inspirational – Page 12 – Out of the Chrysalis

Falling Into Place

Published on August 11, 2013 by Kimberly Novak5 Comments

Tough Decisions Ahead Road Sign Remember that age-old question that we were all asked when upon high school graduation and even during some job interviews? “Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20, 25…years?” I totally answered mine wrong, if we were graded on that I would’ve flunked out! Thank goodness those hopes and aspirations are not written in stone, therefore we can change them any time we want! But when we are forced to change them, that’s when it get’s tricky.

At this point in my life I am supposed to be happily married enjoying the last of the teen years with my children, and getting ready to prepare for empty nest syndrome. I am clearly not where I planned to be! During my divorce I often found myself in the “crystal ball” moment. Saying things like ” if only I could see what was coming”. I think we all feel that sometimes, if we could see the path ahead we may make our decisions differently.

Those of us that are divorced, or have lost someone near to us never imagined we would be where we are today and coping with it takes patience, perseverance, hope, faith, strength, and most of all courage. There have been a lot of decisions I’ve had to make over the past two and a half years and not knowing if I was making them correctly was very stressful. I had no idea how one decision would lead to another, and so on.

In the heat of the moment right on divorce day, I made a decision that has caused, stress, financial strain and fear; surprisingly lately happiness. Had I been asked that same question again after the divorce I still would have gotten it wrong! Survivors of loss most often fear change for the rest of their lives because the change we faced was so painful for us; the change that came from my decision was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do since the divorce.

Tonight a little light was shined on my path and I am now finally starting to see that even though I would never have thought this is where I would be, things are actually starting to fall into place. Perhaps I am on the path that I am supposed to be on. Ironically, I had been pathlight working on a literal path just yesterday right in the place that I thought I’d never be. Here I am and I’m a survivor! I didn’t know it was happening but I have embraced this very difficult change, faced it head on and I am rocking it! It is becoming clear that just because I thought I made the wrong decision, doesn’t make it wrong. It may just mean that the purpose I thought it was supposed to fill in my life was not what I envisioned.

I am where I am today because that is right where I am meant to be, and I will have many more decisions in the future that are connected with this big one.

If there is one tip I can pass along on this subject, it is to trust yourself, even if you think you are making the wrong decision it may actually be the right one down the line. And also realize that you never know who you are going to need in your life or how you are going to need them. Keep those that love you close by you so that when you are in a low moment or are ready to celebrate the happy ones they will be there to share in them with you.

Tonight I can see that my initial decision was so hard for me to make because deep down I must have known that it would impact my life for a very long time.

Is there a decision you made during your struggle, that will be connected to the next? Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

A Fish Out Of Water

Published on July 21, 2013 by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

Stop the presses!!! Hold the phone!!! Pause Please!!!

3309237-fish-and-fauna-under-water Did you know that a fish has no idea it is in water? That’s where it spends every moment of its life and it has no idea that it is moving in water. It cannot see it, smell it, taste it, all it knows is that is the environment in which it lives and if it is taken from that, the breathing stops. A setting that is sounding all too familiar for me.

I had a light bulb go off right above my head just a few moments ago and it was so bright I sat right down at my laptop and starting clicking away. This may sound similar to some of you who have been dealing with loss and emotional pain. I have been spending day after day for the past two years trying to overcome and cope with the loss I suffered. I’ve been going about my day living in my new environment just like a little fish. Imagine for a moment a gold-fish very accustomed to her cute little bowl and one day her world changes. She is forced to move to unfamiliar territory with new fish and plastic plants. She is frightened but because she is still in water, she is still breathing. Being a shy fish she keeps to herself as if she were still in her little bowl. She goes about her days thinking she is ok because she is breathing, no one around her knows that inside her mind she is drowning in her own thoughts. She makes the most of it but never seems to be able to get anywhere, her mind has taken over. Day’s begin to blur into nights and before long she has lost herself. She has adapted to her surroundings, her new life, but is she still living? As long as she has her water she is, but remember….she doesn’t know she is in water!

