Tag: broken

Broken Pieces…..

Published on by Kimberly Novak6 Comments

broken puzzle…..or are they merely the beginning of something new?  We have all purchased a puzzle before, it comes in a box all sealed up never before seen.  Sometimes the pieces are safely inside a plastic bag and other times they are just right inside the box.  It’s exciting to begin to put the pieces together and start to see the image on the cover of the box appear before us.  I don’t know about you, but I cannot put any puzzle together without first looking at the image so I know where the pieces go and what it is supposed to look like when I’m finished.  Puzzle pieces are fun, colorful, and exciting; so why is that when we are falling apart it is called “falling to pieces”?

When I hear the word pieces I think of puzzles first, then pie!!! either of which are happy things.  I never understood why the term “falling to pieces” is compared to falling apart.  Pieces are things that are being put together, not to be left alone.  So technically if we “fall to pieces” we are simply setting ourselves up for a new beginning.  We are putting the plan into motion for someone to put our pieces back and make us whole again.

I’d like for a minute to imagine a world where when we are born a puzzle is created in the image of our future.  On our 18th birthday that puzzle shows up gift wrapped on our doorstep, however there is no image attached to the box.  It is up to us to know where to put each piece exactly where it goes.  I suddenly feel frustrated and anxious.  We don’t know where our pieces will fit, in fact most of us spend a lot of time trying to force pieces in where they don’t belong.  I have done that on several occasions before and since my divorce.

We get so excited thinking…This is it, I just know it’s going to fit….then when we try to put the piece in that spot, it’s not quite right.  No matter how much we bend, squeeze, or press that piece if it is not an exact fit, they will not go together.  That’s when we get frustrated, because we thought for sure that piece went there.  Is any of this sounding familiar yet if we put it into life’s scenarios?

There have been countless times since my divorce where I have tried to force pieces in where they didn’t fit, and it doesn’t work.  Life cannot be like a puzzle, because it changes over and over again.  When a puzzle is created it is made to stay the same, the pieces fit because they were cut that way, it was created specifically for one image.  Life, was not.  Life is meant to be a series of different landscapes.  Sometimes our life puzzle will be pretty, other times it may rain and even storm.

There will always be those times when we do not want to put our puzzle together because we are afraid of what it is going to look like and those are the life landscapes that we try to change or hide from, thus altering the pieces.  What we don’t realize is that we should not really try to alter those pieces, but instead put them in their place and experience what ever it is that we are meant to experience at that time in our lives.  God created our puzzle, he knows where our pieces go and he may have thrown in a few confusing one’s to help us to grow.

I have a few pieces that I would like to toss out of my puzzle, but then what would happen to my life image?  We are who we are because of what we have or are going through.  Without those horrible pieces of my life puzzle, I would not be right where I am today, which is where I am supposed to be.  If I had tossed those pieces and not lived those moments of my life,  I have a feeling my puzzle would never begin to take shape.life is a puzzle

So, when we are faced with loss, fear, sadness, and despair how do we continue to put our puzzles together?  We simply live life.  We take on each challenge along with any failure that comes with it and we embrace it.  We grab that puzzle piece hold it high and scream “ONE DAY MY PIECES WILL FIT”.

Try not to fit pieces of your puzzle into your life if they truly do not belong there.  Hold onto those pieces that fit right off the bat and enjoy putting your life puzzle together.

Have you been trying to force pieces to fit in your life? please share…

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

Related blogs/links

Pieces, Meridith Andrews

Strong =

Published on by Kimberly Novak10 Comments

strong like a butterflyStrong = secure, well-built, indestructible, well protected, solid, durable, tough, long-lasting, sturdy, tough, rugged, powerful, strapping, muscular…….so why is it that at our weakest moment someone says ” you are strong you can handle this?”

I think that when we are dealing with a struggle, people surrounding us are truly trying their best to pump us up by telling us that we are STRONG, unknowing that what they are doing is potentially knocking us down.  It is very hard to train yourself to act or feel strong when you are going through the biggest struggle of your life.

In all reality we want to be seen as strong I know I did.  Could I be seen as strong when I first learned of what my future held?;  could I be seen as strong when I learned my children would live with their dad?; could I be seen as strong when I moved into the home that housed the mistress?; The answer to all of those questions is absolutely not!  So why did so many people continue to tell me how strong I was?

People see what you have survived as kind of like winning a boxing championship title, they then consider you STRONG.  Sometimes they don’t realize that even though you have survived it and you are still going about your daily activities, you may still be crumbling inside.  They may not know that when the phone rings you cringe thinking it has something to do with him, or that silly piece of mail you get every month reminding you of an oil change has his name on it is sending you into a tail spin.  Trying to remain STRONG during all these little trivial things can be a big challenge.

