Tag: inspirational

Embracing Loneliness

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

Grayson 1998-2012

 

When I first thought of writing on this topic I had originally titled it Accepting Loneliness.  When I went to sleep last night I was fearful for the coming morning.  It would be the first morning I woke up completely alone since my divorce.  The past 19 months my mornings, evenings and nights have all been spent with mans best friend and early Tuesday morning he went to heaven.

I woke up an hour before my alarm and realized my entire morning routine is now changed.  I was frozen and did not know how I was going to get up and start my day.  I thought about just spending the day in bed and as that thought was crossing my mind my body said differently, I jumped up with a leg cramp.  I was now forced out of bed!

Since the sun was shining I decided to take myself for a walk.  Sneakers went on, I pod ready to go, headphones in.  I set out at first feeling pretty sad but as I walked I realized that I had completed step one to creating a new morning routine.  I did something to get my day started and it was a positive thing.   It gave me time to clear my thoughts and focus on my schedule for the day, all while allowing myself time to listen to my favorite tunes.

Clarity was slowly seeping in and I realized that I have a choice to either accept the feelings of being alone or embrace them.  If I only accept them I”m really not making any positive changes for myself.  My world is now changed whether I like it or not.  The better thing to do would be to embrace it.

I’m content with the fact that today will be rough for me, but I got through the hardest part.  Over the next week or so I can set my routines how I want them.  I am in control of deciding what I will now do with my extra time and I am choosing to spend it being happy in my loneliness.  I figure I”ll play around with a few different changes and see what fits best into my schedule.  I really enjoyed the walk today and when winter hits I have access to an indoor center right across the way.  My morning routine is now set!  

I’m sure I will have waves of sadness, fear, and reluctance along the way, but those are all common feelings when a change is occurring.  Life is all about thriving through change sometimes they are happy changes, and sometimes they are filled with loss, pain and grief.  As I’ve said before in previous blogs, the latter are the ones that we grow through.  Just like the caterpillar  (yes I’m using the reference again!) who grows in her chrysalis, change makes us stronger!

Be all you can be in your loneliness, embrace who you are and live happy!  How have you embraced loneliness or change?  Reply in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

9/19/12

Trusting Intuition

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

This could possibly be one of the most difficult topics I”ve written on in a while.  As a survivor of divorce I will be the first to admit that trusting my intuition is something I had never done.  I was quick to assume that my doubt or feelings of worry were all in my head.  Most times what I was concerned about was something those around me had no idea was going on.  For the few that I had confided in there was no concrete proof.   I made the decision to look my intuition in the eye and just shake my head in wonder.

Since the divorce I have gone through a lot of emotional changes but this one I was unaware of until recently.  This past weekend my intuition paid a visit.  I was very surprised when it had arrived, as I had resolved a long time ago that our relationship had ended.  I was faced with a dilemma and instead of shying away from the feelings that were invading my gut I chose to act on them.  In doing so I was able to find the proof I needed to ease my wonder and solved the case!

I had a brief moment of fear creep in when I was going through all of the possibilities of what may or may not have transpired.  The most important of all of those feelings was that they were the SAME feelings I felt all those times in my  marriage when my intuition was trying to tell me something.   I even had the sickness in my stomach, which surprised me because the weekend event itself was not that upsetting.  It was not something I would hope would happen, but it was not life changing.  I’m glad though that I was able to have a mild reason to be able to learn to trust my intuition again.  This way the next time I am faced with something more serious, I will be more than ready.

I was happy, confident, and even gloated just a little bit.  I felt like I could really begin a new relationship with myself, my emotions, and what goes on in my silly little mind.  I had proven to myself that if I just take the time to think  and act on my feelings I can get to the bottom of things.

Then a switch was flipped.  As I stated this instance was an easy one.  The outcome that I was trusting in was not life changing like the divorce was.  I started to question whether or not I could trust my intuition if the stakes were higher.  We don’t know how we are going to react to any given situation.  If we can’t trust our own thoughts or feelings then I believe we won’t have trust in anyone or anything.  All situations come with doubt, even the good ones.  Deciphering between a feeling of doubt and an uneasy feeling is the hard part.

