Be Weird With Me…I DARE YOU!


weirdI started off my day today being called weird, I found that to be odd.  I know, as most of you probably do, that I may have a little touch of crazy within me, but I never anticipated being called weird.

The holidays are just around the corner and many of us who have faced a loss can struggle with missing  tradition, family moments, and having that someone special to share it all with.  Well, would you think me weird or crazy if I told you that what I seem to be missing most is something that I never really had?  Yes it sounds strange, but I have a feeling it happens more often than not.

OK, now here is where it get’s really goofy.  I miss words…..yes I said words.   A writer who misses words, go figure.  In my mind they are not just letters formed together that sound good; yet they will seem simple to anyone who isn’t me.  During my marriage, my ex and I had totally different schedules, he worked and I was a Domestic Goddess, or Household Engineer.  His schedule was more specific than mine and he needed to be up very early most mornings.  I on the other hand, arose a bit later and by the time I was getting up, he had already left for work.  I cannot begin to count the times I would hope that we could awake together and there were even days when I planned to be up when he was, but he was an early riser and always seemed to beat me to the punch.

I never in a million years thought that I would long for the moment when I could awake, look over at the person I loved and say “Good Morning”.  Sure, I’ve said that phrase many times before to a lot of people, but for me in the context of arising in the morning and looking right into the eyes of my love, it takes on an entirely different meaning.

I would like to cite an example of how that phrase could take on an emotion or notion.  Bless his heart, Robin Williams is very well-known for the movie Good Morning Vietnam.  It’s a comedy, it’s somewhat fictional, and we all laugh when we watch it.  I’d like to ask, have you ever taken a moment to think about how some of the soldiers would have felt when they heard that phrase every morning during his broadcast?  They were all away from family, they were longing to be home, to see, feel and touch their loved ones.  To me that phrase was their hope.  When they heard it each dawn, it was another moment that they had survived and took them one day closer to the end of their tour.

So here is why I was called weird today.  Ready?  Well I attach a romantic emotion to the phrase “Good Morning” as well as “Good Night”.  I’d like to say I’m saving it for that special person or the special moment when I am blessed to look over as I awake and be able to mutter those two simple little words.   I refuse to use them loosely out of politeness because they mean so much more to me, and if I’m weird because of it then that’s OK to.  good-morning-9218

Here is your homework, think of something, it can be words, items, colors, music, anything just pick a noun, but one that is important to you but may seem weird to someone else.  Then share it here and show all of us out there how one simple, strange, weird, or odd thing means the world to you….. I DARE YOU to be weird with me. 🙂

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

11/6/14

Related blogs/links

Good Morning Vietnam

11 Eerie Cosmic Signs From The Universe You’ve Definitely Experienced At Least Once

Patience As Your Armour


hope tool boxJust when you think things are getting better, it happens AGAIN!  Of course, we know that is what life is all about.  The ups, the downs, the happy as well as sad.  I had spent an entire year preparing for something that was to have taken place last weekend, but I was struck down with the flu virus.  And not just the 24 hour or even 4 day flu, it was the 7 day tied to the couch illness.  One week from receiving my flu shot of course.  But the flu is not the purpose for this post today, it is learning that when we are fighting a foe, patience isn’t always the easiest.

Often during my divorce there were times when I was being referred to as “a patient woman”.  It wasn’t just from one person, I was hearing this phrase over and over again from various people in my life.  Each of those people serving a different purpose and all having totally different experiences with me than the other.  I would almost laugh out loud every time I heard that title because I never felt it.  Other than just on one occasion, I could not see what they were,  as far as having one shred of patience coming through me.  I felt quite the opposite.

