Tag: memories

Unguarded Heart

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

Protecting  someone or something is a natural instinct.  We’ve all been in a situation where we needed to protect a friend, child, or family member and we’ve even seen footage of wild animals protecting their young.  So if we have this natural instinct to protect then why is it so hard to know whether or not we should be protecting or guarding our hearts?

What is the heart? If you look it up in Google, it is referred to as the following:

1.  A hollow pump-like organ

2. The center of the total personality

3. The center of emotion

4.  Capacity for feeling.

I’m sure I”m not the only one to notice that the very first definition that comes up on any search engine is “a hollow pump-like organ”.  Most of us believe that this is the place where we store emotion, joy, sadness, any feeling we can possibly feel.  When in reality those feelings technically come from our brains.  If  you stop to think about it though something has to send the signal to our brain in order for us to have those feelings.  I like to think the heart is the culprit.    I had a hard time accepting that the heart started out as a hollow organ.  There had to be some sort of emotion or feeling stored in there at the moment of birth.  Then I looked at the other definitions and they made more sense to me.   I would much rather believe that when we are born our heart is filled with the capacity to feel and as we grow we use that capacity and center to develop our personalities.

If you look into the eyes of a newborn baby you can see the love in their hearts and as they grow their personality develops.  Based on this principle I disagree with the first definition of the hollow organ.  Yes I know medically speaking the organ is described that way because it does not contain anything, it is just a vessel.  Well, non-medically speaking it contains a hell of a lot!

We hold everything in our hearts and what is in our heart determines how we live our lives.  It doesn’t matter what we are suffering from if we hold that  in  it will continue to have a negative effect on our lives.  It’s not easy to let things go and move on but it is so important for our well-being not to hold onto the pain.  I”m not healed 100% just yet but, I have noticed that the days I can say I’m ok with everything are so much more productive in my life.  I’ve had to do a “clean sweep” of my heart on many occasions over the past couple of years but it was always necessary.  By “clean sweep” I mean taking the time to think and focus on how that pain was affecting my daily life.  I found that by keeping the painful feelings so close it was only going to bring me down and I would never move forward.  I still have some days where it tries to creep back in and those are the days I stand up and fight!
Our hearts will also hold happiness and there is a lot of room in there for that!  We start out in life full of happiness and somewhere along the road things happen and  that space can be taken up by grief, sadness and sorrow.  Any type of  loss can destroy the heart no matter what the circumstances are and having the courage to put yourself out there again is terrifying.  No one who has been through those feelings want to go through them again and many of us decide to close off the heart and not take the risk.  I wonder though, are we doing more damage by being so guarded?  Some of you know that I made the choice recently to go in unguarded and no matter how it ends up, I will never regret letting my heart feel again.   Each day that I spend with an unguarded heart I am the happiest.  The days that I choose to be protective of it is was when the fear and uncertainty creep back in.  I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m not a fan of feeling fearful or uncertain.  I spent too many years that way and it’s time now to choose not to let my heart fill up with those feelings.


We all have heard the phrase “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”.  I truly believe that;  no matter how much pain or suffering I went through with my divorce.   The beauty behind that phrase is that  it applies to anyone you have loved.  Be it a friendship that didn’t last, a romantic relationship or the passing of a loved one it is all the same.I will continue to be somewhat protective of my “feelings” which are controlled by my brain, rather than being over protective of what I am allowing to pass through my heart.  I know that it has a lot of room, I”m hoping most of that will be for happiness but I also know that there will also be some pain that has to pass through it again as well.  The good thing is I’m ok with that because I have already proven to myself that I can survive the pain that passes through my heart what’s important is that I allow that to happen.  In order to survive it you have to let it pass through, do not choose to hold it in.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/9/12

Getting Out Of The FUNK!

Published on by Kimberly Novak5 Comments

Feeling blue?  Not sure how to get out of that “funky feeling”?  I hear ya!  No matter what may be going on in your life, big or small, it sometimes is very hard to get yourself up and out of  feeling down.  I have to share a quote with you that came from a very good friend of mine this week.    I had been stating how I was feeling at the beginning of this week and my friend said “it’s time to pull yourself up by the bra-straps and let the transformed Kimberly back in”.  Over the past couple of weeks the way I was feeling was allowing my old self, the defeated self to creep back into my life.  I was becoming depressed and very unhappy. My friend knew not to sugar coat the words and tell me point-blank to get out of this mood and continue on the path to renewing who Kimberly is.

I explained that I needed to take a little time just to process the feelings I was having, but I also did need that reminder that if I stay in the “funk” for too long, it could move me backwards.  It’s not easy to think about when we are dealing with emotions that are upsetting but it is so  important that we do.  I was reminded that I have become a stronger person and I cannot let these emotions take that away from me.     Ignoring the emotions we are feeling will not work,  it is important to move through them no matter what the situation is and the key is to know when enough is enough and put that emotion behind you.  If you are dealing with a loss of a loved one,  a marriage, or a relationship you will have many emotions to deal with and you never know when they will pop up.

I’ve been divorced for more than a year and I still have these emotions that pop up and I’m learning how to process them.  The fact that I know I need to process them and move forward is what matters the most.  When you find yourself struggling over an issue, emotion or fear remember to feel it, let it go and move forward.   I made a promise to myself and I encourage you to do so as well.  

“Do NOT let what you have been through defeat you, for if we remain confident in ourselves we will continue to be lifted up”

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/4/12

MEMORIES ARE FOREVER (whether we like it or not!)

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

I’ve been focusing a lot lately on trying to create  NEW memories rather than stew over some old ones that are still too painful to look back on.  One of my most proudest NEW memories that I recently created was purchasing a new car all on my own.   I had been anticipating a very bad day when I awoke on what would’ve been my 21 st wedding anniversary.  I knew that in order to get through that day without being totally depressed I needed to create a substantial memory.  I had been window shopping for cars the few weeks prior and knew that it was time!  I headed to work, then to the dealership and just four short hours later I was the proud owner of a brand new car!  Now when that date rolls around again I will remember how proud I felt that day and that will be my new memory.

Just last week I was sitting at my desk at work and a co-worker came by and said “hello little one”.   I immediately looked at her with a blank stare, I was in shock for that was the pet name my ex had given me when we first started dating.  I had not been called that in a very long time and it caught me off guard.  She noticed the look on my face and was confused.  I took a moment to fill her in and I told her how strange it was to hear someone call me that again.  In that moment I knew I had a choice to make.  I could either feel sad and let it get to me or thank her for bringing that memory to light so that I could put it behind me.   We talked a little while longer and before I knew it we were laughing about it.

A little while later I started thinking about the fact that this was probably just the first of many more memories of my past relationship that were going to pop up unannounced and I had again made myself proud.  I had made the choice to savor that moment share the memory for a minute and let it go.  Making the right choice is huge!  Had I heard her call me that and focused on the sadness I would’ve been left at my desk crying.  Instead, I shared a laugh with her and proved to myself that I can look back for a moment and I will be ok.  It’s the same for any memory, not just the loss of a relationship.  If you have lost a loved one you will also be faced with these memories that will pop up unannounced.  I urge you to make the choice to take just a minute and look back at it, talk about it, laugh about it and you will be on your way to moving forward.

I am no longer afraid of the memories, I know they will always be there.  I will continue to focus on making NEW memories now and that will help to  move me forward in my NEW life!

Courageous Butterfly

3/25/12