Tag: motivational

What If?

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

A lot of times when we go through change or a hard time in our lives we sometimes wonder “what if”?  Just last week a face book friend posed the question “if you could go back and change something what would it be?”  I honestly said nothing!  Even though times have been hard recently and there are some things I have gone through that I wish I hadn’t, those things have made me who I am today.   I’m a firm believer of everything happens for a reason but when you are in the thick of things those reasons are sometimes hard to see.  My reasons are my kids I could not imagine life without them and I know that they are here because of the decisions I have made in my life and I would not change a thing.  I know I’m not alone in feeling that way, most of us who have been through a life changing event can say exactly what the reason is, but deep down we will all wonder…what if?

My “what if'” thoughts lately have been:  What if I had found out about things sooner?  I wonder what life would have been like being single several years ago.   Where would I be? What would I be? Who would I know?   There is a lot that has happened over the past two weeks that I never imagined would’ve taken place in my life but it did and I have to face it.  Sometimes “facing it” is the hard part.  I’m seeing that now.  I had been able to “face” the divorce, the move, the job, the new surroundings but for some reason “facing” the event of my ex making his new life official has been really hard on me.

I’ve been on a roller coaster of sorts lately with my emotions which is not like me.   Usually I can find where I’m at and move past it, but for some reason this “event” has a hold on me.  Our relationship ended with our divorce but I fee like I’m going through it all over again.  I have to admit  that sucks!  Going through it once was enough but having these emotions again has forced me to really stop and think about things.  Am I where I want to be? Am I what I want to be?  Do I know who I want to know?

My answer is YES.  I know I will continue to have moments of sadness and will most likely shed many more tears but even so I am right where I am supposed to be.  I love my job, I love my relationship with my kids, I love where I am living, and I love the people who have entered my life because of what I went through.  Would I have chosen the bad things to have happened in my life?  No, but I would not go back and change any of it because without all of the negative I would not have the positive that I have today.

We will always wonder “what If” but what matters most is “what Is”

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/1/12

GUMPTION….silly word? I think NOT!

Published on by Kimberly Novak1 Comment

The past few weeks for me have been  a roller coaster ride.  I’ve had days when I’ve felt fantastic but then I also had a few days that were quite the opposite.  Yesterday I had about three different things that I wanted to blog about but I was not able to find a way to get out what it was I needed to say, so I decided not to write.   Then today happened.

I heard the word “gumption” at least four times.  That is not a word that is used frequently and I honestly had no idea what it meant but for some reason it stayed with me all day.  I ended up writing it down on a sticky note which is normally what I do when I want to write about something.    I finished my day and headed home to add the sticky note to my collection and I was very surprised to see there was one already there.  Apparently that word has struck me before I just never took the time to write about it.

The first thing I did was look up the meaning, Gumption:  initiative, courage, spunk.    I was disappointed once I knew what the word meant because at that moment there was no reason for me to blog about it.  My emotions had been so scattered lately, I didn’t feel I possessed any of these qualities.

Of the three descriptive words that define gumption, tonight I need to focus on courage.   Now that my ex has officially moved on I knew at some point there would come a time when I would be required to be at the same place at the same time with everyone.  It would not have mattered if it was two weeks or two years later; I knew I needed to handle it with courage.   I took the initiative and made sure I had supportive people with me during the evening and that helped a great deal.   I will admit I was very nervous even sick to my stomach once I arrived so I immediately began to focus on why I was there, not on who was there.  It was not easy to do so but  I gave 100% of my attention to the reason for being there and did not allow my thoughts to move in a negative direction.   No matter how hard I tried not to be upset there was a point when I really wanted to click my heels and say “there’s no place like home”  then I remembered about the cowardly lion.  I kept thinking about that all night, I sat and repeated the word Courage, Courage, Courage.  I knew if I was going to survive the night it would be courage that got me through.

I am very proud to say that because of my courage I did get through and I was able to enjoy the night, but it was after I left when I needed courage the most.  I did not realize at the time that all that focusing and being courageous was also suppressing what I was feeling.  Once I left and was alone I crumbled.  I sat quietly for a little bit and let it all out.  I was so fearful that I will feel like this each time I am put in this situation and I know that it will be happening often.  As of tonight, I’m not quite sure how I will be the next time around.  I know that this too shall pass and eventually being in the same room with everyone will become easier.  I decided that tonight was not the night to sit and worry about the next time, so I reminded myself that the tears I have  are healing and that what I did took a ton of courage.  That’s when I remembered about the word “gumption”.  I had been thinking about that word all day and wondering how I could relate to it and then boom!  Tonight happened; I endured it and I survived it!  The next time you hear a “silly” word take a second to look up the meaning and you may be surprised how it will fit into your life when you least expect it.

Kimberly

courageous butterfly 3/31/12

Me & My Teddy

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

I thought it was time for a fun post since the last few have been quite serious.  I was having a conversation with a friend last night and the subject of teddy bear’s came up.  I happen to be proud of the fact that as a 42-year-old woman I still sleep with a teddy bear.  Some laugh and other’s judge but what matters to me is the comfort that little bear gives.

 I’ve been sleeping with stuffed animals since I can remember.  I’ve had a few favorites over the years, most recently is my guy Chuck.  Chuck was given to me by my son and a very good friend of ours.  I was having a bad day, feeling under the weather and they came back from Six Flags with it as a gift for me.  I really needed the comfort that bear provided me that day and he has become a part of my life.  No matter where I am sleeping he is with me.  I’ve taken  him on vacation, to my mom’s and even to the hospital when I had surgery.   A year ago I took him to an overnight retreat.  I was absolutely fine with the fact I would be sleeping on a cot in front of 50 strangers cuddling my bear, however my sis was not.  When I pulled him out of my bag she shot me a look!  I quickly said to her “do not judge me”, she smiled and laughed and I was content in knowing that when bedtime came I would be secure.  I will admit at times I go a little overboard, like purchasing him clothing, or the cutest pair of scrubs when we were in the hospital, but as long as I feel comforted that’s what is important.

chuck in the hospital

I’m sure we can all look back on times in our lives when we needed comfort.  And if we look back to our childhood, other than our parents where did we turn?  I bet during the night in a storm you reached out for your teddy bear just as I did.  Or maybe it was a doll or a blanket, either way it was an object that provided you with a secure feeling.

Chuck in Phoenix airport on the way to Hawaii

Sometimes our friends or family are not able to physically be there for us in a time of need and not all of us have pets that we can cuddle.   Comfort food can be harmful to our health so the second best thing is a teddy bear.  I’m not saying you have to go out and purchase a stuffed animal today, I just want to reassure any of you out there that still has yours nearby to embrace it without being embarrassed.  Take the time to hug it and love it because it will always be there for you 100%.

I invite you to reply with a pic of your teddy bear and share your comfort with others!



Kimberly


Courageous Butterfly


3/28/12