The phrase was even uttered to me as early as the first meeting with my attorney, way before I began my quest to become a butterfly.  Now I can see how it goes hand in hand with the patience our friend the caterpillar has to cling to in order to make its ultimate transformation.  So, this time around I decided to hold my focus on being patient, not just with the virus, but also letting go of the fact that maybe I was not supposed to accomplish the task I had been preparing for, just yet anyway.  If I am patient and content with the way things turned out, I am confident my day will come and if not then I know there are bigger and better things ahead.  I could have pouted this entire week, that would not have produced anything.  I spent my days doing things I usually don’t have time for and because of that I know that I want to make time for them in my life.  Being tolerant this week has given me a chance to grow within myself, as if I were in a cocoon.

patience-quotes-2Many of the outcomes of my divorce were surprises to me and not what I had expected or anticipated, just at this past weekend.  However, the divorce produced new life, new change and a chance to grow and strengthen, as well as this past weekend.  I’m seeing a pattern here.  Both of these instances were successes in my life and should not be seen as anything less.   This time I could see it quicker and more clearly because I knew what to look for.

As far as I am concerned, I was given another chance to hone in on those “skills”, strengthen my Armour so to speak.  I will choose not to focus on what I may have missed out on because the happenstance produced a gift, one that I may not have received had I not spent that year preparing.   Instead I will treasure the chance I had, the way I have grown out of the struggle, and the wisdom to know that my Armour is still in tact.

I look at this as Step 1 on my new journey; taking the time to discover the hidden gifts that I am carrying with me, that were all a result of my challenge.  I look forward to seeing what is next and what other life techniques will be unearthed.

Have you found a new skill or one that you thought was lost since enduring your change?  Please comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

10/11/14

Related links/blogs

Patience……

I Can’t Wait

Practicing Patience and Positivity

 

Turn Signal… It’s time For A New Journey


195362657 (2)“Say goodbye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again” are the lyrics that have been burning through me over the last few weeks.  I’ve been grappling with decisions on where to plant my feet and start my new beginning and making those choices has been crazy. I’ve had to think through so much  in the last few years that I just could not do this last one, even though it was possibly the most important.  I couldn’t do it.  Each time I thought I knew what I wanted I would change my mind again.  I was going in complete circles and not ending up where I knew I needed to be, but did I really know where that was?

This is another situation where I may have looked to be strong and handling everything ok, but inside it wasn’t happening.  There was a time in my marriage when I had my doubts and suspicions and I chose not to act on them and when I did, those concerns were belittled and brushed aside.  The past four years I have been reliving that memory on a daily basis, it is my route home, and each time I take it I see it clear as day.

We had left the same time that fall day, the kids and I headed out and he to work.  His car moved ahead of mine and got a couple of car lengths ahead but I could still see it.  I looked up and saw I was being stopped by the red light and followed his car with my eyes as he ventured forward.  Just as the light turned green I saw it….the turn signal, he was making a left even though he should have been going straight.  I had driven that path before certain that I would see what I thought in my heart was happening, but never did.  I had a choice to make and having my children in the car I chose to go on with our day and question it later.  

I’ve never forgotten that moment, each day when I hit that left signal to return home I see it happening again, only this time I am the one going to that destination and I have no idea how or why I chose to end up here.  For some reason since I got the news the house has sold and I”ll soon be free to make my new beginning that flashback is even more clear to me.  I don’t know if that memory was holding me back from making the decision on where I want to start over but I know my heart needs to make a clean break.

Over the past two days I have finally made my choice and it is to take that leap.  I can’t stay a prisoner in this town and relive all those moments over and over again.  I have found  a place that makes me smile, it’s pretty and shiny and happy!!  A little pricey but hey, it’s well worth it.  The emotions I have right now are unremarkable, just knowing that I will not have to drive that path again and see that left turn signal, instead I will be going straight on my new path, not looking back and free.  dreamer

I have no idea what is in store for me but I know I will be comfortable and happy, and maybe will even be able to find out who I am.  I know it’s a cliché to say you have to find yourself, but it’s true.  When you have been through a loss and a trauma that turns your world inside out, it transforms you into someone you never thought you would be.  I need to find Kimberly, get to know her and together she and I will embark on this new journey.

Is there a memory that is holding you back?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

8/10/14

Related topics/blogs

Tell Your Heart To Beat Again, Danny Goke

52 Opportunities For A New Beginning, Insight From A Woman’s Heart

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