Tag: emotions

The Power of Stress

Published on by Kimberly Novak14 Comments

stressI’m back!!!  It feels like forever since I did my last post.  I’m sorry I was gone for so long but life was weighing me down a bit and I needed to focus, well I tried to focus anyway.

In a couple of past posts I mentioned my health was not that great and I’ve also talked about how stress can make you sick.  Well, I’ve been finding out lately that I totally underestimated the power stress has over the human body.  Unfortunately it looks like it has taken me three years, five neurologists, and roughly $25,ooo.oo to be told that my divorce has possibly made me sick.

This isn’t a topic I’m thrilled about and I’m even embarrassed to speak about it, but I feel it is extremely important that reader’s know how crucial it is to seek help even if you don’t think you are suffering from emotional stress.  Anyone who has been through a trauma, be it physical, emotional, or mental is at some point going to suffer some ill effects.

I don’t want to whine or bore you with the details so I’ll just give you the short version.  The last three years I’ve been dealing with constant pain, and I’ve been tested for everything including MS.  The good news (I like to pick out the positive) that we found some  minor things that I will need to follow with easy remedies like taking a baby aspirin every day.  I’ve sampled a buffet of meds along the way and we finally found one that took the pain level from a 7 down to a 4, which is awesome! but I was still looking for a concrete answer.  My final and next step was to seek out information on a chronic pain treatment program.  I was pretty upset knowing that we would never find the cause of the pain but if we could somehow treat it or eliminate it that would be the answer to my prayers. So off to the consult I went.

After telling my life story AGAIN in an exam room the doc very gently scooted his stool over and said “I’m gonna tell you some things you don’t want to hear”.   First, he said the amount of wine I was relaxing with every night is excessive for women, (why is it different for women than men??) and that it can make the nerve pain worse.  Ok, so step one ditch the red wine.  (Done!) Ok, so then he asked me if I thought he could give me an answer for the pain, I told him all I was after at this point was treatment but if he could shed some light to go right ahead.  That’s when he said that he thinks its stress and anxiety induced nerve pain, or nerve damage caused from STRESS!!

All I heard in my head was that I was causing my own pain…oh I was so mad at myself, but I needed to remain calm so I didn’t cause myself any more pain, that would be counterproductive.  I tried to think back to other times when I had stress in my life, to see if I remembered feeling any physical pain.  I couldn’t come up with an instance but I did remember feeling tired and sick.

Think about it, people who are grieving or upset generally end up feeling sick.  Some people have stress induced headaches, others stomach ulcers, some have panic attacks.  When our bodies cannot handle the anxiety it doesn’t know what to do, so it comes out in other ways.  For me it attacked my nerves.  Not feeling well, produced stress; medical bills produced more; no answers and fear of scary disorders produced even more.  I thought I had taken care of myself by seeking counseling after the divorce, and I was getting regular check ups, one of which showed high blood pressure for the first time.  If I look back now that is most likely how my body first started responding to the anxiety and stress of my situation.

Ladies, and gents I ask you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, don’t ignore signs and symptoms of emotional stress especially if you are feeling physical symptoms.  It can be anything from a headache, stomach ache, feeling anxious, fatigue, etc.  Google emotional stress symptoms and a long list will pop up.

I am hopeful that the chronic pain program will be beneficial to my pain. We are also looking into vitamin levels and I’ve already had to begin supplementing two of them.  Between that and staying away from the red wine I am sure to be on the road to recovery, however long it may be.  I’ve begun to implement ways to decompress and teaching myself how to relax.  Things like yoga videos, and walking the dog on a nice day have been beneficial so far.  Lighting aroma therapy candles, and relaxing with chamomile tea at night have also been helpful.  There are many ideas for relaxation online, next on my list is guided imagery a few nights a week just to learn how to breathe without being stressed! relaxed frog

Ok, now that I got all that off my chest, It feels good to be back at the laptop sharing my words in the hopes to inspire or just let other’s know that you are not alone!  We are all in this together! 🙂

Has stress had a long-term effect on your health?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/16/14

Related Links/Blogs:

Emotional Stress Causing What Health Problems

The Effects Of Stress Overload

How Stress Effects Your Health

Sick with Worry: How thoughts affect your health

 

Will YOU be YOUR Valentine?

