.  I’m thankful for the lesson’s I learned, and even thankful for the tears I cried.  It was within those tears that I was healing.  I’m thankful that I was given the chance to begin again, find out who I am and what I’m all about.  I still have my moments, fears, and also discovering some scars that were left behind, as I wrote about in my last post.  But I’m ok with that, it’s part of the healing and transformation that I am making.  Even though I’m still 4 ft 11″, I feel like I have grown through this experience.  Today I stand on my tip toes and embrace the new me!

Loss is horrible, but when you can see what you have learned from the process…it’s AMAZING!  The most important value I have learned so far is not to live in the past.  Keep your eyes forward.  Only you are behind the wheel of your life, you make the choice to keep moving forward, or to detour back to the past.  Maintaining a steady cruise seems like the best way to travel.  Speeding through can bring feelings of fear or doubt.  When this happens, take a deep breath, reflect and make sure it’s the path you want to be on.broken-road

My windshield is looking pretty awesome right now.   The road I’ve been traveling on has led me to some pretty fantastic places, and brought wonderful people into my life.  It’s not all going to be sunny skies, there will be days when I’m driving through a storm but now I know I will make it through.  My broken road has been replaced, the top is down, the wind is blowing through my hair and I am on my way to a new beginning!

Do you feel your on the path toward healing?  Please share in the comments section below.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

12/9/12

Related Links/Blogs

Broken Road, Rascal Flatts

Vision Keeper – Moving Forward

To Walk Far, Carry Less

Moving Forward!

 

Watering the Soul


I have recently discovered that it may be time to “water my soul”.  In many of my earlier posts I talked a lot about ways to deal with emotions that come from surviving a loss.  I’m referring to ALL of the emotions, good and bad.  With the recent loss of our family dog I have discovered that there are some emotional left over’s that need to be dealt with.  I tried writing my thoughts, talking with friends, and though those were good outlets, I just was not getting what I needed to do a full on emotional purge.  So….I bit the bullet…..and found myself in a counselor’s office.

 The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.  ~John Vance Cheney

One will never really know when they are fully recovered and some may never be.  It took the opening of a new wound to see that I still have some  that need healing.  Some may think that if they are not obsessing over their loss, then the wounds are gone, that is not necessarily true.  The wounds will always be a part of us, and there are some circumstances that may cause them to resurface, like another loss.

 Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.  ~Albert Smith

When I made the decision I wasn’t sure how this was going to go.   I didn’t know if I really wanted to take myself back to the beginning of what I went through.   As I dialed the phone number my hands were shaking and I was already fearing that this appointment would require giving the counselor a full report of the past two years.  I was very vague on the phone and at first I was asking stupid questions like “how many counselors are in your group?”, and “do you have hours on the weekends?”.  I was stalling and it took a 20 minute phone call before I finally scheduled the time.

Five days later, I ventured out for what I thought would be a horrible experience.  I sat in the car for a few minutes thinking about why I had made the appointment, yes it was primarily because of the loss of my dog, but I felt there may be more than that.  Maybe I still needed to heal some old wounds.  I wanted to doubt myself and run.  Instead, I squashed those feelings and gave credit for realizing that this was something I definitely needed and it was going to be something I could benefit from.

I watered, and watered  my soul with tears like there was no tomorrow!  I am not afraid to say that I am still a little broken but who isn’t?  It takes courage to admit and face it and I am so glad I have. Suffering loss be it a spouse, parent,  pet, or friend will leave a permanent scar.  It does not matter how many seconds, minutes, hours, days or years pass, the wound will be there.  In order for us to heal those scars our job is to be able to recognize when it is time to add a little more water to the soul.  Tears are healing, with each drop we add a little more antiseptic to pain.  

   Tears are God’s gift to us.  Our holy water.  They heal us as they flow.

                                  ~Rita Schiano, Sweet Bitter Love, 1997,  published by The Reed Edwards Company

Feeling the way I did when I left that appointment, I have no fears about re visiting  those old painful issues.  I will again come out a survivor.  I lived it, it is part of me and I recognize that I need to use what I went through as a tool to discovering who I am and what I am meant to be.  I know that when I do, I am furthering the healing process which will ultimately lead to my happiness.

I fully encourage anyone who feels a struggle with loss to sit and talk and let the tears water the soul.  The soul is our core, it is how we feel, think, act and react.  It is important that we keep that area healthy if we are to achieve greatness and be truly happy in our lives.

 Every tear should live its purpose.  Don’t ever wipe the reason away.  ~Jessica Simpson (2009 tweet)

How have you found comfort with talking about old wounds in the hopes of continuing on your healing journey?  Please share in the comments section.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

10/21/12

RELATED BLOGS:

Caught by Grace- Through the Tears

Meanwhile Melody Muses

Soul Talk by SB