If something is making you uneasy then it is probably a good idea to get to the bottom of it.  Those uneasy feelings will only lead to more serious conditions.  Here is my take on it.  Feelings of doubt usually will go away after some consideration, advice gathering, reflection and prayer.  When  you are uneasy about something and your body is screaming at you, it is probably a good idea to listen to it.  If you immediately know the answer without having to guess; you have that feeling that you are correct;  something is pulling at your gut telling you this is how it is.  These are the times when you trust your intuition, your mind, and your body.

Trusting in what your body is telling you about the situation is not an easy task.  It will take practice, but most of all it will take a willingness on your part to face the outcome, good or bad.   A natural reaction in these situations is to ignore it.  We like to tell ourselves it will all work itself out. I have found there is a downside to that.  I spent many years telling myself those exact words instead of listening to my gut, and in turn had more difficulty when it did come time to face it.

This past weekend was a gentle reminder of what I am capable of when it comes to trusting in myself.  Just a day or so after this revelation I am faced with yet another circumstance this one is proving to be more challenging.  I have faith in myself that I will once again be able to trust my intuition and act accordingly.

During a significant life changing event we sometimes lose sight of the fact that we are really in tune with our emotions.  Sometimes we just need a little nudge to get us restarted again.  Is there a time when your intuition was screaming at you?  Please leave a comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

9/5/12

 

 

Little Imperfections

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

I bought a new dress!!  When I tried it on in the store I thought it looked great.  I even asked another shopper what she thought and she told me it was a keeper!  I went to the event today with a somewhat moderate level of self-esteem thinking I looked halfway decent.  The dress fit me well, and I felt it hid any imperfections that I was not willing to show.  Well, to my surprise I received this comment

” Wow, that dress looks great on you, it really shows off your curves.”  The only word I heard was “curves”.

My initial reaction was that this person has just told me that the dress makes me look fat!  Ya, I know just like a woman to think that way.  I thought I had picked a dress that hid all of that.   I’m sure that’s not what she meant when she said the word curves.  I was looking at myself through my eyes, not hers.  I wonder if I took a moment to see myself through her eyes would I see the same beauty in the dress?  That got me thinking.  If we take the time to hide our physical imperfections under our clothing, what else are we hiding?  Maybe the physical things we see as imperfections, do not look that way to someone else.  In turn, maybe any emotional imperfections we are keeping held in would be more beneficial if we let them out.

This is going to sound silly since I type out all of my feelings into this blog, but I have to say I am guilty of holding in those emotional imperfections that I don’t want other’s to know about.  Take for instance when I first started seeing my counselor. I would intentionally withhold information just because I didn’t want him to see what was really going on inside.  It’s no different from hiding extra bumps and bulges under our clothing.

We hold things in because we are afraid of the reactions of those around us.  I held in a lot during the divorce because I needed to maintain the image of strength around my family and most of all my kids.  As I look back now though I’m wondering if I did them more harm than good?  I say that because once the divorce was over, and I no longer felt the need to stay strong, they kind of saw the emotional side all at once.  If I put that into the perspective of showing any physical imperfections all at once it makes me shudder!

So how do we train ourselves to be able to share those imperfections with other’s?  I’m still in the process of that myself.  As far as the physical side goes, the end of a relationship will literally demolish your self-esteem.  Now that I am dating that is slowly coming back but it has not been easy.  As for the emotional imperfections, the outlet of this blog has helped me immensely!

There are other ways to be comfortable with our little imperfections.   I highly recommend keeping a journal, talking with someone you can trust, mediation and prayer.  As far as the physical side goes, I think I looked darn good in that dress and I can now say that since it shows my curves I guess I have set them free. Exercising in a group is always helpful when we are trying to hide.  There is more support in a group setting and having someone to celebrate your goals with is always a plus.

I’d love for you to share how you have freed yourself from your little imperfections by allowing other’s into your heart.  Please comment below.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 8/5/12