I am going to become very brave here and admit that I may have been drowning. I have been hiding within myself thinking it was what I was supposed to do. I’m grieving, I’m healing but I am NOT living! Now I didn’t lock myself up in my home and board up the window’s but I may as well have. I was still breathing, so I just figured I was living. On the surface it looked that way, I go to work flash a few smiles, play with the puppy and giggle a little, watch some tv, do a little reading. What has changed? I’m still going about my day to day activities. But what would happen if someone took away my air? Just like the fish who doesn’t know she is in water, as we are grieving and healing, we can’t see if we are not living. live

I went out this afternoon and spent some time with a group of fabulous women and I was a little upset with myself at first because I was quiet, reserved, arguing with my mind. “They all know your divorced”, “They can tell your single”, “Just don’t talk maybe no one will notice you are the only one in the room not wearing a ring”. It took a good 30 minutes of listening to this crap from inside my head before I loosened up and finally freed mysef from my own mind! I slammed the door shut, and didn’t listen to another word it had to say. Instead I found myself in the moment. Laughing at jokes, enjoying conversation, food, and even touch. I let every sense live, breathe and take in what I had been missing out on for so long; for the first time in a long time I chose life over my thoughts.

Scary you ask? Oh ya, but what was horrifying was knowing that I have been keeping myself locked up for so long when I didn’t have to. The afternoon went very pleasantly, I left with a smile on my face and it was one that I haven’t seen in a very long time. It motivated me and I have been a very different lady today. I think I can finally look in the mirror at myself and say “you’re ok”.

I had shut myself off. It’s as if on divorce day someone hit the off switch and I lost it along the way. It took a simple little Sunday afternoon ladies lunch to find it and turn it on. I want the light in me to never go out again, I like it bright and the brighter the better!

Ladies/Gent’s, let your lights continue to shine, do not turn yourself off and if you already have, seek out friends and loved ones to remind you of the light that is within you so that you too can turn it on again.

Do you have a similar story? Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

7/21/13

don’t panic

Published on March 17, 2013 by Kimberly Novak6 Comments

dream-butterfly The caterpillar has just realized that she is trapped in her cocoon until she is ready and strong enough to fly on her own. What do you think is going through her mind? I’d like to think she is calm, relaxed, and reflecting on what her future will be like once she is transformed. Perhaps she closes her eyes and in a calm voice whispers to herself, “don’t panic”.

They are only two little words, 8 letters in total but when I speak them or hear them there is no calm in my voice. Recently after a Chinese dinner I opened a fortune cookie. I’m usually very excited to see what lies ahead, but this time when I read those two little words my pulse began to race. All I could think of was why? Why should I not panic? What do I have coming that I will want to or need to panic, and how long to these Chinese fortunes last?

Life is full of bumps along the road and hills to climb and panicking through them will only make it harder to survive. I thought about the past few years and wondered if there were any situations where I did panic, and I was able to think of a few. When I look back on them now I can see that being in a panic mode did not really help me to resolve anything. Then I looked even further back into my marriage, to an incident that if I would have processed it correctly, I would have seen what was happening then, instead of six years later.

When we panic we over-anticipate things which can make it look to us like we are over reacting. That is what happened to me. Instead of calmly looking at the situation one piece of evidence at a time and focusing on the facts and what I was seeing, I panicked. I went into a OMG mode and I missed clues, over looked facts, and ultimately that led me blindly into the false explanation that I would soon accept as truth. Those emotions can cause you to look at things irrationally and at times you may even become fearful and hysterical. I had immediately imagined the worst but because I was in that rushed surge of emotions, I convinced myself that I was wrong. The emotions that panicking brought out of me were crazy, therefore I discounted it all. Since then I have learned to trust my gut feelings and I know now that if I want to really hear them and feel them I have to go through difficult situations in a calm manner.

I can’t go back and change that moment but I can certainly learn from it. I can let that moment go and make sure that in the future I pause before reacting. Storms come and go in our lives just like in the weather. At times we get a warning and other times they just drop out of the sky. It is important that we have our emergency response system working properly. At the first sign of trouble, or when the first dark cloud rolls in….pause….take a deep breath and whisper “don’t panic”, I’ve got this. Then try to focus on the facts and what you need to do in order to grow, change, or move forward out of the storm. Learn what ever life lessons are coming from it, accept any changes, and take pride in knowing that you have survived it. As the storm passes, spread your wings and soar! z_p18-The-butterfly

I do not even want to imagine how many dizzy butterflies there would be if every caterpillar went into a OMG panic mode when they emerged from their cocoon. Don’t be a dizzy butterfly….take a deep breath….close your eyes…..and whisper “don’t panic”.

Have you panicked and it altered your reasoning? Please share in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

3/17/13

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