Tag: change

Hello I, it’s nice to meet Me

Published on by Kimberly Novak5 Comments

Confused?  Don’t worry.  If it sounds like I am introducing myself to yours truly then you are reading it correctly.  Recently I have been forced into an unwelcome situation…having more time to spend alone than with others.  Have you ever prepared to meet someone new and you felt nervous and anxious?  Would it be strange if I told you that’s how I felt this past weekend when I re-met me?

I thought that my journey to re-discover myself had begun pretty quickly after the divorce. I found a job that makes me happy.  I have made new friends, bonded ties with family, and started making plans for the future.  As far as  I knew I was on the road to becoming the new me.   I had no idea that it would take the passing of our family dog to realize I had not yet begun that stage in recovery and healing.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed that I still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to knowing who I am.   I”m still not comfortable in my own skin so to speak.  I have and always will be someone who thrives being around other’s.  I have never had to learn how to just be with me, until now.

I’ve mentioned the stages a butterfly goes through in previous posts, and perhaps the most important is near the end of the time in the chrysalis.  Imagine for a moment that you are the caterpillar and you feel the changes happening not only to your body but to your soul.  I actually tried this and I was filled at first with sadness.  When I reached the end of the imagery the emotions had over taken me,  but I felt excited and happy to know that I can be OK coming out of the cocoon alone.  If I continue to grow my soul I can be completely healed and renewed.

     Close your eyes, take a slow deep breath, exhale, and reach your arms around your body as if giving yourself a hug and hold tightly.  You are  now in your cocoon.  It’s dark, lonely, and you have no idea how long you will be inside.  The cocoon is small and there is only room enough for you.  Your first feeling is fear because your life as a caterpillar was lived with many others, and this is the first time you’ve truly been alone.   Take another slow deep breath, and as you exhale, the hold the chrysalis has on you begins to lessen.  You spend your days alone with your thoughts, no other sounds, it’s just  you.  This continues for some time and each day get’s a little easier.  You are getting to know yourself.  You have finally taken time to soul search, to think about your hopes, dreams and ambitions, and for the first time YOU are in control of those things.  When you realize this you take another deep breath, with the exhale, you feel the chrysalis lessen even more.  During this time you notice the changes being made.  You are getting more comfortable with the new form that is emerging within yourself.  Feelings of happiness overtake you because you know that if you continue to grow not only on the outside, but within yourself, soon you will be set free to fly.  

The past couple of years have been painful to get through, but for some reason the last two weeks have felt just as painful.  A loss is a loss no matter if it’s a spouse, parent, lover,  friend, or pet.  It took another loss in my life to kind of give me a wake up call.  I’ve never taken the time to sit with myself and say “Hello”.  When my divorce was final I jumped into life with both feet.  The water was deep and I kept on treading.  I now realize that it’s time to head for shallow waters, breathe and relax.

Just like the caterpillar, I still have growing to do and I’m thankful that I know it.  I have so much more to learn about myself and I am looking forward to the discovery.  A little nervous to finally get to know the person I have grown into, but excited to see what the future holds for me, myself and I.

I’d love to know your thought’s if you try the guided imagery I have created.  Share your experience in the comments section below.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

10/8/12

Related media:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_eBRwn8G40

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SroSvgN_q_8

Related blogs:

The Eyes Behind The Mask

The Butterfly’s Lesson

Embracing Loneliness

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

Grayson 1998-2012

 

When I first thought of writing on this topic I had originally titled it Accepting Loneliness.  When I went to sleep last night I was fearful for the coming morning.  It would be the first morning I woke up completely alone since my divorce.  The past 19 months my mornings, evenings and nights have all been spent with mans best friend and early Tuesday morning he went to heaven.

I woke up an hour before my alarm and realized my entire morning routine is now changed.  I was frozen and did not know how I was going to get up and start my day.  I thought about just spending the day in bed and as that thought was crossing my mind my body said differently, I jumped up with a leg cramp.  I was now forced out of bed!

Since the sun was shining I decided to take myself for a walk.  Sneakers went on, I pod ready to go, headphones in.  I set out at first feeling pretty sad but as I walked I realized that I had completed step one to creating a new morning routine.  I did something to get my day started and it was a positive thing.   It gave me time to clear my thoughts and focus on my schedule for the day, all while allowing myself time to listen to my favorite tunes.

