Tag: divorce

When Life Weighs You Down…

Published on by Kimberly Novak12 Comments

A friend of mine sent me this picture saying it could be the beginning of a great blog post. I was not only honored that she was thinking I could write a great post, the timing of it was perfect. This week I have had something very heavy that I’ve been carrying around with me since the divorce.  I’ve been patiently waiting for the matter to be resolved and it’s just not happening. This message from my friend came at a time when I really needed it.

When I first looked at the picture I was surprised because I was not focused on the butterfly, I only saw the rock.  I could relate more with it than I could the butterfly.  I have to admit that freaked me out! When I look at the rock I see the pressures that have been building up.  I see my worry attached to the rope.  I wondered, what will it take to clip that rope and set the butterfly free?  Then I thought, what will it take to set me free?

Long story short there have been circumstances out of my control that are causing this matter not to be resolved, yet I am the one carrying the weight.  I have tried countless times to let it go.  I even have placed it in my worry box; when I have something I need to let go and let God, I write it on a slip of paper and lock it up inside.  I’ve had this matter in the box since December 2010.  Even when the circumstances were good for this particular matter, I still had some distress.

As I was dealing with the events of the week I kept thinking back to the picture.  I wondered, what do I need to do in order to cut my rope on this particular circumstance?  What do I need to do to release myself from this strain so that I am free to move forward?  I also questioned, is it time to sever the tie, or do I still have things to take care of before I can do that?

The only reasonable answer to those questions is that I will control what I can, and try to better the situation.  With the hope, that once I do, my bond will be broken and I will be set free.  I decided since it’s been over a year I better write it down again, as a reminder that some things I cannot control.    After doing so, it is a little easier to see the butterfly.  I can also see where the string is tied.  It looks like all it needs is a little tug and the burden will be released.

So my friends I ask you, what is weighing you down and what will it take before you can tug?  I’d love for you to share, leave a comment and begin to set yourself free.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly,

6/13/12

On a side note, I’d like to dedicate this post to my Women’s Renewal Team.  Joy & New Hope 2012.

 

Facing Fear

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

At the beginning of  May I wrote  a post about fear and a leap of faith.  Within that post I mentioned being in Hawaii and snorkeling with the fish and how much fun it was once I had allowed myself to face that fear.  Well, this week I found an underwater camera I had forgotten to get developed.  I was so excited to see all the beautiful pictures I had taken that day.  I remember being pretty nervous in the open water but I never anticipated how nervous I actually looked.  I had managed to snap a photo of myself underwater and I was stunned to see the fear in my eyes; a midst the happy memories of my trip I had forgotten about the fear I had to face in order to get there.

Surprisingly, what I remember about that day is not that I was afraid.  I remember the brilliantly blue sky; how fun it was to kayak in the open water; being among my friends; and how beautiful nature is.  Those are my memories, the picture however, tells a completely different story.  I can see the fear in my face; the wide-set eyes; the wrinkles on my forehead; and the general look of shock.  So why can’t I remember the fear that I was obviously facing?

I believe it has to do with the outcome.  Think about it, if you take yourself back to a time when you were afraid and it did not turn out the way you wanted you will always remember feeling that fear and it will force you to not want to go down that road again.  For example my first roller-coaster ride did not go so well.  I was with someone who was 6ft 4″, I am 4ft 11″; because of our height difference the lap bar would not hold me in securely and with each hill I thought for sure I was going to fall out.  I never went on another roller-coaster again.  The memory of that moment is complete and utter fear and I would not dare to face it again.

So why is the snorkeling different?  I can see in the pic I was terrified and I remember how I felt leading up to that moment before I leaped off the kayak, but I would definitely do it again, because it had a good outcome. My reward was seeing the vibrant colors of the fish below me; how softly the water flowed over me as I paddled along; and being truly happy once I resolved to sticking my face in the water and actually looking at the beauty that surrounded me.

We can’t always know how things are going to turn out, and I had several of those instances during my divorce, but there have been rewards.  I can’t say I have good memories of what I went through but that situation has produced different kinds of rewards.  I have become who I was meant to be; gained confidence in myself as a woman, and mother; strengthened bonds with family; met some amazing people; re-kindled some past relationships; and most importantly learned that facing fear will not kill me!

We all have different fears, public speaking (myself included); water; heights; karaoke; spiders; snakes; boats; airplanes, the list can go on forever.  There is one fear that we all have in common and that is Facing It!  Admit it, each one of us is afraid to face fear no matter how small or large it  is.  It is a natural instinct to be afraid of something you are not sure about.  

Imagine how disappointed I would have been had I not jumped into the water that day.  I would’ve been forced to stay in the kayak and watch my friends making their rewarding memories.  I am extremely happy with the choice I made.  I can honestly say that I am happy that I was able to face my fears of my life trial as well.  Even though it did not have the same outcome, it has made a positive impact in my life and I’m so proud  that I can now see what they are.

I’d love for you to share your fears and outcomes!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/10/12

I found my Passion!

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

One year ago I sat in a conference room at a retreat and after listening to several people speak, and watching a few videos  I was asked the question “What is your passion?”  I had no answer and I was devastated.  For years my passion was wife and mother.  Don’t get me wrong that was very fulfilling for me and I would not trade it for the world.  But in that moment when I could not produce an answer it left me feeling anxious, sad, and sometimes hopeless, until today.

At approximately 7pm this evening  I was finally able to answer that question.  My passion is writing, sharing my story and helping other’s who have been through what I have.  It was the best feeling, and I haven’t felt that good in a very long time.  Even though I”ve had some accomplishments since the divorce, like getting an actual job, this was different.

In that moment of extreme clarity I felt like I had a purpose.  I know there are millions of people out there who are struggling with divorce and loss and I’m just another blip on that screen, but if I can help just one other blip my dreams will be realized. I did have family and friends to turn to during my time of loss but what I was missing was true life stories to compare to.  I was so busy with the act of getting a divorce that I didn’t look to see if there were other’s like me out there.

I want to be that “search result” when someone else does their Google search.  I would like my stories,  reflections and  words to calm the souls of those who are struggling.  I feel like I am on the right path to doing just that and with the continued love and support of my friends, family, and fellow bloggers I will be on my way to becoming who I want to be when I grow up!

 

So I need to ask  what is your passion?

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/5/12