Tag: divorce

Finding Battle Scars

Published on by Kimberly Novak6 Comments

every-scarLet’s start with the definition of  SCAR: a  mark left by a healed wound; a lasting after effect of trouble;  a lingering sign of damage or injury.

Today I spent approximately 30 minutes with a total stranger, who in a subtle way, pointed out that I have some pretty serious battle scars.  I did not share any details of my divorce, only that I had gone through on.   With  the perception or stigma of a “divorce” the conclusion was reached that I have changed the way I deal with certain situations.

I’ve been dealing with some health issues for almost a year now and was seeking another opinion.  I was described very politely as being pragmatic and not accepting of the fact that I’ve been left without a diagnosis.   The phrase used was “you do not want to be left in limbo”.  I had to let that simmer for most of the afternoon but when I really started to think about it, I realized it is the truth.

I survived something pretty horrible and my wounds have healed, but as a wound heals sometimes a scar is left.  Depending on the severity of the wound some scars will be very visible and other’ s may be hard to find.  Obviously this particular scar was pretty evident I just needed someone to point it out.

At this point in my healing, I can relate most to my scar as the after effect of trouble.  There were a lot of  pretty big unknowns during the course of my divorce and it took almost two years before I had an answer to any of them.  It was just as described today, living in limbo; that is a pretty deep scar.

Now that I am in control of what is happening in my life, I cannot find comfort in the fact that there have been no answers in relation to my health concerns.  At first I thought it was a polite way of telling me I’m being impatient and I need to just chill out and let them do their job.  Then I took some time to reflect on it and it makes a lot of sense.

It’s almost like a post traumatic stress symptom.  During my battle I had little control over what was happening and never knew which way things were going to turn.  That was a very long period of time to spend in limbo and now unbeknownst to me, I’ve found myself there again.  Lucky for me this situation is very different because the people I’m working with are working for me, instead of against me.  I am confident that because we are working together we will resolve these issues and I will continue to move forward.

free to flyAs I am still getting to know the new woman I’ve become, I am learning to be grateful for the little lessons along the way.  Now I know what persistence means to me.  It means that I am refusing to be left in limbo and I am hoping it becomes a good trait to have.  As long as I am persistent in the right things and go about it in the right way I think I’ll do alright.  I like to think I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I”m in.  I may have scars but just because I had been broken, does not mean I cannot fly.

Have you found any battle scars?  Please share in the comment section.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

11/30/12

 

 

A bigger life….The Butterfly Life

Published on by Kimberly NovakLeave a comment

Did you ever wonder what would happen if the storm you were living in suddenly began to subside?  Our storms of life have to eventually come to an end just as the recent “Perfect Storm” did.  It came in with a vengeance, ripping apart homes, cars, leaving people stranded and without power. In the blink of an eye it left a path of destruction and was gone.  I think a lot of us can compare our personal struggles with that very storm.

Some were prepared and other’s decided against fleeing their homes; forecasts were predicting what was to come, however other’s chose not to head the warning.   The storm left a definite path of destruction and  some scars that will take time to heal.  That is no different from what I went through in  MY storm.  I can continue comparing the destructive path of that storm with the destruction that my divorce left, OR I can focus on the strength and courage I gained while riding out the storm and where it has gotten me today.

I guarantee you that anyone who was in the eye of the recent weather will someday tell their story of strength, courage, and will to live.  It is very easy to lose sight of those things when you are living through or grieving over something terrible that happened.  It is usually not clear to those suffering that during the phases of grieving they are really growing and beginning their transformation.  I’ve seen signs along they way that I was healing but at times I still lacked the confidence that I was truly on a path toward my future.  Recently I was asked where I am in my grieving process and I had to stop and think.  I was surprised at how long it took me to reach an answer.  When I finally got it and spoke it out loud I did it with a smile on my face.  Sounds odd I know, but it showed me how strong I really have become.    At this point in my process I am in the “snap my fingers Hell No phase”! The “why did that person think they could do that to me?” phase.  I felt as strong as ever when I answered that question, along with feelings of hope that I am that much closer to having the wound healed.