Clarity was slowly seeping in and I realized that I have a choice to either accept the feelings of being alone or embrace them.  If I only accept them I”m really not making any positive changes for myself.  My world is now changed whether I like it or not.  The better thing to do would be to embrace it.

I’m content with the fact that today will be rough for me, but I got through the hardest part.  Over the next week or so I can set my routines how I want them.  I am in control of deciding what I will now do with my extra time and I am choosing to spend it being happy in my loneliness.  I figure I”ll play around with a few different changes and see what fits best into my schedule.  I really enjoyed the walk today and when winter hits I have access to an indoor center right across the way.  My morning routine is now set!  

I’m sure I will have waves of sadness, fear, and reluctance along the way, but those are all common feelings when a change is occurring.  Life is all about thriving through change sometimes they are happy changes, and sometimes they are filled with loss, pain and grief.  As I’ve said before in previous blogs, the latter are the ones that we grow through.  Just like the caterpillar  (yes I’m using the reference again!) who grows in her chrysalis, change makes us stronger!

Be all you can be in your loneliness, embrace who you are and live happy!  How have you embraced loneliness or change?  Reply in the comments.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

9/19/12

Trusting Intuition

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

This could possibly be one of the most difficult topics I”ve written on in a while.  As a survivor of divorce I will be the first to admit that trusting my intuition is something I had never done.  I was quick to assume that my doubt or feelings of worry were all in my head.  Most times what I was concerned about was something those around me had no idea was going on.  For the few that I had confided in there was no concrete proof.   I made the decision to look my intuition in the eye and just shake my head in wonder.

Since the divorce I have gone through a lot of emotional changes but this one I was unaware of until recently.  This past weekend my intuition paid a visit.  I was very surprised when it had arrived, as I had resolved a long time ago that our relationship had ended.  I was faced with a dilemma and instead of shying away from the feelings that were invading my gut I chose to act on them.  In doing so I was able to find the proof I needed to ease my wonder and solved the case!

I had a brief moment of fear creep in when I was going through all of the possibilities of what may or may not have transpired.  The most important of all of those feelings was that they were the SAME feelings I felt all those times in my  marriage when my intuition was trying to tell me something.   I even had the sickness in my stomach, which surprised me because the weekend event itself was not that upsetting.  It was not something I would hope would happen, but it was not life changing.  I’m glad though that I was able to have a mild reason to be able to learn to trust my intuition again.  This way the next time I am faced with something more serious, I will be more than ready.

I was happy, confident, and even gloated just a little bit.  I felt like I could really begin a new relationship with myself, my emotions, and what goes on in my silly little mind.  I had proven to myself that if I just take the time to think  and act on my feelings I can get to the bottom of things.

Then a switch was flipped.  As I stated this instance was an easy one.  The outcome that I was trusting in was not life changing like the divorce was.  I started to question whether or not I could trust my intuition if the stakes were higher.  We don’t know how we are going to react to any given situation.  If we can’t trust our own thoughts or feelings then I believe we won’t have trust in anyone or anything.  All situations come with doubt, even the good ones.  Deciphering between a feeling of doubt and an uneasy feeling is the hard part.

If something is making you uneasy then it is probably a good idea to get to the bottom of it.  Those uneasy feelings will only lead to more serious conditions.  Here is my take on it.  Feelings of doubt usually will go away after some consideration, advice gathering, reflection and prayer.  When  you are uneasy about something and your body is screaming at you, it is probably a good idea to listen to it.  If you immediately know the answer without having to guess; you have that feeling that you are correct;  something is pulling at your gut telling you this is how it is.  These are the times when you trust your intuition, your mind, and your body.

Trusting in what your body is telling you about the situation is not an easy task.  It will take practice, but most of all it will take a willingness on your part to face the outcome, good or bad.   A natural reaction in these situations is to ignore it.  We like to tell ourselves it will all work itself out. I have found there is a downside to that.  I spent many years telling myself those exact words instead of listening to my gut, and in turn had more difficulty when it did come time to face it.

This past weekend was a gentle reminder of what I am capable of when it comes to trusting in myself.  Just a day or so after this revelation I am faced with yet another circumstance this one is proving to be more challenging.  I have faith in myself that I will once again be able to trust my intuition and act accordingly.

During a significant life changing event we sometimes lose sight of the fact that we are really in tune with our emotions.  Sometimes we just need a little nudge to get us restarted again.  Is there a time when your intuition was screaming at you?  Please leave a comment.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

9/5/12