Tag: getting on with life

Road Trip!

Published on by Kimberly Novak1 Comment

road_tripsIt’s time for a road trip! I am now ready to look at life through the windshield, no longer looking in the rear view mirror, and this time I am traveling light!

No more carrying around unnecessary suitcases that were once filled with doubt, regret, failure, defeat, and pain.   I have one bag that will hold, love, laughter, joy, faith, hope, confidence, strength and determination.  Now, I know life is not going to be perfect and I will hit a few speed bumps along the way, and there is room in my bag for those events; however, they will only be passing by and not invited to stay.

Two years ago today I reluctantly began a new journey.  I was sad, confused, hurt, and defeated.  Anticipating how I may be feeling about it all, I did not sleep well last night.  I was afraid of waking up today and having those feelings back just because it was an anniversary.  I am PROUD to say that I survived and kept it a completely tear free day.  Instead of focusing on what I went through and why today was going to be so hard, I focused on what is ahead; yet to come; surprises that await me; new beginnings; fun; excitement; love; hope; and dreams.

I spent the day being thankful that I am where I am after the struggle I endured.  I’m thankful for the lesson’s I learned, and even thankful for the tears I cried.  It was within those tears that I was healing.  I’m thankful that I was given the chance to begin again, find out who I am and what I’m all about.  I still have my moments, fears, and also discovering some scars that were left behind, as I wrote about in my last post.  But I’m ok with that, it’s part of the healing and transformation that I am making.  Even though I’m still 4 ft 11″, I feel like I have grown through this experience.  Today I stand on my tip toes and embrace the new me!

Loss is horrible, but when you can see what you have learned from the process…it’s AMAZING!  The most important value I have learned so far is not to live in the past.  Keep your eyes forward.  Only you are behind the wheel of your life, you make the choice to keep moving forward, or to detour back to the past.  Maintaining a steady cruise seems like the best way to travel.  Speeding through can bring feelings of fear or doubt.  When this happens, take a deep breath, reflect and make sure it’s the path you want to be on.broken-road

My windshield is looking pretty awesome right now.   The road I’ve been traveling on has led me to some pretty fantastic places, and brought wonderful people into my life.  It’s not all going to be sunny skies, there will be days when I’m driving through a storm but now I know I will make it through.  My broken road has been replaced, the top is down, the wind is blowing through my hair and I am on my way to a new beginning!

Do you feel your on the path toward healing?  Please share in the comments section below.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

12/9/12

Related Links/Blogs

Broken Road, Rascal Flatts

Vision Keeper – Moving Forward

To Walk Far, Carry Less

Moving Forward!

 

Finding Battle Scars

Published on by Kimberly Novak6 Comments

every-scarLet’s start with the definition of  SCAR: a  mark left by a healed wound; a lasting after effect of trouble;  a lingering sign of damage or injury.

Today I spent approximately 30 minutes with a total stranger, who in a subtle way, pointed out that I have some pretty serious battle scars.  I did not share any details of my divorce, only that I had gone through on.   With  the perception or stigma of a “divorce” the conclusion was reached that I have changed the way I deal with certain situations.

I’ve been dealing with some health issues for almost a year now and was seeking another opinion.  I was described very politely as being pragmatic and not accepting of the fact that I’ve been left without a diagnosis.   The phrase used was “you do not want to be left in limbo”.  I had to let that simmer for most of the afternoon but when I really started to think about it, I realized it is the truth.

I survived something pretty horrible and my wounds have healed, but as a wound heals sometimes a scar is left.  Depending on the severity of the wound some scars will be very visible and other’ s may be hard to find.  Obviously this particular scar was pretty evident I just needed someone to point it out.

At this point in my healing, I can relate most to my scar as the after effect of trouble.  There were a lot of  pretty big unknowns during the course of my divorce and it took almost two years before I had an answer to any of them.  It was just as described today, living in limbo; that is a pretty deep scar.

Now that I am in control of what is happening in my life, I cannot find comfort in the fact that there have been no answers in relation to my health concerns.  At first I thought it was a polite way of telling me I’m being impatient and I need to just chill out and let them do their job.  Then I took some time to reflect on it and it makes a lot of sense.

It’s almost like a post traumatic stress symptom.  During my battle I had little control over what was happening and never knew which way things were going to turn.  That was a very long period of time to spend in limbo and now unbeknownst to me, I’ve found myself there again.  Lucky for me this situation is very different because the people I’m working with are working for me, instead of against me.  I am confident that because we are working together we will resolve these issues and I will continue to move forward.

free to flyAs I am still getting to know the new woman I’ve become, I am learning to be grateful for the little lessons along the way.  Now I know what persistence means to me.  It means that I am refusing to be left in limbo and I am hoping it becomes a good trait to have.  As long as I am persistent in the right things and go about it in the right way I think I’ll do alright.  I like to think I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I”m in.  I may have scars but just because I had been broken, does not mean I cannot fly.

Have you found any battle scars?  Please share in the comment section.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

11/30/12

 

 

A bigger life….The Butterfly Life

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

Did you ever wonder what would happen if the storm you were living in suddenly began to subside?  Our storms of life have to eventually come to an end just as the recent “Perfect Storm” did.  It came in with a vengeance, ripping apart homes, cars, leaving people stranded and without power. In the blink of an eye it left a path of destruction and was gone.  I think a lot of us can compare our personal struggles with that very storm.

Some were prepared and other’s decided against fleeing their homes; forecasts were predicting what was to come, however other’s chose not to head the warning.   The storm left a definite path of destruction and  some scars that will take time to heal.  That is no different from what I went through in  MY storm.  I can continue comparing the destructive path of that storm with the destruction that my divorce left, OR I can focus on the strength and courage I gained while riding out the storm and where it has gotten me today.

I guarantee you that anyone who was in the eye of the recent weather will someday tell their story of strength, courage, and will to live.  It is very easy to lose sight of those things when you are living through or grieving over something terrible that happened.  It is usually not clear to those suffering that during the phases of grieving they are really growing and beginning their transformation.  I’ve seen signs along they way that I was healing but at times I still lacked the confidence that I was truly on a path toward my future.  Recently I was asked where I am in my grieving process and I had to stop and think.  I was surprised at how long it took me to reach an answer.  When I finally got it and spoke it out loud I did it with a smile on my face.  Sounds odd I know, but it showed me how strong I really have become.    At this point in my process I am in the “snap my fingers Hell No phase”! The “why did that person think they could do that to me?” phase.  I felt as strong as ever when I answered that question, along with feelings of hope that I am that much closer to having the wound healed.

It’s amazing, all I needed was one simple question to make me see the path I am currently on, the path to my future.  Just as the caterpillar when it breaks free from the cocoon realizes that it is on its way to a bigger life, the butterfly life.  I like to think that I am just beginning my butterfly life.  I can honestly say for the first time in a long time that I am HAPPY.  I can see possibilities ahead.  I know life is not perfect and I”m sure I will come up against a few rain showers here and there, but I’ve survived the “Perfect Storm”, I can survive anything after that.

I am ready to discover all of the capabilities that my new path has to offer.  I know what it feels like to be in the eye of the storm and cling to hope.  I also know what it feels like when the storm takes a horrible turn.  If I am faced with a storm again I will always chose hope rather than focusing on how bad the storm can get.  It is the hope that has gotten me where I am today.

Do you have a story of hope you can share?  Respond in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 11/1/12

Related photos:

Storm Survivor

Related Blogs:

Surviving the Perfect Storm

The Storms of Life