Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within

Will YOU be YOUR Valentine?

6 Comments


be mineKiss Me – Hug Me – Be Mine – These are probably the most popular Valentine phrases that we have been forced to look at since Christmas ended.  I took a look back at my posts, and I am honestly surprised that I have not yet talked about the holiday that singles dread the most…..Valentines Day.  The only logical explanation I can come up with is that I was not ready to even think about going on a date for that particular holiday.  So why now?

I still don’t think I am “ready” but it is something that has been weighing on my mind recently.  I even went so far as to arrange a date!  Yep a real Valentines Day date….then I cancelled it.  What in the world am I afraid of?  That is the question of the year and unfortunately I do not have that answer.  Here I was with someone who actually wanted to go on a date with me on that special day, even though I kept saying that it was not “technically” going to be a date…just friends who happen to be going out on the most romantic night of the year, my inner self knew it was a date and that is what scared me.

Since the divorce I cannot look at a happy couple without first getting jealous, then getting angry.   Why can’t I be happy for them?  This year I have no one to blame but myself.  I let my inner fears get the best of me.

Last year however, I was a very brave soul and took myself out and it turned out to be the most amazing date of my new life!  I started out by going shopping the week before and bought an entire new outfit.  Were talking a shirt, skirt, high-heeled boots, jewelry, purse..the whole deal, just as if I were going on a date with an actual person.  I was going to attend a concert alone on that special night and I never felt more ready.  Until I got in the car and headed out.

I almost turned around and went home.  I was panicked!  I was going to a romantic concert alone on Valentine’s Day!  There would be couples surrounding me everywhere I turned, have I gone mad?  Sure enough when I walked in, the pink, red and white heart-shaped balloons made me want to throw up and they were everywhere, tied to every chair, hanging from the ceiling, and surrounding each doorway.  I was in romance hell.  But I was there and since I did not want to waste all the money I had spent, I decided to suck it up and at least try to enjoy myself.  I chose a table near the stage so that I could concentrate on why I was there in the first place, to sit and enjoy the music.  That night ended up being so much fun!  I met a lovely couple who took me under their wing for the entire evening and they were even trying to play match maker half way through the night.  I was surviving not being a couple on a night when usually only couples go out.  Most importantly, I was having FUN being there with myself.  I have to say I really know how to woo me.  I had dinner, I was dancing in the isle, I was singing out loud and I was smiling, not just a little smile…. the biggest!

After that night ended I remember going home and calling mom, I couldn’t wait to fill her in on how perfect the night was and I had made a comment to her I”ll never forget  “this Valentine’s night is going to be very hard to top”.  I had done it, I did everything I wanted and I had survived.

So what is wrong with me this year?  I guess I thought I needed to have a date because that is just what normal people do, so I went ahead and scheduled one.  I’m still not sure why I couldn’t keep it, something in me is saying I”m not quite ready for that yet.  Of course I want to have a partner some day, and I want to be able to go out on romantic dates with someone special.  I just don’t think this year is my time.  smile

Unfortunately I”m getting a late start on planning a date for myself and by myself at this point, but there is still time.   I have this entire week to plan something.  What would you like to do for yourself on this romantic day?  Some fun suggestions may be, a concert, a movie, dinner out at your favorite place, somewhere you always wanted to go.  Or even something as simple as buying yourself flowers, and candy.  Get up, get out, get dressed in your best and woo yourself better than you’ve ever been wooed before.  I don’t know if I will be able to top last year but I sure am going to try.  It’s important at this stage in the game to be able to go out and have fun by yourself, before you’ll be comfortable letting someone else in on the fun.

Have you wooed yourself?  Please share in the comment’s.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

2/9/14

Related Posts/Topics

Gold, Britt Nicole

Six Ways To Be Your Own Valentine

Be My Valentine, Valerie’s Voice

7 Reasons Why Being Single on Valentines Day is fun

Single on Valentines Day, KSSU The Blog

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6 thoughts on “Will YOU be YOUR Valentine?

  1. Thanks for clearing that up. Funny though how my eyes saw a different word. I appreciate your sharing. Many blessings to you!!

  2. Ah! I said embracing ‘aloneness’, not loneliness. There is a difference. Loneliness is like a black beast that descends upon me day after day. I wish it would go away and leave me in peace. I need to actively avoid looking it in the eye. But despite its presence, that does not stop me embracing my ‘aloneness’ for all its opportunities and challenges.

  3. Outside of the circumstances I talked about I am not doing well in the embracing loneliness category. It is a very difficult thing to do. But it’s the little rejoices like last years date by myself that somehow keep me going

  4. I think sometimes after divorce we are always comparing the before (life with a partner) with the after (life alone) whereas other people who have never had a partner or who have been left alone for other reasons (widowhood) have a different perspective. In the other cases, the hurt and pain of being rejected by your soul-mate is not there. It is that pain that stops us from embracing life to the full.
    I love how last year you went out anyway and I love how you buy yourself flowers and get dressed up for your self. I love how you embrace your aloneness as a gift and I love how you embrace life in your own way. I know that is with some reservations at times, but there is always reservations in life. Even couples have those.
    Thanks for this post and the reminder to enjoy my own company.

  5. Thanks Phyllis, that is a great idea!! I fact I came up with something about a year ago and I call it “flower yourself”. Every Monday, sometimes every other, I go to the grocery store after work and purchase a blooming bundle of flowers then I have something nice and pretty to look at all week long. They are inexpensive and it’s just something I do for myself to brighten my day.

  6. What a truly lovely post!
    Unlike you I don’t really have a problem with Valentine day. To me it’s just another day in the year.
    After reading your post I began to think about why Valentine day wasn’t more special to me.
    I realized that it was because my ex had never made it special. I had always done something special for him – but he didn’t do anything special for me. Oh – he bought me the obligatory flowers and card – sometimes candy – but he never made plans for a special night out.
    I think that instead of planning a special date for myself on Valentine day I will do it some other day and evening. I will buy myself flowers – get dressed up and go to a concert or a play.
    I love your idea of treating ourselves nicely!
    I used to do it when I was married – and included him. Why can’t I do it now and not have to worry about whether or not someone else is having a good time?!
    Thanks for the reminder!
    Hope you have an absolutely wonderful time!
    Blessings!!

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