Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within


2 Comments

The Divorce Life Event


infomercial

This was taken 6 years ago…pre-divorce I had just completed a transformation where I was forced to push myself in ways I never thought I could accomplish…but I did it!  And I will continue to grow transformed and renewed in my new life!

If you are a Facebook fan then you are aware of the section where you can choose to post your “life event”.  Most times we see those that are shared for engagements, weddings, and milestone birthdays.  I don’t recall seeing one for divorce, that may fall into the “it’s complicated” category of your status.  Although there is one that says create your own.  I ask you…have you ever seen anyone post their divorce as a life event?

The bigger question is, in today’s society with nearly 45% of marriages failing why isn’t divorce on that list?  Being one of the most difficult life events, to survive I feel it should be recognized.  One of the first three questions on every healthcare form, or job application asks for your marital status and divorce is an option on those forms.

My discussion today in regards to divorce being recognized as a  life event stems directly from this blog.  I took some time to think about why I started this site, what my initial purpose was and is it smart for me to keep it going?  I’ve often wondered if looking back on my past was hindering my healing or moving forward.   I started to reflect on the significance of certain events in life that truly change who you are and the path you were on and placed you somewhere you never thought you would be.  Then I thought about where I might be had that particular life event never happen and I couldn’t see that part of my life.  I closed my eyes and really tried to focus on my past, my marriage and tried to imagine what it would be like today…the mental page was blank.

I was upset at first, but then I sat down and started looking over the comments on this site.  I read so many that started out by saying “thank you for writing this”.  My first post on this site was not my hardest but it was the scariest.  Not knowing how it would be received, would it be helpful to other’s as well as aid in my healing?  Today I am proud to say it has been a very positive experience.  Some posts were very hard and took a lot out of me, but those also seem to be the ones that were most received and helpful to those suffering the same experiences.

I’m a big believer of things happen for a reason, some may not happen the way we want, or how we ever imagined, but there is always going to be a reason.

I will never regret sitting here and typing my thoughts, fears, feelings, and sharing my tears, knowing that I may be offering someone out there a virtual hug, a listening ear, or just a calmness in knowing they are not alone.

So why not celebrate the life event that got me where I am today?  I have a great job, family, a roof over my head and many new friends that were strategically placed on my path because of where my life took me.  I found my passion for writing, which I never would have had the confidence to do without going through that life trial.

Mr. Mark Zuckerberg I would like Divorce to be placed on the Life Event section of Face Book please. (end of relationship doesn’t count).

Do you believe, the greatest trials of this life can also be your mercies in disguise?  Please comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

Related links/posts

Blessings, Laura Story

Facebook

I’m Still Learning, Lessonsfromtheendofamarriage

 

 

 

 

 


3 Comments

Unfortunate Events


Anyone remember the book series?  A series of unfortunate events.  It was a very popular book series when my boys were younger.  My oldest read them on his own then I read them with the younger two.  We all really enjoyed the series until the movie came out.  Sadly, it was not as good as the books and we were all very disappointed.   Sorry Jim Carey.   Each book focused on an unfortunate event that led to a bigger one and then a bigger one and on an on.  Eventually it got to a point where an important decision had to be made.

What exactly is an event?  The dictionary says it is a significant occurrence or happening.  Which means that most of what we go through in life is an event.  Even the little things are significant in our lives.  So what happens when we have a series of negative or unfortunate events?

I’ve had my fair share of big, medium, small, extra-large, extra small, and double extra-large size unfortunate events unfold over the past few years.  I’ve struggled through them with friends, counseling and making changes in my life.  I’ve been moving in a positive direction with my job, friends, and even dating.  Things were going so well until………..Another unfortunate event.

I fell……fell how?  Lost my balance and hit the pavement.  People fall all the time, why is this a significant event in my life?  It’s forced me to ask myself why the fall?  why now?  Why in the midst of my happiness am I being forced to STOP, REST, and THINK?

Anyone see the movie City of Angels?    The angel falls so that he can be human and enjoy all of the senses we do.  He falls so he can smell, taste,  touch, and be able to love.  What a silly angel!  He quickly learns just how painful life can be when we are able to use all of those senses.

During the series of my unfortunate events I’m sure I’ve missed out on a few things.  I have let my emotions get the best of me sometimes and didn’t allow myself to fully enjoy my surroundings.  Even with the divorce aside my life has still been stressful. Trying to adjust to my new lifestyle, living away from the kids, the new job (s), and learning how to be close to someone again.  I’ve adapted to it all but have I really let it all sink in?

If I were to analyze this past week, I’d say my fall is a really good reason to stop and smell the roses.  I need to take a minute and a big deep breath to see if I am where I really need to be.  Now that I’m past the divorce, and somewhat comfortable in my surroundings, it’s time to reflect on the decisions I’ve made.  I no longer have to make any decisions based on what I’m going through.  That is all behind me and I need to focus on the future.    First step is to determine if the fall is in any way related to my other health concerns.  Secondly is to embrace the resting time to really reflect on where I am heading and what makes me happy.

So, was the angel really silly to fall?  I’d say no!  Even though I’ve been through hell and back and have fallen yet again it has made me realize that I was missing out on some of those senses.  I need to close my eyes and really taste the pear, smell the oranges, and feel the fruit in my mouth.  (if you saw the movie you will get that, if not rent the movie!)

I guess the point I”m trying to make is that when you fall no matter what the circumstances are, take the time to really figure out what you are supposed to be doing during your down time.  There is a reason we fall be it just in a slump for a while, fall in love, fall out of love, or literally hit the pavement.  It is a moment in time that will lead to our next event.

I have two to three weeks to embrace my fall and reflect on where I am and why.  I cannot wait to see where I am headed!  I’d love to hear your experiences on how a fall or unfortunate event changed something in your life. Comment below.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

8/30/12