Published on by Kimberly Novak6 Comments

be mineKiss Me – Hug Me – Be Mine – These are probably the most popular Valentine phrases that we have been forced to look at since Christmas ended.  I took a look back at my posts, and I am honestly surprised that I have not yet talked about the holiday that singles dread the most…..Valentines Day.  The only logical explanation I can come up with is that I was not ready to even think about going on a date for that particular holiday.  So why now?

I still don’t think I am “ready” but it is something that has been weighing on my mind recently.  I even went so far as to arrange a date!  Yep a real Valentines Day date….then I cancelled it.  What in the world am I afraid of?  That is the question of the year and unfortunately I do not have that answer.  Here I was with someone who actually wanted to go on a date with me on that special day, even though I kept saying that it was not “technically” going to be a date…just friends who happen to be going out on the most romantic night of the year, my inner self knew it was a date and that is what scared me.

Since the divorce I cannot look at a happy couple without first getting jealous, then getting angry.   Why can’t I be happy for them?  This year I have no one to blame but myself.  I let my inner fears get the best of me.

Last year however, I was a very brave soul and took myself out and it turned out to be the most amazing date of my new life!  I started out by going shopping the week before and bought an entire new outfit.  Were talking a shirt, skirt, high-heeled boots, jewelry, purse..the whole deal, just as if I were going on a date with an actual person.  I was going to attend a concert alone on that special night and I never felt more ready.  Until I got in the car and headed out.

I almost turned around and went home.  I was panicked!  I was going to a romantic concert alone on Valentine’s Day!  There would be couples surrounding me everywhere I turned, have I gone mad?  Sure enough when I walked in, the pink, red and white heart-shaped balloons made me want to throw up and they were everywhere, tied to every chair, hanging from the ceiling, and surrounding each doorway.  I was in romance hell.  But I was there and since I did not want to waste all the money I had spent, I decided to suck it up and at least try to enjoy myself.  I chose a table near the stage so that I could concentrate on why I was there in the first place, to sit and enjoy the music.  That night ended up being so much fun!  I met a lovely couple who took me under their wing for the entire evening and they were even trying to play match maker half way through the night.  I was surviving not being a couple on a night when usually only couples go out.  Most importantly, I was having FUN being there with myself.  I have to say I really know how to woo me.  I had dinner, I was dancing in the isle, I was singing out loud and I was smiling, not just a little smile…. the biggest!

After that night ended I remember going home and calling mom, I couldn’t wait to fill her in on how perfect the night was and I had made a comment to her I”ll never forget  “this Valentine’s night is going to be very hard to top”.  I had done it, I did everything I wanted and I had survived.

So what is wrong with me this year?  I guess I thought I needed to have a date because that is just what normal people do, so I went ahead and scheduled one.  I’m still not sure why I couldn’t keep it, something in me is saying I”m not quite ready for that yet.  Of course I want to have a partner some day, and I want to be able to go out on romantic dates with someone special.  I just don’t think this year is my time.  smile

Unfortunately I”m getting a late start on planning a date for myself and by myself at this point, but there is still time.   I have this entire week to plan something.  What would you like to do for yourself on this romantic day?  Some fun suggestions may be, a concert, a movie, dinner out at your favorite place, somewhere you always wanted to go.  Or even something as simple as buying yourself flowers, and candy.  Get up, get out, get dressed in your best and woo yourself better than you’ve ever been wooed before.  I don’t know if I will be able to top last year but I sure am going to try.  It’s important at this stage in the game to be able to go out and have fun by yourself, before you’ll be comfortable letting someone else in on the fun.

