I have recently discovered that it may be time to “water my soul”. In many of my earlier posts I talked a lot about ways to deal with emotions that come from surviving a loss. I’m referring to ALL of the emotions, good and bad. With the recent loss of our family dog I have discovered that there are some emotional left over’s that need to be dealt with. I tried writing my thoughts, talking with friends, and though those were good outlets, I just was not getting what I needed to do a full on emotional purge. So….I bit the bullet…..and found myself in a counselor’s office.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~John Vance Cheney
One will never really know when they are fully recovered and some may never be. It took the opening of a new wound to see that I still have some that need healing. Some may think that if they are not obsessing over their loss, then the wounds are gone, that is not necessarily true. The wounds will always be a part of us, and there are some circumstances that may cause them to resurface, like another loss.
Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it. ~Albert Smith
When I made the decision I wasn’t sure how this was going to go. I didn’t know if I really wanted to take myself back to the beginning of what I went through. As I dialed the phone number my hands were shaking and I was already fearing that this appointment would require giving the counselor a full report of the past two years. I was very vague on the phone and at first I was asking stupid questions like “how many counselors are in your group?”, and “do you have hours on the weekends?”. I was stalling and it took a 20 minute phone call before I finally scheduled the time.
Five days later, I ventured out for what I thought would be a horrible experience. I sat in the car for a few minutes thinking about why I had made the appointment, yes it was primarily because of the loss of my dog, but I felt there may be more than that. Maybe I still needed to heal some old wounds. I wanted to doubt myself and run. Instead, I squashed those feelings and gave credit for realizing that this was something I definitely needed and it was going to be something I could benefit from.
I watered, and watered my soul with tears like there was no tomorrow! I am not afraid to say that I am still a little broken but who isn’t? It takes courage to admit and face it and I am so glad I have. Suffering loss be it a spouse, parent, pet, or friend will leave a permanent scar. It does not matter how many seconds, minutes, hours, days or years pass, the wound will be there. In order for us to heal those scars our job is to be able to recognize when it is time to add a little more water to the soul. Tears are healing, with each drop we add a little more antiseptic to pain.
Tears are God’s gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow.
~Rita Schiano, Sweet Bitter Love, 1997, published by The Reed Edwards Company
Feeling the way I did when I left that appointment, I have no fears about re visiting those old painful issues. I will again come out a survivor. I lived it, it is part of me and I recognize that I need to use what I went through as a tool to discovering who I am and what I am meant to be. I know that when I do, I am furthering the healing process which will ultimately lead to my happiness.
I fully encourage anyone who feels a struggle with loss to sit and talk and let the tears water the soul. The soul is our core, it is how we feel, think, act and react. It is important that we keep that area healthy if we are to achieve greatness and be truly happy in our lives.
Every tear should live its purpose. Don’t ever wipe the reason away. ~Jessica Simpson (2009 tweet)
How have you found comfort with talking about old wounds in the hopes of continuing on your healing journey? Please share in the comments section.