Ok, here goes nothing! Those were my thoughts this afternoon as she headed to my way. At first I thought I was dreaming.
Sitting in my car in the driveway of what was once my marital home to pick up the kids and I saw her through the window. I froze at first not sure how to handle this. The last time we said one word to each other it was….well, actually it was very civilized. But that’s a story for my next book. Anyway, there I was not knowing what I should do and the little voice inside me said, “Kimberly, open the window and keep your hands safely on the wheel, make sure your foot is off the gas and the car is in park”. Any unintentional accident needed to be avoided.
She had a reasonable question concerning one of my kids . I knew I had to answer, I took in a breath and answered as cool and calmly as I could making sure I had a nice friendly smile on my face. I was having an exceptionally good hair day, was dressed for a family party so I think I was looking pretty darn good. With a small but noticeable flip of my freshly styled summer blonde hair I gave her the answer she was looking for. We continued to chat as if we were the best of friends, (not really but a stranger would not have known any different) and I’m sure her stomach was churning just as much as mine was.
While departing the driveway I had a feeling of liberation. It was like in that short maybe three-minute conversation something in me changed. I had survived that meeting and very glad that I had been seated safely in my car, because if I had been standing and actually felt my quivering legs it would have been a totally different experience.
What I have learned from today is that maybe I am actually healing as far as my feelings for her are concerned. Three years ago I would not have been able to look her in the eyes and carry on a polite conversation. Today I over came that! I faced my fear took off the gloves that were holding on to the uncertainty, pain, and bitterness and in that moment I set them aside. Will they always be off? Well only time will tell I suppose.
I drove off with all my kids in tow with a feeling of happiness that has been a long time coming. I felt as if I had just climbed the highest mountain, stuck my flag in the ground, held my arms up to the sky and smiled in the sunlight.
What I want to share with you through all of this is that healing can occur when you LEAST expect it. And my friends, for me that experience was amazing! Keep your eyes and ears open for your moment, don’t worry about when it will happen or if it will happen, like I said this one came out of nowhere for me. Just try not to run from it. Suppress the initial flight reaction. (I wont’ lie it was there for me but I’m no race car driver, so burning rubber out of the driveway would have been way too obvious.) Take control of the moment when you are facing it and enjoy its reward!
Has anyone else experienced a liberating healing moment? Please share.
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
7/6/14
Remember that age-old question that we were all asked when upon high school graduation and even during some job interviews? “Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20, 25…years?” I totally answered mine wrong, if we were graded on that I would’ve flunked out! Thank goodness those hopes and aspirations are not written in stone, therefore we can change them any time we want! But when we are forced to change them, that’s when it get’s tricky.
working on a literal path just yesterday right in the place that I thought I’d never be. Here I am and I’m a survivor! I didn’t know it was happening but I have embraced this very difficult change, faced it head on and I am rocking it! It is becoming clear that just because I thought I made the wrong decision, doesn’t make it wrong. It may just mean that the purpose I thought it was supposed to fill in my life was not what I envisioned.
I’ve noticed that while we see the beautiful butterfly, the product of all the hard work, we rarely see the caterpillar. I visited a butterfly garden this summer and the focus was on the butterflies flying around the exhibit, but I was entranced with the caterpillars in their cocoons. The time spent in the chrysalis is the toughest part of the transformation. I would guess that there would be confusion, pain, worry and fear. Sounding familiar? They are too me. Those are exactly the feelings I dealt with while surviving my divorce, or as I like to think of it, the beginning of my time spent in the chrysalis.
Out of the Chrysalis 