I have recently learned that strength and strong are two very different words.  Being strong and  having strength can at times be total opposites.  Was I strong enough to handle what I was facing? maybe not, but did I have the strength to face it and survive it….hell yes! Learning to tap into my strength reserves took some time and practice, but as of today I am learning how to channel that strength and turn it into being strong.  strong is our choice

We all want to be seen as a trooper and concur anything that is thrown our way, but sometimes we are tossed some curve balls that no one could possibly see coming… that is when we need to tap into our reserves and find our STRENGTH.  The power that is within us to sustain anything, to endure anything, to face our biggest fears…when we use that power is when we are ultimately STRONG!

How have you used your strength to become strong?  Please respond.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

Related Links/Posts

When I Get There, I quote you not

I can Just be me, Laura Story

A Fish Out Of Water

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

Stop the presses!!!  Hold the phone!!! Pause Please!!!

3309237-fish-and-fauna-under-waterDid you know that a fish has no idea it is in water?  That’s where it spends every moment of its life and it has no idea that it is moving in water.  It cannot see it, smell it, taste it, all it knows is that is the environment in which it lives and if it is taken from that, the breathing stops.  A setting that is sounding all too familiar for me.

I had a light bulb go off right above my head just a few moments ago and it was so bright I sat right down at my laptop and starting clicking away.  This may sound similar to some of you who have been dealing with loss and emotional pain.  I have been spending day after day for the past two years trying to overcome and cope with the loss I suffered.  I’ve been going about my day living in my new environment just like a little fish.  Imagine for a moment a gold-fish very accustomed to her cute little bowl and one day her world changes.  She is forced to move to unfamiliar territory with new fish and plastic plants.  She is frightened but because she is still in water, she is still breathing.  Being a shy fish she keeps to herself  as if she were still in her little bowl.  She goes about her days thinking she is ok because she is breathing, no one around her knows that inside her mind she is drowning in her own thoughts.  She makes the most of it but never seems to be able to get anywhere, her mind has taken over.  Day’s begin to blur into nights and before long she has lost herself.  She has adapted to her surroundings, her new life, but is she still living?  As long as she has her water she is, but remember….she doesn’t know she is in water!

I am going to become very brave here and admit that I may have been drowning.  I have been hiding within myself thinking it was what I was supposed to do.  I’m grieving, I’m healing but I am NOT living!  Now I didn’t lock myself up in my home and board up the window’s but I may as well have.  I was still breathing, so I just figured I was living.  On the surface it looked that way, I go to work flash a few smiles, play with the puppy and giggle a little, watch some tv, do a little reading.  What has changed?  I’m still going about my day to day activities.  But what would happen if someone took away my air? Just like the fish who doesn’t know she is in water, as we are grieving and healing, we can’t see if we are not living.live

I went out this afternoon and spent some time with a group of fabulous women and I was a little upset with myself at first because I was quiet, reserved, arguing with my mind.  “They all know your divorced”, “They can tell your single”, “Just don’t talk maybe no one will notice you are the only one in the room not wearing a ring”.  It took a good 30 minutes of listening to this crap from inside my head before I loosened up and finally freed mysef from my own mind!  I slammed the door shut, and didn’t listen to another word it had to say.  Instead I found myself in the moment.  Laughing at jokes, enjoying conversation, food, and even touch.  I let every sense live, breathe and take in what I had been missing out on for so long; for the first time in a long time I chose life over my thoughts.

Scary you ask?  Oh ya, but what was horrifying was knowing that I have been keeping myself locked up for so long when I didn’t have to.  The afternoon went very pleasantly, I left with a smile on my face and it was one that I haven’t seen in a very long time.  It motivated me and I have been a very different lady today.  I think I can finally look in the mirror at myself and say “you’re ok”.

I had shut myself off.  It’s as if on divorce day someone hit the off switch and I lost it along the way.  It took a simple little Sunday afternoon ladies lunch to find it and turn it on.  I want the light in me to never go out again, I like it bright and the brighter the better!

Ladies/Gent’s, let your lights continue to shine, do not turn yourself off and if you already have, seek out friends and loved ones to remind you of the light that is within you so that you too can turn it on again.

Do you have a similar story?  Please share.

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

7/21/13

Related links/blogs

You Are Loved, JJ Heller

Freedom, Original Smoky

Life Lessons From The Magic Patio, If It’s Dead Let It Go, Heather L Cox, art, craft, mindful living

Eight Steps To Embracing Yourself, Empower Me 365 Blog