Tag: feelings

Ready to F.L.Y.

Published on by Kimberly Novak1 Comment

 

party hornsA new year is on the horizon and during this time many of us take a moment or two to look back on the past year and ask ourselves questions like “Did I set out to do what I had planned?”  ” Did I make the most of the past year?”  ” Was I true to myself?”  The list can go on and on.  I know I’ve written about looking ahead to the future and not dwelling on the past, but in this instance it is acceptable to reflect on what 2012 has meant to you.

I recently received a comment on an older blog post and when I re-read what I had written some months ago it brought tears to my eyes, just as the day I wrote it.  During this moment I decided to read a few more of the older posts to see what kind of reaction I would have.  In reading I was reminded of  what I was carrying with me at the time I wrote each individual article.  Some gave me an initial reaction of thank God I survived that!  Other’s had me holding back tears.  Then there were a few that gave me a “OMG I shared that” moment. The upside is I didn’t realize how much I have changed, grown and strengthened until I started reading.

Ironically, the post that was the hardest for me to write and still the hardest for me to read today is “All The King’s Horses”.  In that post I comment on how much I have grown, strengthened and transformed!  Yet, as I look back on it now I see myself even stronger.  Other’s that stand out are “Broken Can Be Beautiful”, and “Be The Cup”.  If you haven’t had a chance to read those I highly recommend it!

So, if I were to take a look back on 2012 what would I find?  Well, for starter’s when I began my blogging journey my children told me that blogging is the adult version of whining about it!  Interesting take on the world of blogging I suppose, however I made it a point to show them some of my first several comments from subscriber’s telling me how much my post had strengthened or meant something to them.  Score one for Mom.

In my writing world:  I am a little disappointed that I am not further along on the eBook that I had promised last August.  But like I said in an update, I cannot finish a book if I am still in the process of living through what I want to pass along to other’s.  The eBook is half done and when the time is right I will complete it. I have secured a photograph for the cover of the eBook courtesy of  Tracie Louise Photography.  I was thrilled to have the chance to submit an unpublished article to the New York Times!!  I was very close to having it published when we hit a snag, I am not an expert in my field, meaning I do not hold a degree in divorce.  That was a little upsetting, but the fact that I made it that far in the process was very rewarding!

The stress of 2012:  We are getting closer to an answer with my health issues and that is a very big relief!  That is something that has been weighing me down for a very long time.  Which reminds me, check out the post “When Life Weighs You Down”.  I survived two unexpected losses but going through them has added more energy to becoming stronger.

Emotions:  I am becoming more in tune with my intuition, which is something that is very important to me.  I spent a lot of years ignoring that little voice inside of me.  I am more at ease with what I survived.  I have learned how to channel my feelings into positive energy in the hopes of helping other’s going through a similar struggle.

Highlights:  I was very pleased this year to receive the Very Inspiring Blogger Award, courtesy of Elizabeth at Almost Spring.  During 2012 my insane obsession for butterflies really took on a new meaning!  I am surrounded by photos, coffee mugs, jewelry, wall hangings, and the best is the personalized license plate!  The moment I am most proud of is when I discovered or realized my passion for writing.  It is something I never studied and never really considered would be a part of my life.  When I sit down to write I am at peace.  Even if the topic is upsetting to me, writing puts me in a place within my spirit.  It is the one time when I am truly alone with my thoughts, emotions, and feelings.  I am grateful for this gift or talent, though I’m not sure just how good I am at it yet.  I can say that I enjoy writing very much and could make a career out of it if I was given the opportunity.  It warms my heart when I receive comments from reader’s saying how I have helped them on their journey, or just the fact that I shared something with them that they can relate to.  That is what it is all about!

Looking back now with a few obstacles set aside, I’d have to say that 2012 wasn’t all that bad.  I have made positive changes in my life butterflyflythat will carry me into the future.  I still have some work to do in some areas but hey no one is perfect.  I am excited to see what the coming year brings into my life.  I know that I am strong enough to handle any obstacle be it good or bad.  This butterfly is ready to fly into 2013.

Are you ready to fly?  Leave a comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

12/30/12

RELATED LINKS/BLOGS

Ready to Fly, Richard Marx

If this were your last day

Self-Reflection

It’s A New Season

 

 

 

Finding Battle Scars

Published on by Kimberly Novak6 Comments

every-scarLet’s start with the definition of  SCAR: a  mark left by a healed wound; a lasting after effect of trouble;  a lingering sign of damage or injury.

Today I spent approximately 30 minutes with a total stranger, who in a subtle way, pointed out that I have some pretty serious battle scars.  I did not share any details of my divorce, only that I had gone through on.   With  the perception or stigma of a “divorce” the conclusion was reached that I have changed the way I deal with certain situations.

I’ve been dealing with some health issues for almost a year now and was seeking another opinion.  I was described very politely as being pragmatic and not accepting of the fact that I’ve been left without a diagnosis.   The phrase used was “you do not want to be left in limbo”.  I had to let that simmer for most of the afternoon but when I really started to think about it, I realized it is the truth.

