I’ve been focusing a lot lately on trying to create  NEW memories rather than stew over some old ones that are still too painful to look back on.  One of my most proudest NEW memories that I recently created was purchasing a new car all on my own.   I had been anticipating a very bad day when I awoke on what would’ve been my 21 st wedding anniversary.  I knew that in order to get through that day without being totally depressed I needed to create a substantial memory.  I had been window shopping for cars the few weeks prior and knew that it was time!  I headed to work, then to the dealership and just four short hours later I was the proud owner of a brand new car!  Now when that date rolls around again I will remember how proud I felt that day and that will be my new memory.

Just last week I was sitting at my desk at work and a co-worker came by and said “hello little one”.   I immediately looked at her with a blank stare, I was in shock for that was the pet name my ex had given me when we first started dating.  I had not been called that in a very long time and it caught me off guard.  She noticed the look on my face and was confused.  I took a moment to fill her in and I told her how strange it was to hear someone call me that again.  In that moment I knew I had a choice to make.  I could either feel sad and let it get to me or thank her for bringing that memory to light so that I could put it behind me.   We talked a little while longer and before I knew it we were laughing about it.

A little while later I started thinking about the fact that this was probably just the first of many more memories of my past relationship that were going to pop up unannounced and I had again made myself proud.  I had made the choice to savor that moment share the memory for a minute and let it go.  Making the right choice is huge!  Had I heard her call me that and focused on the sadness I would’ve been left at my desk crying.  Instead, I shared a laugh with her and proved to myself that I can look back for a moment and I will be ok.  It’s the same for any memory, not just the loss of a relationship.  If you have lost a loved one you will also be faced with these memories that will pop up unannounced.  I urge you to make the choice to take just a minute and look back at it, talk about it, laugh about it and you will be on your way to moving forward.

I am no longer afraid of the memories, I know they will always be there.  I will continue to focus on making NEW memories now and that will help to  move me forward in my NEW life!

Courageous Butterfly

3/25/12