Learning how to listen

Published on by Kimberly Novak3 Comments

a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011
a quiet moment in Hawaii 2011

I can remember when I was little and my mom or dad would always ask in an angry tone “don’t you listen?” or “why aren’t you listening to me?” Well I’ve been asking myself that exact question for the last few years.  My divorce recovery has not always gone the best, there have been good and bad days but for the most part I can say I am proud of where I am right now.  Except for just one thing…I still do not know how to listen.

I am referring to listening to my inner self, thoughts, questions and fears.  During these last few years I have found much difficulty in trusting myself to make decisions even the simple ones.  I have sought out advice from everyone I am in contact with on pretty much all aspects of my life and I still find myself in limbo.  I have heard over and over again what a patient woman I am yet I cannot seem to find the patience within my own being.

When I counseled last she recommended to me that there really wasn’t a need for me to come back, that took me by surprise and kind of upset me.  Then she asked what I had hoped to gain from our sessions and I couldn’t answer.  Why was I really there?  She said that it looks to her like I am feeling stuck.  I quickly agreed.  At this point in my life I had hoped that I would be on a clear path yet I am still trudging through some mud and jumping over puddles.

Today, I watched Soul Surfer, it is a VERY inspirational movie about a young girl who loses her arm in a shark attack.  This young person overcame every obstacle set in her way and she realized her dream of becoming a professional surfer.  There was one scene in the movie that caught my attention along with my heart.  I think it fits almost every situation that deals with loss and the message I took from it is that you just have to be patient and listen.

I am going to try my best to focus every day on just listening to my body, mind, and heart and then live my day accordingly.  At the same time making sure that what I am doing is guiding me towards my future, whatever that may be.  The lines below are from the scene I referenced.  You can also click here to view the clip.

If you can offer suggestions on learning to listen to your inner self please share!!! I would love to hear what you have to say!

Kimberly

Courageous Butterfly

 

Bethany Hamilton:

Go ahead, tell me how everything’s going to be okay.

Tom Hamilton:

Yea that’s me Mr. jump-right-in-and-fix-it, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut for once.

Bethany Hamilton:

I’m done, aren’t I? I can’t even paddle out to the line up passed the big waves. I don’t understand, what happened to… I can do all things. Why? Why did this happen? Why did I have to lose everything?

Tom Hamilton:

You didn’t lose everything Bethany, not even close. That shark didn’t kill you, you’re here, you’re alive, you have your family.

Bethany Hamilton:

But what am I suppose to do now?

Tom Hamilton:

I don’t know…

Bethany Hamilton:

Then how am I suppose to know?

Tom Hamilton:

When the times right you’ll know. You just have to listen.

Bethany Hamilton:

Listen for what?

Tom Hamilton:

For whatever comes next.

 

A Unique Way to Share Your Story and Contribute to the Collective Wisdom

Published on by Kimberly Novak2 Comments

Thank you for sharing this I intend to participate as well as pass this information along to my readers! Thank you again for showing the importance of really understanding divorce and providing an opportunity for others to connect and discuss such an important topic.

Kimberly

stilllearning2b's avatarLessons From the End of a Marriage

I’ve written before about the benefits of writing letters to your ex-spouse. (6 Letters to Write After Divorce)

Well now those letters can have a greater purpose. Vicki Shemin, J.D., LICSW, ACSW, of the Boston Law Collaborative, a divorce attorney and therapist, is working on a project that combines personal narratives about divorce in the form of letters to the ex along with research about the process and impact of divorce. If you’re interested in participating, or just want more information, you can find what you need here.

I hope some of you will choose to join in the project. The more we share our own experiences, the more we can understand and improve the impact of divorce.

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Turning Stones

Published on by Kimberly Novak8 Comments

Inner Doubt: a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.
“some doubt has been cast upon the authenticity of this account”
synonyms:
uncertainty, unsureness, indecision, hesitation, dubiousness, suspicion, confusion;

It is very important to me that I start off 2015 in a good and positive way; well the respiratory bug bit me last week which forced me to cancel my appointment back at the counselor; not starting off the way I had planned but that never happens anyway. I decided that I would positively embrace that nasty virus and just enjoy being able to start off 2015 resting, not many of us get that chance. Unfortunately for me I have not yet learned how to rest my mind along with my body. I have this horrible disease I like to refer to as arguing with my thoughts. I was sure that being 4 years post-divorce I would be able to win any argument that I was having with my inner self but lately there are so many outside factors that I just can’t seem to get a handle on it.
Being at home sick gave me some time to look deeper into some of my relationships, which unfortunately brought on feelings of inner doubt.

Looking at the definition of doubt and seeing the words unsureness; confusion; indecision; hesitation; and uncertainty really hit home for me because these words are what I am carrying with me and have been for pretty much all of these last four years. They are the first things on my mind when I awake and the last when I go to sleep. They are consuming my days, my decisions (when I can make one), and my relationships. The phrase “my head is spinning” is an understatement for me.

In my mind if I am struggling with a decision then I am most likely headed for making the wrong one. I would assume that a correct decision would be one that I make solely based on what is truly in my heart, mind and soul….my issue is I have absolutely no idea what is in those three places. When I ask myself why that is what comes to mind is what I think I want, what other’s want for me, what I think I deserve, and what should be best for me.

Take for instance going back to school, sounds like a great plan and most are encouraging me to go, but I grapple with things like the $20,000 in debt after the four years. Who will want to hire someone inexperienced at that level of administration? Will I earn enough to take care of myself or will getting into that debt just cause more problems for me?
Looking back, the time’s I remember actually knowing what was in my heart, mind and soul were my wedding day, and the birth of my children. It wasn’t the time when I made the decision to get married or knowing that I wanted to start a family, the clarity came as I was encountering those life events.

So maybe I do not have clarity right now because I am not yet where I am supposed to be on my life journey. There must still be some stones left to be unturned; the question is am I ready to seek them and turn them? Have you turned your stones? Please share.

Kimberly
Courageous Butterfly

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