Out of the Chrysalis

Celebrating and embracing the transformation within


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Control-Alt-Delete


controlaltdeleteThe function of the key combination differs depending on the context but it generally interrupts or facilitates interrupting a function.   Huh…how different would our lives be if we could perform a “soft reboot” when we felt it absolutely necessary?  We do it to our computers without even batting an eye lash.  How many times have you been working on a project on the computer and it freezes…just stops working,  the first thing we think to do is hit those three tiny keys.  We know that the number one risk is that what we have just spent hours working on may be lost, yet we do it anyway, why?  Is it impatience, lack of computer knowledge, or just the fact that we know we are in control?

The little finger is gently placed on the control key…. with just a bit more pressure the index finger presses down on the alt button….and with every force in your being you slam the opposite index finger on the delete key!  You know you’ve done it.  Now think back to how it felt, the instant gratification that came with hitting that delete key so hard that the tip of your finger is now throbbing.  You are the queen/king of your computer.. you have beat it, all you have to do now is turn it back on, let that baby warm up and you are on your way.

I have been a total  scatter brain lately, the things running through my head are all jumbled up like letters from a boggle game and the sand in the timer is almost out.    I have had several moments where I wished I had those three buttons so that I can take a few moments when I am rebooting to just breathe.  Of course we have all thought about having a pause button and there are several occasions that I could think of where freezing time would come in handy, but for some reason these seem like they would prove to be more useful.  ctrlaltdelt

PC Encyclopedia gives this definition for the process:  The key combination in Windows that enables a user to terminate an unresponsive application. When all three keys are pressed at the same time, the Task Manager utility is launched, which displays all open applications. It also enables the user to reboot the computer.  Ok, now do me a favor and think of a time where you could apply that to your life…..I have like a million how about you?

We may be willing to take the risk and lose our monthly budget report by performing that reboot, but would we be willing to lose life moment’s if we came equipped with a similar utility.  As appealing as it may seem to slam on that delete button during painful moments of our lives, it is within those moments that we are really being rebooted.   The hard part is waiting before placing our fingers on those keys, wait to see if your frozen moment can be undone in its own time, not by you trying to control it.

Since my divorce I have been feverishly trying to put my life back together, making every detail perfect.  The perfect job, home, friends, and even romance.  I’ve been on a speed train just pushing ahead to the next thing, not taking any time to just breathe, look around and let life happen to me, instead of my trying to make life happen.   I feel like I’ve in a way been doing my own soft reboot by just skipping ahead and searching for anything that would resemble putting my life back on track.  When what I should be doing is living in the frozen moments,  figuring out why they are frozen and what it is going to take make my life move again.

So how will I do it? I can apply those keys in a different way.  First by taking control of how I handle things when life starts swinging, then using that alt key to find alternatives when something is not going how it should in order to move me ahead in a positive way, finally deleting anything that is detrimental to my progression or is not allowing me to just be me.

Have you felt the need for those three magic keys? Ever tried to use them?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

11/12/13

Related links/blogs

I Can Just Be Me, Laura Story

Jumbled Thoughts, Liezl’s Poetry

The Face In The Photo, Of Ink And Coffee

Without Answers, My Orange Heart

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Facing Fear


At the beginning of  May I wrote  a post about fear and a leap of faith.  Within that post I mentioned being in Hawaii and snorkeling with the fish and how much fun it was once I had allowed myself to face that fear.  Well, this week I found an underwater camera I had forgotten to get developed.  I was so excited to see all the beautiful pictures I had taken that day.  I remember being pretty nervous in the open water but I never anticipated how nervous I actually looked.  I had managed to snap a photo of myself underwater and I was stunned to see the fear in my eyes; a midst the happy memories of my trip I had forgotten about the fear I had to face in order to get there.

Surprisingly, what I remember about that day is not that I was afraid.  I remember the brilliantly blue sky; how fun it was to kayak in the open water; being among my friends; and how beautiful nature is.  Those are my memories, the picture however, tells a completely different story.  I can see the fear in my face; the wide-set eyes; the wrinkles on my forehead; and the general look of shock.  So why can’t I remember the fear that I was obviously facing?

I believe it has to do with the outcome.  Think about it, if you take yourself back to a time when you were afraid and it did not turn out the way you wanted you will always remember feeling that fear and it will force you to not want to go down that road again.  For example my first roller-coaster ride did not go so well.  I was with someone who was 6ft 4″, I am 4ft 11″; because of our height difference the lap bar would not hold me in securely and with each hill I thought for sure I was going to fall out.  I never went on another roller-coaster again.  The memory of that moment is complete and utter fear and I would not dare to face it again.

So why is the snorkeling different?  I can see in the pic I was terrified and I remember how I felt leading up to that moment before I leaped off the kayak, but I would definitely do it again, because it had a good outcome. My reward was seeing the vibrant colors of the fish below me; how softly the water flowed over me as I paddled along; and being truly happy once I resolved to sticking my face in the water and actually looking at the beauty that surrounded me.

We can’t always know how things are going to turn out, and I had several of those instances during my divorce, but there have been rewards.  I can’t say I have good memories of what I went through but that situation has produced different kinds of rewards.  I have become who I was meant to be; gained confidence in myself as a woman, and mother; strengthened bonds with family; met some amazing people; re-kindled some past relationships; and most importantly learned that facing fear will not kill me!

We all have different fears, public speaking (myself included); water; heights; karaoke; spiders; snakes; boats; airplanes, the list can go on forever.  There is one fear that we all have in common and that is Facing It!  Admit it, each one of us is afraid to face fear no matter how small or large it  is.  It is a natural instinct to be afraid of something you are not sure about.  

Imagine how disappointed I would have been had I not jumped into the water that day.  I would’ve been forced to stay in the kayak and watch my friends making their rewarding memories.  I am extremely happy with the choice I made.  I can honestly say that I am happy that I was able to face my fears of my life trial as well.  Even though it did not have the same outcome, it has made a positive impact in my life and I’m so proud  that I can now see what they are.

I’d love for you to share your fears and outcomes!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

6/10/12