It’s amazing, all I needed was one simple question to make me see the path I am currently on, the path to my future.  Just as the caterpillar when it breaks free from the cocoon realizes that it is on its way to a bigger life, the butterfly life.  I like to think that I am just beginning my butterfly life.  I can honestly say for the first time in a long time that I am HAPPY.  I can see possibilities ahead.  I know life is not perfect and I”m sure I will come up against a few rain showers here and there, but I’ve survived the “Perfect Storm”, I can survive anything after that.

I am ready to discover all of the capabilities that my new path has to offer.  I know what it feels like to be in the eye of the storm and cling to hope.  I also know what it feels like when the storm takes a horrible turn.  If I am faced with a storm again I will always chose hope rather than focusing on how bad the storm can get.  It is the hope that has gotten me where I am today.

Do you have a story of hope you can share?  Respond in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly 11/1/12

Related photos:

Storm Survivor

Related Blogs:

Surviving the Perfect Storm

The Storms of Life

 

 

Watering the Soul

Published on by Kimberly Novak4 Comments

I have recently discovered that it may be time to “water my soul”.  In many of my earlier posts I talked a lot about ways to deal with emotions that come from surviving a loss.  I’m referring to ALL of the emotions, good and bad.  With the recent loss of our family dog I have discovered that there are some emotional left over’s that need to be dealt with.  I tried writing my thoughts, talking with friends, and though those were good outlets, I just was not getting what I needed to do a full on emotional purge.  So….I bit the bullet…..and found myself in a counselor’s office.

 The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.  ~John Vance Cheney

One will never really know when they are fully recovered and some may never be.  It took the opening of a new wound to see that I still have some  that need healing.  Some may think that if they are not obsessing over their loss, then the wounds are gone, that is not necessarily true.  The wounds will always be a part of us, and there are some circumstances that may cause them to resurface, like another loss.

 Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.  ~Albert Smith

When I made the decision I wasn’t sure how this was going to go.   I didn’t know if I really wanted to take myself back to the beginning of what I went through.   As I dialed the phone number my hands were shaking and I was already fearing that this appointment would require giving the counselor a full report of the past two years.  I was very vague on the phone and at first I was asking stupid questions like “how many counselors are in your group?”, and “do you have hours on the weekends?”.  I was stalling and it took a 20 minute phone call before I finally scheduled the time.

Five days later, I ventured out for what I thought would be a horrible experience.  I sat in the car for a few minutes thinking about why I had made the appointment, yes it was primarily because of the loss of my dog, but I felt there may be more than that.  Maybe I still needed to heal some old wounds.  I wanted to doubt myself and run.  Instead, I squashed those feelings and gave credit for realizing that this was something I definitely needed and it was going to be something I could benefit from.

I watered, and watered  my soul with tears like there was no tomorrow!  I am not afraid to say that I am still a little broken but who isn’t?  It takes courage to admit and face it and I am so glad I have. Suffering loss be it a spouse, parent,  pet, or friend will leave a permanent scar.  It does not matter how many seconds, minutes, hours, days or years pass, the wound will be there.  In order for us to heal those scars our job is to be able to recognize when it is time to add a little more water to the soul.  Tears are healing, with each drop we add a little more antiseptic to pain.  

   Tears are God’s gift to us.  Our holy water.  They heal us as they flow.

                                  ~Rita Schiano, Sweet Bitter Love, 1997,  published by The Reed Edwards Company

Feeling the way I did when I left that appointment, I have no fears about re visiting  those old painful issues.  I will again come out a survivor.  I lived it, it is part of me and I recognize that I need to use what I went through as a tool to discovering who I am and what I am meant to be.  I know that when I do, I am furthering the healing process which will ultimately lead to my happiness.

I fully encourage anyone who feels a struggle with loss to sit and talk and let the tears water the soul.  The soul is our core, it is how we feel, think, act and react.  It is important that we keep that area healthy if we are to achieve greatness and be truly happy in our lives.

 Every tear should live its purpose.  Don’t ever wipe the reason away.  ~Jessica Simpson (2009 tweet)

How have you found comfort with talking about old wounds in the hopes of continuing on your healing journey?  Please share in the comments section.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

10/21/12

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