Have you wooed yourself?  Please share in the comment’s.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

2/9/14

Related Posts/Topics

Gold, Britt Nicole

Six Ways To Be Your Own Valentine

Be My Valentine, Valerie’s Voice

7 Reasons Why Being Single on Valentines Day is fun

Single on Valentines Day, KSSU The Blog

A World I Can No Longer Play In

Published on by Kimberly Novak5 Comments

new-year-partyHere we are less than two days away from the new year.  I”m sure like me you are contemplating your resolutions, while looking back on 2013.  Some moments may be proud, other’s may make you look back and say “what?”, but none the less here we are embarking on another phase of our lives.  As usual I took a look back at my posts for 2013 and was stunned to see that exactly one year ago today I wrote a post titled Ready to Fly.  So why was I stunned?  Partly because I’m not sure I flew this year, in fact I know for sure that my wings have been grounded so to speak.  

During the year I posted about pain, panic, PTSD, being broken, finding peace, facing loneliness and accepting all of those things. So how in the world am I ready to fly with all of these issues going on?  and more so how could I think I was ready to fly a year ago?  These are questions I’ve been asking myself all day. Now, the year was not all that bad.  I was able to help many of my readers with my posts, and have made new friends because of them.  I was able to see a dear friend of mine reach some very important milestones in the healing process, I witnessed someone finding faith again, I made new relationships, and faced some defeats but also survived them. 

These are all good things, yet tonight I feel shaken and frustrated.   Did you ever just sit and stare at a snow globe as the snow is coming down and think how beautiful it would be to be stuck inside dancing in it?  I have many times, but lately as I picture my globe it is different.  I feel many hands shaking waiting for the snow to fall but I’m not dancing.  Instead,  I’m holding onto the sides just waiting for the movement to stop.  I’m frustrated, fearful, and saddened over some of the realizations I’ve had this past year.

As much as I want to believe that a year ago today I was ready to fly, that could not have been possible if you look at the healing I have had to go through over the past several months.  I will say I am very proud of what I have accomplished in both the healing and grieving process, however it seems that each new encounter or experience brings along another challenge.

This past year has brought way too many decisions, or maybe I have taken on too much at once.  I found myself drowning in decision making, and in the process failing.  I have had some relationship issues this past year, some pleasant, some not so much.  Some have said I’ve sabotaged relationships, other’s have stated I may not know how to love or questioned if I had ever really loved before.   I am quick to blame my past circumstances but that really is no excuse;  however a side effect of my past experience. 

Part_of_Your_World

I have often felt like I lost my voice somewhere.  I had lived under the control of another for so long that I don’t know how to find my own voice, but I know it is in there somewhere and I am determined to find it.

So, what do I do at this point?  I acknowledge the fact that I am still grieving, I’m still trying to figure out how to survive my divorce and be comfortable in my new life.  That will get easier in time once my surroundings stop changing.  I have had so many changes besides the divorce over the past three years, that it is no wonder there isn’t a blizzard in my snow globe of life, I need to take charge before an avalanche takes me out.

I am thankful and blessed for all the new friendships I’ve made and the people who have come into my life this past year and I would not change that for the world.  Actually, I wouldn’t change anything because If I have learned anything this year, it’s that they are right when they say change makes us stronger and I would not be who I am today if I had not gone through what I have. Getting to know this new person I’ve become is my next step.

Life after a loss or divorce becomes a world we are not equipped to handle, a world we can no longer play in.   I was searching for a song tonight, as it is a ritual of mine to listen as I write.  I searched the entire time I was planning my outline and could not find anything that was inspiring me.  Then out of nowhere while searching pictures I came upon Part of  Your World from the Little Mermaid.  That song as always touched me, but tonight it means even more to me than it ever has before.  I am living in a new world, just like Ariel.  Perseverance, faith, trust, and love will become the tools to carry me through.  I may not be ready to fly just yet, what matters most is that  I am free to fly.

Are you free to fly? do you feel ready?  If you have a similar story, please share.

Happy New Year,

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

12/30/13

Related blogs/links

Part Of Your World, The Little Mermaid

God’s Flight, Why I’m Grateful

Angel Soaring, Random T’s