Tag: embrace

Live in the Present Moment

Published on by Kimberly Novak4 Comments

Life is defined by a series of “moments” and we experience them in three different stages past, present and future.  Sometimes we get caught up in the day-to-day activities and stress of life and we are not living like we should be.  Especially in times of a struggle we tend to focus on what we did wrong in our past or try to focus on how our future is going to be changed.  I for one have been there and it is now that I”m realizing I should have taken more time in the present moment when I was going through that difficult time.  The brunt of my struggle took almost two years and during that long period of time I was focused on the past and the future and ignoring the present.

Past:  There are obviously some good times to re-live the past like when looking through photographs or going over memories with loved ones.  You need to be able to know the difference between re-living the past and living in the past.  If you are living in the past it can cause negative effects.  For example at one point I found myself going over things in my head wondering how had I missed the signs?  I spent countless hours over the past few years trying to figure out where things had gone wrong.  Guess what?  It didn’t change the outcome, it didn’t change the fact that I was going through what I was going through.  All it did was cause me more stress and grief.  I should have been paying more attention to the way I was feeling in the present moment and just maybe my healing would have been a little bit easier had I chose to face it as it was happening instead of dwelling on the past.

Future:  We all have plans for our future and looking forward to and planning for them is very healthy and will be very beneficial.  However, being in a present moment of struggle and focusing on the unknowing of the future is a totally different scenario.  Toward the end of my divorce is when I was stuck in this mode.  As the final date drew closer it became very scary and upsetting for me.  For starter’s I had never lived alone my entire life and living away from my family was something I truly did not think I would be able to handle.    As I look back tonight I wish I had chosen not to worry about the future so much, it is a work in progress but is turning out to be ok.

Present:  The little bit of research I did on this subject says that people who live in the present are the happiest and extremely successful people live in the present moment.    My opinion is that it is hard to live in the present moment, however it is worth it! It is something I constantly have to remind myself to do, but when I do I am very happy and I am finding myself to be successful in my new job and my new surroundings.  I am living each day when I wake up not at 8pm the night before  or worrying about what the next day will hold.   When I am truly living in the present I feel like the little green guy in this picture.  Imagine how happy you would feel if you lived like that every day!

I cannot get back the time I spent dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, but I can spend my time day-to-day living in the present moment and experiencing life as it should be experienced.   Treasure every moment, feel the pain even when it is hard to do, feel the joy, share tears and all of the wonderful experiences that life has to offer.

Here are just a few tips on how I take the time to live in the present moment.  If I find I am slipping back to my painful past or worrying on what tomorrow holds I find a quiet place to sit and just do some breathing exercises.  Even if it’s just five minutes it brings me back to the present and the now.  There are several websites that offer lists and tips on being in the present moment I recommend any of those that speak of mindfulness.  Being mindful is something that if we practice daily becomes very easy and it’s just a matter of stopping to remind yourself that you are living for today not for yesterday or tomorrow.

Have you ever looked back on a time in your life when you wished you had lived in the present moment?  Please respond with your experience.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/30/12

Patience….

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

I have never been a patient person.  I’m the type that needs instant gratification no matter what the situation is.  For example if I purchase paint for a room, I’m painting that same day.  I’d like to read the end of the book before the first chapter just because I cannot wait to see how it ends!  Let’s look at the definition of patience:

1.  The quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation or the like.

2.  An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.

3.  Quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care.

Let’s start breaking it down with #1.  My biggest test of being patient during misfortune and pain was during the divorce and I think my attorney will agree that I failed at that.  Here I was in an extremely stressful situation and there was no instant gratification in sight!  Unfortunately the court system calendar does not book court dates according to how stressed out the parties are.  Circumstances beyond my control caused me on many occasions to lose my temper, complain and be irritated.
#2.  Why would anyone in their right mind be wiling to accept delay? With today’s technology we have all been trained to do things and have things done quickly.  We all want faster computers, we expect fast food to be thrown at us out of the window as we drive by and if we are forced to sit and suppress that gratification we do so with cell phones in hand.
#3.  For me this is the definition that makes sense.  QUIET, STEADY, EVEN-TEMPERED CARE.  What do all of these words have in common?  They are all calming, happy, warm words.  We all become stressed when we are asked to be patient.  Just the phrase “be patient” can send one into a frenzy, it makes us nervous that we don’t know what is coming next.
If we can take a deep breath when we need to exercise patience and remember the key words, quiet, steady, even-tempered care it will help us to think about patience in a different light.  I wish I would have had those words two years ago, I may not have been so stressed out.  Also, take a look at the first two definitions; the word “annoyance” is used.  THAT is what I was focused on during my struggle and when you are annoyed you are stressed.  At the time it seemed like nothing was going my way and with every annoyance I was losing my patience.
Luckily for me once the divorce was final I had a support system in place to help me become quiet, steady and even-tempered and in turn I have learned to be patient.  Well for the most part anyway.
Most recently I am learning to ride out the events of my life and enjoy each and every moment.  I am embracing every new experience with a quiet, steady and even-tempered pace and I am a much happier person.  I no longer feel annoyed by not knowing what the end result will be and I am free to sit back and enjoy what is to come.  I no longer think of the hour-glass when I’m exercising my patience instead I am in a serene setting.
I don’t want to sound cliché but I highly recommend taking the time to smell the roses and let them bloom in their own time.
Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly
4/19/12

X Marks The Spot

Published on by Kimberly Novak4 Comments

We’ve all heard the phrase “buyer’s remorse”.    It is described as a feeling one get’s shortly after a large purchase is made.  A feeling comes over you and you begin to second guess your decision.    I haven’t made a large purchase lately but I did make a big decision that gave me that same type of feeling.  I felt relieved, satisfied and  happy.  I had no regrets I knew I was doing what I needed to do for ME; which is something that I usually do not do.  Up until this point in my life  I’ve always considered other’s before considering what I need.  So for the first time in my life I made this decision based on what Kimberly needs.

When I divorced I moved from my family home into an adorable little condo.    I knew being in something smaller would be a perfect backdrop for getting used my new life.  It has proved to be true.  The surroundings are beautiful, the amenities are perfect for me and the location could not be better.   Recently it came time to decide where to “plant my feet”.  At this point  I don’t feel that I am ready to make a major life changing decision like that.  I am still growing into this newer version of myself as well as healing and I  do not know where it is going to lead me.  My mind and body need to take some time away from more stress and we all know how stressful moving can be.  So what’s the problem?  Well the only issue is the size of my cute little space.  This is where my decision got difficult and I had mixed emotions over choosing a bigger place for my family when they are with me, or making the decision based on only my needs.  My mom hormones were quickly out numbering Kimberly’s and for a while I was convinced I had to move.  If I were to describe how I was feeling when I realized that this decision needed to be made solely on what I needed  some of the words would be:  heartbroken, confused, nervous, sad, anxious.  It was painful for me to make a decision only for what I wanted, so I had to make the decision based on what I needed in order to continue healing, growing and making a positive transition in my life.

I know that if I am going to continue on a positive path  I cannot keep putting additional stress on top of what is already there.  I need to make sure that I am content, happy, and somewhat stress free in order to make a healthy progression in my healing.  Therefore  as hard as it was to do,  I made a decision for ME this time.

The weather was beautiful yesterday and I decided to take a walk around my complex and in doing so I was looking around and again second guessing my decision.  I was trying to put the negative thoughts about it out of my head when a song called Blue Sky came on my I pod.  Hearing those words immediately forced me to look up and to my surprise…in the big blue sky…. was an X!  I stopped in my tracks and just smiled and said “X marks the spot”.   This was my relief that I have made the right decision; and it was a wonderful sight to see.  I know that I am right where I am supposed to be in my journey and I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to remain in a place where I can be happy, confident and content.  I’m sure we will have a few adjustments to make but what is most important is that the surroundings and the situation make it possible for continued healing and positive transition for all of us.

Wherever you are in your journey do not second guess your decisions.  I am learning that the ones that are the hardest to make usually are the ones that will make a positive effect on your life.

here is a link to the song Blue Sky http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUUTDcIvC9o&feature=fvst

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

4/14/12