I survived something pretty horrible and my wounds have healed, but as a wound heals sometimes a scar is left.  Depending on the severity of the wound some scars will be very visible and other’ s may be hard to find.  Obviously this particular scar was pretty evident I just needed someone to point it out.

At this point in my healing, I can relate most to my scar as the after effect of trouble.  There were a lot of  pretty big unknowns during the course of my divorce and it took almost two years before I had an answer to any of them.  It was just as described today, living in limbo; that is a pretty deep scar.

Now that I am in control of what is happening in my life, I cannot find comfort in the fact that there have been no answers in relation to my health concerns.  At first I thought it was a polite way of telling me I’m being impatient and I need to just chill out and let them do their job.  Then I took some time to reflect on it and it makes a lot of sense.

It’s almost like a post traumatic stress symptom.  During my battle I had little control over what was happening and never knew which way things were going to turn.  That was a very long period of time to spend in limbo and now unbeknownst to me, I’ve found myself there again.  Lucky for me this situation is very different because the people I’m working with are working for me, instead of against me.  I am confident that because we are working together we will resolve these issues and I will continue to move forward.

free to flyAs I am still getting to know the new woman I’ve become, I am learning to be grateful for the little lessons along the way.  Now I know what persistence means to me.  It means that I am refusing to be left in limbo and I am hoping it becomes a good trait to have.  As long as I am persistent in the right things and go about it in the right way I think I’ll do alright.  I like to think I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I”m in.  I may have scars but just because I had been broken, does not mean I cannot fly.

Have you found any battle scars?  Please share in the comment section.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

11/30/12

 

 

Trusting Intuition

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

This could possibly be one of the most difficult topics I”ve written on in a while.  As a survivor of divorce I will be the first to admit that trusting my intuition is something I had never done.  I was quick to assume that my doubt or feelings of worry were all in my head.  Most times what I was concerned about was something those around me had no idea was going on.  For the few that I had confided in there was no concrete proof.   I made the decision to look my intuition in the eye and just shake my head in wonder.

Since the divorce I have gone through a lot of emotional changes but this one I was unaware of until recently.  This past weekend my intuition paid a visit.  I was very surprised when it had arrived, as I had resolved a long time ago that our relationship had ended.  I was faced with a dilemma and instead of shying away from the feelings that were invading my gut I chose to act on them.  In doing so I was able to find the proof I needed to ease my wonder and solved the case!

I had a brief moment of fear creep in when I was going through all of the possibilities of what may or may not have transpired.  The most important of all of those feelings was that they were the SAME feelings I felt all those times in my  marriage when my intuition was trying to tell me something.   I even had the sickness in my stomach, which surprised me because the weekend event itself was not that upsetting.  It was not something I would hope would happen, but it was not life changing.  I’m glad though that I was able to have a mild reason to be able to learn to trust my intuition again.  This way the next time I am faced with something more serious, I will be more than ready.

I was happy, confident, and even gloated just a little bit.  I felt like I could really begin a new relationship with myself, my emotions, and what goes on in my silly little mind.  I had proven to myself that if I just take the time to think  and act on my feelings I can get to the bottom of things.

Then a switch was flipped.  As I stated this instance was an easy one.  The outcome that I was trusting in was not life changing like the divorce was.  I started to question whether or not I could trust my intuition if the stakes were higher.  We don’t know how we are going to react to any given situation.  If we can’t trust our own thoughts or feelings then I believe we won’t have trust in anyone or anything.  All situations come with doubt, even the good ones.  Deciphering between a feeling of doubt and an uneasy feeling is the hard part.

If something is making you uneasy then it is probably a good idea to get to the bottom of it.  Those uneasy feelings will only lead to more serious conditions.  Here is my take on it.  Feelings of doubt usually will go away after some consideration, advice gathering, reflection and prayer.  When  you are uneasy about something and your body is screaming at you, it is probably a good idea to listen to it.  If you immediately know the answer without having to guess; you have that feeling that you are correct;  something is pulling at your gut telling you this is how it is.  These are the times when you trust your intuition, your mind, and your body.

Trusting in what your body is telling you about the situation is not an easy task.  It will take practice, but most of all it will take a willingness on your part to face the outcome, good or bad.   A natural reaction in these situations is to ignore it.  We like to tell ourselves it will all work itself out. I have found there is a downside to that.  I spent many years telling myself those exact words instead of listening to my gut, and in turn had more difficulty when it did come time to face it.

This past weekend was a gentle reminder of what I am capable of when it comes to trusting in myself.  Just a day or so after this revelation I am faced with yet another circumstance this one is proving to be more challenging.  I have faith in myself that I will once again be able to trust my intuition and act accordingly.

During a significant life changing event we sometimes lose sight of the fact that we are really in tune with our emotions.  Sometimes we just need a little nudge to get us restarted again.  Is there a time when your intuition was screaming at you?  Please leave a comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

9/5/12